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So I’ve been so stressed and focused on the negative (read: recent clusterfuck and such), that for a moment I forgot to have fun. You may have noticed that the silly, lighter posts have stopped. I also haven’t done fanfic in awhile. And some feelings I felt over the weekend got me really feeling– something. And they threaten to put me right back in that spiral. Fortunately, it’s a spiral I know pretty well.

It’s about being invisible.

  1. Reasons Albi is Rendered Such
    • shy
    • quiet (in voice)
    • doesn’t know how conversations work if it’s not “taking stack” (no, seriously; the autistic diagnosis writes itself at this point)
      • also damn y’all let me get a word in edgewise once in a while, fucking extroverts
    • literal wallflower
    • laconic (to a fault) and taciturn
    • intimidating Resting Bitch Face
    • a side effect when in predominately white spaces
  2. The Reasons It Happens
    1. Logical/Kind
      • they’re busy
      • I am unrecognizable (ex. when wearing a mask)
      • they simply don’t remember me
      • they were in a hurry
      • face-blindness
      • assumed and/or misunderstood a social expectation
    2. Mean/Bad Brain Thoughts
      • I’m not worth remembering
      • they don’t like me or want nothing to do with me
      • assumed and/or misunderstood a social expectation
  3. Where to Go From Here?
    1. Improvements
      • don’t take it personally!
      • raise your voice
      • take initiative
      • remember to smile
      • eh, i dunno, probably retake a Toastmasters class or something
    2. Mischief (lean into it)
      • Stealth Hi/Byes and scare people (read: Batman)
      • shake down a neurotypical person and demand how the fuck this shit works

Bonus

Characters That Make Me Go “That’s Me For Real!”

  • Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy 8)
  • Dina Saruyama (Dumbing of Age)
  • Auron (Final Fantasy 10)
  • Fluttershy (My Little Pony: FiM)
  • Fujin (Final Fantasy 8)
  • Mordin Solus (Mass Effect)
  • Whisper (Sonic the Hedgehog IDW)

Tropes I Tend to Inhabit

  • The Quiet One
  • The Silent Bob (the “only when I have something pithy to say” variant)
  • Beware the Quite Ones
  • Terse Talker / Beige Prose
  • Hates Small Talk

Yeah, I responding with humor now. But I have had time to feel hurt, confused, deflated, disappointed. I also had time to put some logic and understanding on it.

…Whatever.

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Real talk, whenever I have a Hard Time with server stuff on this blog, I think to myself "what the fuck am i doing here" as I sometimes frustrate the hell out of myself. The past few days was one of those times as I troubleshot Something or Other and have Tech Support in my back pocket for advice and pointers (seriously, Digital Ocean Support Bench, thank you so much).

And I looked into other platforms. From having Someone Else manage this Classic/WordPress blog, to Something Completely Different with Ghost. Both are pretty solid options.

I didn’t like either.

For the former, I like having complete control over my stuff– even if that does some with the occasional headache and the consequences of my fuckups. I don’t have to jump hoops to do what I need (want) to do, more of less. And as for Ghost, it’s simple: I just didn’t like it. While I’ll definitely keep it in mind for recommendations and possible future, it doesn’t quite fit my current workflow.

So, hi. I had a moment. But it looks like I figured it out.

For now.

Other than that, sorry for the quietness. I’ve been dealing with offline stuff, which includes totaling my car. So that’s been fun.

Seconds before disaster.

Currently working on another snarky-like review, and here’s a preview for you:

Claudia, who is Black, with a bad perm (chemically relaxed hair), it looks like.
This is supposed to be Claudia Grant from Robotech. If you don’t know what the problem is, you’ll find out.

What other updates I got?

  • the response to my message was a nothingburger
  • watched Blade and partied
  • my bed gained 6 inches from all the mattress pads– and I love it (note: write about that)
  • they bit me
  • Megan 2.0 is coming out soon!?
  • heh heh, it’s all coming together

And that’s all I got as the coffee finally gives out and I get my ass to bed to fight public transit in the morning. See ya later!

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Context: this meme.

There are at least two layers of gay/queer/LGBTQ culture at work here.

So yeah, if you think the world revolves around your cishet ass, you’re gonna be lost.

And another reason to dislike Facebook regurgitating Tumblr posts.
A Toot

Before I nuked it, I got hit with one of those Facebook memories. As it goes, it was just a meme I SHARE’d real quick for two reasons:

  • it was from Final Fantasy X, one of my all-time favorite games
  • it was gay. as. fuck.

I vaguely remember the FF fan group it was (re)posted in, and to my delight a lot of my fellow queer fans came out to have a kiki and appreciate this piece of freakin’ art:

A freeze frame of Shiva, midsnap. Captioned with "The first time you summoned Shiva in FF X and she did Diamond Dust and with a snap of he fingers your heterosexuality was GONE and you were SHOOK and you KNEW you were gay and there was NO turning back..."

But, alas, the majority of members were a straight bunch.

And they were shook.

Beside themselves.

Confused.

Harshing our freakin’ vibe with their insistence that a meme has to make sense for them, damn it! "I don’t get it!" most of them whined. "I know lesbians exist but why would this make a man gaaaaaaay? Why do our male members like this meme?????? How would this make me gaaaay?" because of course the complainers were straight men and everything has to revolve around them, even shitposts.

I called that, up there, the Shiva Snap. When you just know.

It’s who drag queens strive to be.

It’s for those who are all the stronger for being in touch with their feminine side.

It’s for those that appreciate femininity, regardless of gender. Gender be damned, really.

It’s for that tumblr user who witnessed the sheer fuck yes slay in that summoning sequence and just had to share this gospel through Tumblr and to the world. Look at the notes on this motherfucker. Put some respect on sodomymcscurvylegs’s (user)name.

It’s for those that, if you asked them, they’ll tell you why The Shiva Snap got them, specifically, and it is a varied and nuanced thing that some blogger can’t possibly pithily summarize.

One thing is clear: It’s for the queers.

I got it. They get it. We don’t need a whole dissertation on it.

But if you didn’t (and still don’t) get it:

Don’t worry your goofy head about it. It’s probably not for you. 🙂

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This summarizes what I’ve been going through with Pink Pistols and a local gaming group. I sent this as a DM to a mod upon their request. Just read this or catch up with the previous entries, who cares, everything is terrible, 1312, can i just fuck off now

I should name some names, yolo and all that. Expect jokes and teeshirts about this, because you know we queers gotta kiki through the pain.

Continue reading →

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Fun, excuse to be fun, fun fun fun, let’s get on with this silly list. You don’t need a whole paragraph explainin’ this shit, I don’t care what the SEO plugin says. pop culture

Revenge of the Fifth

When: May 5th, also May 6th if you’re extra evil

From: Star Wars

Nothing to see here. Cue hand thing.

Independence Day

When: July 4th

From: names-the-same-movie

Will Smith saved us from the aliens on this day!! Respect!!! He could have been at a BBQ!

Until America starts behaving I’m not celebrating that shit! Memorial Day and Juneteenth are more important to me, anyway.

Will Smith in the movie, captioned "4th of July, the day Will Smith saved us from the aliens.

Festivus

When: Dec. 23rd

From: Seinfield

I will have any, and I mean any, excuse to decorate with strange objects, complain, and straight up tackle someone. I also enjoy the anti-consumerism angle it could have.

Frank: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born.

Towel Day

When: May 25th

From: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

I was enamoured with this series when I stumbled upon it in my high school library. And, you know, knowing where your towel is actually good advice… and more relevant the older you get.

TOWEL.JPG is here. Do you know where your towel is?

National Lazy Week

When: Jan 5th to Jan 10th

From: Garfield

As the name suggests, it celebrated being lazy. Garfield Wiki

That’s a message I can get behind. Also, capitalism hates it when we’re lazy. Cue the memes!

Felix the cat napping on a ledge, thinking "I'm not lazy I just don't like making profits for capitalists..."

Fade in the Water Day

When: Aug 5th

From: IRL

Fade in the Water. ROLL (ed up in the) TIDE. The Alabama Sweet Tea Party. The Montgomery Massacre. The Riverboat Rumble. The Montgomery Melee.

No matter what they call it, Black people are talking about the big fight between a group of white men who attacked a Black dock worker and the Black people who swarmed in to defend him. NewsOne

I love us Blackfolx. We can make a holiday out of anything. And I live for this show of Black solidarity we were witness to on that fateful day in 2023. You fuck around, prepare to find the fuck out.

MtG card for the Folding Deck Chair, a Legendary Melee Weapon. Damage 5, Speed 2, Defense 3, Range 1. Increase damage by 3 percent to targets in water environments.

And then you got the ones where I just make up, or do something different.

Dick Plate in the Lake Day

When: Feb 28th

From: Xenosaga

Actually, this was already a thing as KOS-MOS’ Birthday. But I was grasping at something I can do for the Xenosaga franchise. My original idea leaned heavily on a fairly popular snark thing and… uh, let’s say the source material for that didn’t age well. Soooooo I decided to use the first game’s release date and uphold that instead. It’s safer. Makes me cringe less.

…and I still failed that Will Save Throw Whatever DnD Thing because it must be snarked. Dick jokes!! There is an uncomfortable amount of phallic imagery in that game! Dick. Jokes.

Enjoy the YouTube Video my settings Won’t Allow me to embed. Just as well, really.

Macross Day

When: Oct. 3rd (Series), July 21st (DYRL? movie)

From: Macross

Unfortunately, I’ve yet to come across the MM/DD of when the alien spaceship made a dent in the Earth (please comment if you did!). You know I’ll celebrate the airing of the first episode, and the option of one of my favorite movies as a bonus. Party twice! If you make a Mean Girls reference I will slap you and Tina Fey.

Misa slapping Hikaru, implying that I will slap you like that if you make a Mean Girls reference

Calypso’s Birthday

When: whenever the hell you want

From: Our Flag Means Death

I’ve only down here because I’ve yet to see it around, but it should totally be a thing! (And this shows that I’m not in the fandom… I should fix that?)

Anyway! Want to throw a party? Have that nagging feeling that you need a reason to have a party, but can’t think of one? Here it is. Just say it’s her birthday. She has a lot of birthdays. And no one really knows when her birthday actually is, so no one can call you out on it. It’s a perfect concept. … I mean yes I guess you can use the air date of that episode, but where’s the fun in that?!

Additionally, dress the part. That means D R A G, lovely!

One of the crewmembers dressed in drag as Calypso

National Rage Week

When: third week of September

From: Me! (and Garfield– title is totally shambling around in its National Fat Week corpse)

It began as a joke while I was still on LiveJournal, early 2000s. I was so Mad About Shit, that I felt like I needed a whole week to complain about Shit. To vent. Because if you don’t vent, you fucking explode. I haven’t observed it in quite some time; due to Current Events we are bringing it back. We’ll discuss anger management as well because… take care of your health, y’all. Being mad is all well and good, but you have to control it like a fire.

Don’t burn out. Take deep breaths. Mark your calendars.

A modified strip of Garfield sitting and declaring: Attention America! I am hereby declaring this week NATIONAL RAGE WEEK. This is the week for all you RAGIN' people to come out of the closet. Rage on and remember to self-soothe after venting.

And it’s now that I tell you that there is an entire list of pop culture holidays (and TV Tropes has some!) so you can discover some of your own! I definitely need to observe more of them.

  • National Grouch Day (Oct 15th, Sesame Street)
  • Summerween (June 22nd, Gravity Falls)
  • Life Day (Nov 17th, Star Wars)
  • K-Day (Aug 10th, Pacific Rim)
  • Hobbit Day (Sept 22nd, Lord of the Rings)
  • Halloween in January (Jan 31st, Bojack Horseman)
  • Galentine’s Day (Feb 15th, Parks and Recreation)
  • Fridge Day (Dec 25th, Dinosaurs)
  • Leap Day (Feb 29th, 30 Rock)

…Yeah, that was one rabbit hole I jumped into.

And there’s nothing stopping you from making up your own. For example, I just thought of "FUCK OFF WITH THE GUNS" Day (July 14th, Trailer Park Boys ep air date, quote from that guy that’s always yelling offscreen).

C’mon. Give it a try!