Context: this meme.

There are at least two layers of gay/queer/LGBTQ culture at work here.

So yeah, if you think the world revolves around your cishet ass, you’re gonna be lost.

And another reason to dislike Facebook regurgitating Tumblr posts.
A Toot

Before I nuked it, I got hit with one of those Facebook memories. As it goes, it was just a meme I SHARE’d real quick for two reasons:

  • it was from Final Fantasy X, one of my all-time favorite games
  • it was gay. as. fuck.

I vaguely remember the FF fan group it was (re)posted in, and to my delight a lot of my fellow queer fans came out to have a kiki and appreciate this piece of freakin’ art:

A freeze frame of Shiva, midsnap. Captioned with "The first time you summoned Shiva in FF X and she did Diamond Dust and with a snap of he fingers your heterosexuality was GONE and you were SHOOK and you KNEW you were gay and there was NO turning back..."

But, alas, the majority of members were a straight bunch.

And they were shook.

Beside themselves.

Confused.

Harshing our freakin’ vibe with their insistence that a meme has to make sense for them, damn it! "I don’t get it!" most of them whined. "I know lesbians exist but why would this make a man gaaaaaaay? Why do our male members like this meme?????? How would this make me gaaaay?" because of course the complainers were straight men and everything has to revolve around them, even shitposts.

I called that, up there, the Shiva Snap. When you just know.

It’s who drag queens strive to be.

It’s for those who are all the stronger for being in touch with their feminine side.

It’s for those that appreciate femininity, regardless of gender. Gender be damned, really.

It’s for that tumblr user who witnessed the sheer fuck yes slay in that summoning sequence and just had to share this gospel through Tumblr and to the world. Look at the notes on this motherfucker. Put some respect on sodomymcscurvylegs’s (user)name.

It’s for those that, if you asked them, they’ll tell you why The Shiva Snap got them, specifically, and it is a varied and nuanced thing that some blogger can’t possibly pithily summarize.

One thing is clear: It’s for the queers.

I got it. They get it. We don’t need a whole dissertation on it.

But if you didn’t (and still don’t) get it:

Don’t worry your goofy head about it. It’s probably not for you. 🙂

Fun, excuse to be fun, fun fun fun, let’s get on with this silly list. You don’t need a whole paragraph explainin’ this shit, I don’t care what the SEO plugin says. pop culture

Revenge of the Fifth

When: May 5th, also May 6th if you’re extra evil

From: Star Wars

Nothing to see here. Cue hand thing.

Independence Day

When: July 4th

From: names-the-same-movie

Will Smith saved us from the aliens on this day!! Respect!!! He could have been at a BBQ!

Until America starts behaving I’m not celebrating that shit! Memorial Day and Juneteenth are more important to me, anyway.

Will Smith in the movie, captioned "4th of July, the day Will Smith saved us from the aliens.

Festivus

When: Dec. 23rd

From: Seinfield

I will have any, and I mean any, excuse to decorate with strange objects, complain, and straight up tackle someone. I also enjoy the anti-consumerism angle it could have.

Frank: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born.

Towel Day

When: May 25th

From: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

I was enamoured with this series when I stumbled upon it in my high school library. And, you know, knowing where your towel is actually good advice… and more relevant the older you get.

TOWEL.JPG is here. Do you know where your towel is?

National Lazy Week

When: Jan 5th to Jan 10th

From: Garfield

As the name suggests, it celebrated being lazy. Garfield Wiki

That’s a message I can get behind. Also, capitalism hates it when we’re lazy. Cue the memes!

Felix the cat napping on a ledge, thinking "I'm not lazy I just don't like making profits for capitalists..."

Fade in the Water Day

When: Aug 5th

From: IRL

Fade in the Water. ROLL (ed up in the) TIDE. The Alabama Sweet Tea Party. The Montgomery Massacre. The Riverboat Rumble. The Montgomery Melee.

No matter what they call it, Black people are talking about the big fight between a group of white men who attacked a Black dock worker and the Black people who swarmed in to defend him. NewsOne

I love us Blackfolx. We can make a holiday out of anything. And I live for this show of Black solidarity we were witness to on that fateful day in 2023. You fuck around, prepare to find the fuck out.

MtG card for the Folding Deck Chair, a Legendary Melee Weapon. Damage 5, Speed 2, Defense 3, Range 1. Increase damage by 3 percent to targets in water environments.


And then you got the ones where I just make up, or do something different.

Dick Plate in the Lake Day

When: Feb 28th

From: Xenosaga

Actually, this was already a thing as KOS-MOS’ Birthday. But I was grasping at something I can do for the Xenosaga franchise. My original idea leaned heavily on a fairly popular snark thing and… uh, let’s say the source material for that didn’t age well. Soooooo I decided to use the first game’s release date and uphold that instead. It’s safer. Makes me cringe less.

…and I still failed that Will Save Throw Whatever DnD Thing because it must be snarked. Dick jokes!! There is an uncomfortable amount of phallic imagery in that game! Dick. Jokes.

Enjoy the YouTube Video my settings Won’t Allow me to embed. Just as well, really.

Macross Day

When: Oct. 3rd (Series), July 21st (DYRL? movie)

From: Macross

Unfortunately, I’ve yet to come across the MM/DD of when the alien spaceship made a dent in the Earth (please comment if you did!). You know I’ll celebrate the airing of the first episode, and the option of one of my favorite movies as a bonus. Party twice! If you make a Mean Girls reference I will slap you and Tina Fey.

Misa slapping Hikaru, implying that I will slap you like that if you make a Mean Girls reference

Calypso’s Birthday

When: whenever the hell you want

From: Our Flag Means Death

I’ve only down here because I’ve yet to see it around, but it should totally be a thing! (And this shows that I’m not in the fandom… I should fix that?)

Anyway! Want to throw a party? Have that nagging feeling that you need a reason to have a party, but can’t think of one? Here it is. Just say it’s her birthday. She has a lot of birthdays. And no one really knows when her birthday actually is, so no one can call you out on it. It’s a perfect concept. … I mean yes I guess you can use the air date of that episode, but where’s the fun in that?!

Additionally, dress the part. That means D R A G, lovely!

One of the crewmembers dressed in drag as Calypso

National Rage Week

When: third week of September

From: Me! (and Garfield– title is totally shambling around in its National Fat Week corpse)

It began as a joke while I was still on LiveJournal, early 2000s. I was so Mad About Shit, that I felt like I needed a whole week to complain about Shit. To vent. Because if you don’t vent, you fucking explode. I haven’t observed it in quite some time; due to Current Events we are bringing it back. We’ll discuss anger management as well because… take care of your health, y’all. Being mad is all well and good, but you have to control it like a fire.

Don’t burn out. Take deep breaths. Mark your calendars.

A modified strip of Garfield sitting and declaring: Attention America! I am hereby declaring this week NATIONAL RAGE WEEK. This is the week for all you RAGIN' people to come out of the closet. Rage on and remember to self-soothe after venting.


And it’s now that I tell you that there is an entire list of pop culture holidays (and TV Tropes has some!) so you can discover some of your own! I definitely need to observe more of them.

  • National Grouch Day (Oct 15th, Sesame Street)
  • Summerween (June 22nd, Gravity Falls)
  • Life Day (Nov 17th, Star Wars)
  • K-Day (Aug 10th, Pacific Rim)
  • Hobbit Day (Sept 22nd, Lord of the Rings)
  • Halloween in January (Jan 31st, Bojack Horseman)
  • Galentine’s Day (Feb 15th, Parks and Recreation)
  • Fridge Day (Dec 25th, Dinosaurs)
  • Leap Day (Feb 29th, 30 Rock)

…Yeah, that was one rabbit hole I jumped into.

And there’s nothing stopping you from making up your own. For example, I just thought of "FUCK OFF WITH THE GUNS" Day (July 14th, Trailer Park Boys ep air date, quote from that guy that’s always yelling offscreen).

C’mon. Give it a try!

Maybe it’s the fact that I wrote every single day last month, or the fact that my default is I write a lot as if to make up for the lost time. At only 202 words a day, I’m still pretty much crushing it. But, yeah. I got prompts out the kazoo: 750 Words has a prompt thingy now, I have an inspirational one-a-day desktop calendar, I get newsletters for prompt topics in my email, not to mention all the lists of prompts I’ve already made, living in "Interesting Times,"… I’ve no shortage of what to write.

I also sat and read Ice Planet Barbarians.

The cover for Ice Planet Barbarians, Spahish edition. It's a lot more dynamic and striking than the bland English version.
I like this cover a lot more!

A bonding moment with a complete stranger over something we both loved? The adventure of diving into something I’d Never Normally Pick Up? Any reason to pick up and read random spicy book things? Maaaybe. I am ready for the potential Hot Mess I may have on my hands.

But first, I had to find the thing. It wasn’t available on my eReader of choice, a Kobo device. At least, I couldn’t find an English version. And since I’ve sworn off anything Kindle-related (fuck their DRM!), I had to get creative. Yadda yadda yadda, and the book is open on my phone instead. I can tolerate a smaller form factor for a short book– it’s only 180 pages.

First Impression

They even got to a BIPOC person eventually!

Oh, this thing is, like, TikTok famous. From what I heard about BookTok, they do enjoy the spicy books over there, and we’re not talkin’ about food (or maybe we are, depending on the book…). In case you’re not picking up what I’m putting down: erotica. It’s erotica. There’s sex in it. It’s for adults that like that sort of thing.

And there are 21 books. One novella even dares reference Vanilla Ice to stay on theme. Because yes, of course, pregnancy and babies do eventually show up. Ice, Ice, Babies. 

oh man is BookTok str8 as hell or–

Before We Crash Land

First off– this is absolutely not a review! Nothing on par with, say, Reads With Rachel. This is so far off of what I normally read that it’d be unfair for me to rate or critique it, you know? I can tell you that it was an alright read– if a bit by-the-numbers– and if you’re into This Sorta Thing you may enjoy it! Read actual reviews or whatever and decide from there!

I begin with that because… yo. The amount of eyerolling I did while reading this.

For transparency’s sake: while proofreading this entry I noted that I Might Protest Too Much, so don’t be surprised if I pick up a few books after this. I ain’t too proud to tell ya that.

SPOILERS FROM HERE, NERDS. 

There will also be frank discussion of all the pre-martial hanky panky going on in this book. I marked it NSFW accordingly, but there are no NSFW graphics.

Additional Content Warnings: sexual assault, pregnancy

Joyce yelling at Joe, "Premartial Hanky-Panky!"
Thanks, Joyce! (And Willis)

Continue reading

Remember that To-Read list last year? I gave it a honest try, before getting sidetracked. If a long-anticipated book wasn’t dropping, science fiction was calling my name. I read a ton of that last year, according to my StoryGraph.

What I Did Read

  • Around the Way Girl, by Taraji P. Henson – I don’t read a lot of nonfiction, so I made a point to give this attention. Need a physical copy for my shelves– the highest accolade I can bestow a book.
  • Now I’ll Tell You Everything, Volume 25, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor – I caught up on Wikipedia and dove right in. What a wonderful sendoff.
  • The Jade Bone Saga by Fonda Lee – had been on my To Read list for a long time. Enjoyed every damn minute of it and I think I like urban fantasy now.
  • Wind and Truth by Brandon Sanderson – When this came out in December, I dropped everything and gave this my undivided attention. I was shook. I am shaken. Did I mention I was shook? We have a book club of three dedicated to the Cosmere and I can’t wait for our next meeting.
  • Iron Widow and Heavenly Tyrant by Xiran Jay Zhao – Unfortunately, Sanderson writes some doorstoppers so I had to wait before devouring the sequel (and yes, loved the first book!). Again, I was shook and shaken. More. More! Moooooore!!
  • The Children of Time series by Adrian Tchaikovsky – Currently on the final book, Children of Memory; I paused between books to read Sanderson and Zhao. It really scratched my itch for Uplifted Animals in Space. Jumping spiders creating flowy spaceships, octupi who cracked the code on FTL travel, and corvids who outlived humans on a semi-terraformed planet.

What I Didn’t Read

  • Queen Bees and Wannabes – this just fell lower and lower on my priority list. Sorry, nonfiction.
  • Small Steps by Louis Sachar – no excuse, really.
  • So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole – Highest Priority Bump; I’m mad at myself for neglecting this one. There’s a sequel coming out soon so I need to get on it!
  • Winter Without End by Casimir Laski – I’ve yet to come across a physical copy of this.
  • Alecto the Ninth by Tamsyn Muirwhere is it where is it where is it where is it where is it where is it where is it where is it
  • Connie Willis anything – as Crosstalk made me break out in hives, I won’t be torn up about this if I never get around to it. I’m scared, man.

Looking Forward To

The cover for Their Vicious Games. A hand is holding up a multi-faceted perfume bottle reflecting various faces in a variety of emotions

Their Vicious Games by Joelle Wellington

I ate up some some horror/thriller compilations like The Black Girl Survives in This One and All These Sunken Souls. I want more. Apparently I’m setting myself up for thrillers and horrors this year. I am ready to be scared. Consensually. Unlike anything Connie Willis may write to upset my introverted nerves.

Cover for I Fed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me. A Black woman-read person's head is eerily staring at you, from a pool of water mostly covered in blood. A skull is in the background, barely made out in the cavern walls.

I Fed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me by Jamison Shea

I came across this person while searching for more scary stuff. They’re also featured in These Dreaming Spires collection, so add that to my To-Read list too.

Cover for The Weight of Blood. Black and white, a prom queen with a splash of red blood on her person.

The Weight of Blood by Tiffany D. Jackson

"Basically an interesting spin on Stephen King’s Carrie," a friend summarized to me. Grrl, say less!

Book cover for A Crown So Cursed. A young Black woman is holding a machete in one hand and nun chucks in the other, looking determined.

A Crown So Cursed by L.L. McKinney

This is the third (and final, IIRC) book in the Nightmare-Verse series that slipped by me as it released in 2023. I’m a sucker for Alice and Wonderland GRIMDARK stories– I loved The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor (and now that I mention it, I’ll re-read that series too.) Unlike Beddor’s work, this is YA with the protagonist as a high schooler. I would’ve loved this when I was a Young Adult!

Covers of the Broken Earth Series: Obelisk Gate, The Stone Sky, and The Fifth Season. Elaborate stone engravings overlayed with red, teal, and gray respectively.

The Broken Earth series by N.K. Jemisin

Because why the fuck haven’t I read it yet? Because I thought it a fantasy series, that’s why, and I need to give fantasy books more of a chance. There’s a reason why people keep telling me about this!

the book cover for Dungeon Crawler Carl. A white man in a jacket and heart-patterned boxers. Along with a fluffy cat, he is running ahead of a troll-driven tank-with-spikes.

Honorable Mention: Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman

One of those "eh, I’ll get to it" nominations, but the premise is interesting: Earth gets turned into a giant dungeon by bored aliens and hilarity ensues. If I get really in the mood for something lighthearted and silly I’ll definitely look into this.

The book covers for the Foundation series-- six books, each with a representation of their theme: Prelude to Foundation has interlocking circles and wavelengths. Foundation and Earth has a person in the center of the planet. Foundation's Edge is a sort of star map. Second Foundation has someone radiating telegraphic waves from their forehead. Foundation and Empire has the scientific model of the atom. Foundation has a spaceship blasting into the heavens.

I’ll Probably Just Read the SparkNotes: The Foundation Series by Isaac Asimov

A partner and I have been watching the Foundation series and let’s just say I need a refresher. It was years and years ago when I finished the books and– as this entry’s theme– all I could remember was that, eventually The Mule shows up. I’ve been enjoying the episodes but I can’t help but wonder what I’m missing, and what all the changes are (besides some even I picked up). By the way, the casting and acting? Absolutely phenomenal.

The Book Cover for Sunshine. Red and Black, a chandelier and roof at an artistic angle.

The Intrusive Thought: Sunshine by Robin McKinley

Watching (listening) to a Youtube video about some baking scam or another, the cover of a book jumped into my mind as someone described their business as "a romance novel" due to all the smells of baking. It was this one. Was it a romance novel? I don’t remember. All I can recall is that a baker and a vampire get involved with each other, somehow. And I do remember a friend recommending it to me a decade-and-change ago because I wanted something Twilight similar. But I’ll probably pick this up again; I did enjoy it.

After I read that one book someone told me about last year. I’m a man of my word.

The book cover for ice planet barbarians. A woman is embracing a larger blue-skinned man. His back is to us.
OH HONEY

And if you have any more recommendations for me, or just want to talk about your latest read, please leave a comment!

For Mastodon to not only supersede Twitter but to thrive in its own merit, it needs to not only listen to the vulnerable among us, but implement changes for a better Internet culture. The tools have been there, and so have been their highlighted shortcomings.

Now what will they make of it?Background Radiation

I wrote that about two years ago. And how are things now? Well…

The racism still persists.

Suggested features to further community have been ignored.

Concerns are met with a "just fork it yourself if you don’t like it."

Member safety is still an afterthought.

Onboarding isn’t intuitive, explained, or convenient enough.

So when Twitter finally pissed off enough people for a more permanent mass exodus, they all flocked to BlueSky– which is just Twitter with the future promise of ActivityPub integration. And has the same pitfalls, too, if the Singal situation is any indication. Some people (read: techbros) were flabbergasted at this development. I may have been angry at people for staying on BlueSky (and I still think I brought up a good point), but I still wasn’t surprised, really.

Mastodon, frankly, has done Jack and Shit to earn new user trust since 2022. It is an elitist project so narrow in scope that it doesn’t have room for improvements or user-friendly anything. It’s a reputation justly earned, in my opinion.

I remembered why I left Mastodon for the first time (around 2016? 2017?): it was not welcoming. It was gross. It was so Overwhelmingly White, the biggest Black-owned instance received so much vitriol for just existing. I went back to Twitter because it was, at least, the poison my body grew used to. And all my peers were there, anyway. But it was still toxic to me. When Muskadoo bought and reshaped that platform in his own image, only then I considered giving the fediverse another go.

You can say I’ve been advocating for the IndieWeb every since. Or at least diversifying your platforms. But for the people I was nigh insufferable about, pestering to get on Mastodon, because we need off those fucking platforms[1], because we need better for ourselves, damn it…

sorry.

But I’ve since outgrown that because… it’s hard to convince people when the new option is basically the Same Ol’ Shit– if not worse. The few that looked into Mastodon did not like what they saw, or shortly abandoned their accounts. It was true in 2017 and it is true now. I haven’t stopped recommending it as an option, but with a lot of caveats, guidelines, and invites to Actually Decent Servers due to my experience on the platform. And I am a lot quieter about it. Because it still sucks.

But why am I still there?

Because I curated my Mastodon space. I made it mine. With work, I found an instance I was happy with (and seemed stable enough to not shut down to the whims of a tantrum-ing admin)– their values and moderation concerns aligned with my own. This particular instance is also a fork of the official project, so we circumvent more of the troubling aspects. With this culture of stability ("echo chamber," ROFL) I was able to better connect with strangers on a genuine level, no matter how casual, and I’ve found myself among people determined to make online spaces accessible and safer for everyone.

I also block. A lot. The Block Game is strong.

And I remember more vividly when I came back. I logged into my .xyz account, and two familiar faces were still fighting the good fight. It showed me at at least somebody was giving a fuck, and I could learn how to be better.

So I stayed.

It took me years to get this content (enough).

Ideally, it shouldn’t have to take that long.

they obviously care if they are even bringing it up. be more concerned when people are silent!something I’ve said, about something else


[1] I still stand by this, but it’s not going to be easy. We may have to go as far as build what we want. Let’s take it one step at a time.

I said I wasn’t gonna do this again.

But it doesn’t count if it’s unpolished.

It doesn’t count if the resources are right at the tip of my tongue.

But I think of these two groups I’m in, and how they are both failing me. Despite one’s best efforts, Redacted doesn’t want to bring their people into such an unwelcoming place. And the other, built from the ashes of something else, is faltering just like its predecessor because the lead lacks representation and different ways of seeing the world.

And a third, I fear, I would be deregulated to background noise because I frankly don’t have enough capital or experience.

How I, once again, just said "fuck it" and made my own space. It’s not giving up, yet it feels at odds with taking up space in these white spaces.

Maybe I should

just

stop

but i deserve to be there

so

i wont stop

https://oxford-review.com/the-oxford-review-dei-diversity-equity-and-inclusion-dictionary/double-consciousness-definition-and-explanation/

until

i do

So decipher this:

There is only one way to make your spaces diverse and welcoming enough for people of color to stick around.

It’s simple.

Make these spaces safe enough.

Have diverse admins, board members, friend groups.

Uplift the voices that aren’t yours.

Shoutout the places you know your PoC friends would be welcome. Boost their words. Highlight them. Don’t ignore them.

Listen. No platitudes, no explaining over, no compromising. No shuffling Everyone Else in a "QPOC" channel where anyone can shuffle in and make the space Unsafe.

Call that shit out. You see this shit?

https://archive.ph/scZ1b

Destroy it. Cast it into the fire. Stomp that shit out and don’t let it fester. Don’t be like Mastodon.

I see now, that I can be a lighthouse. If another Black person shows up, we can make eye contact and I can tell them they won’t be alone. I can point to where we can truly go. I’ve had decades of fly-in-milk experience, and I actually wouldn’t wish that on anyone despite being a vindictive monster. But still, I have to be there. And sometimes I am tired, because it is tiring.

Understand that I can’t always be there.

Understand that someone’ll be wary, even if I am there. Because I’ll be the only one.

Understand that there is a chance you’ll never see me again.

Quote Picard. Everyone loves to quote Picard.

But when I do reappear it will be demanding, aggressive: I am fucking here in spite of this. you will see me i am here too i deserve this too

And what else?

Educate yourself. Unpack your biases. Create the space you want to see.

Try. Keep trying. It’s ongoing, ever building. It is work to be anti-racist, and if you want to be safe enough, you will need to work for it.

And you still won’t be for everyone.

That’s all you can do.

But you want something more concrete, don’t you? Some stuff to read? Something to do?

Practical Diversity

The Token: Common Sense Ideas for Creating Diversity in Your Organization

who was this for?

me, mostly; as i grapple with double consciousness. express frustration. remind me of my resolve. what i can do. what i and others need, and provide it.

And I won’t be taking any questions.

I have fond memories of it. I first heard about it in high school through a friend of mine. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to obtain one of their coveted invites– an email and code that a current user had to send you. Until they opened registration for everyone, I made do with other platforms like BlogDrive.

BlogDrive's site loaded in a browser, but there is only a database error.
Nothing gold can stay.

Livejournal won me over with all the features they had tha BD lacked, like communities and privacy options for each of your entries. And I could finally read the entries my HS bestie was posting behind the "Friend Locked" posts– "Flocked," for short. There was still a social aspect, but I chose LiveJournal over MySpace. I liked poetry and writing and I felt it was a better fit.

A few of my friends migrated with me from BlogDrive, but I made new friends there as well. I have really fond memories of the communities I was a part of. Especially the fanfiction and other fandom communities. Some of my longest Internet friends I have met through mutual interests or Friending Meme sprees. I’ve bonded with offline friends as well, who signed up or already had accounts, and our relationships grew closer because of it. We grew older together, read about each other’s lives and milestones. A few people on my Ride-or-Die list came from LJ and we are still thick as thieves!

I had my favorites, and I mostly hung around anything with video game news, yuri, random yousendit links (I discovered a lot of cool music this way), snark, and DRAMA comms. And we lived through some LiveJournal DRAMA. As usual, you have the occasional spat between two more more users, which would be documented in a community for its members to poke fun and laugh at. And then there was the communities created to make fun of the members of said community ("meta"). And then were were communities dedicated to just sniping at each other. And then there were the communities that would document "dumb stuff," whatever that was.

While the interpersonal clashes did happen, it was different from what we’re gonna get into next: LJ Capital-D DRAMA. This Drama impacted the entire website– and beyond.

Nipplegate was the first major upheaval under SixApart’s purview: somehow, people with breasts feeding their children was in violation of their rules in the year of our lord 2006. Nevermind tho, though– Strikethrough ’07 was where things really began heating up. Around 500 communities and journals were suspended with no warning– and no recourse. If you had interests listed in the bio that were sexually explicit– especially illegal sexual ones– your account was axed. Unfortunately, it was a baby-with-bathwater situation.

The goal here was to get journals with profiles that listed “child rape” or “pedophilia” as their interests to know they’re not welcome on LJ. Naturally, the list of sites submitted by groups like WFI likely included some friendly fire, including legitimate communities for abuse survivors, or, yes fandom. And we accidentally suspended some of those communities, but their data is not gone and will be restored once we get our shit together. Anil Dash, Meta Filter

For most of us in fandom, we did note that the disproportionate amount of suspended accounts were… gay. Very gay. Russia Would Totally Censor This gay. Suspicious, to say the least. And this happened again in the same year, this time under the moniker Boldthrough– as usernames were in bold instead of "struck out," like that would fool anyone.

Now, migrations or backups to other services was nothing new– whenever LJ servers went down, everyone panicked and made spare accounts or updated their archives. But after Boldthrough, it was different. Most of us saw the writing on the wall with its new Russian ownership, especially when it came to journalism and LGBTQ topics. Additionally, more people were fed up with having their transformative works disappear at the whim of moral guardians.

So we began to strike out (groan) for greener pastures.

Between LJ’s fuckups and FF.Net nuking NC-17 fic, the collective fandom-in-general had had enough. And that is how we got Archive of Our Own! It’s a more positive impact on the Internet compared to, say, Encyclopedia Dramatica (tldr edgelord wikipedia). There were also the software forks of the pre-Russian Livejournal code.

There was GreatestJournal— with it’s 1000 icon limit, a constant supply of pop culture snarkiness and role-playing hubs– until it quietly went offline.

Fandom Wank’s home of JournalFen held on for longer, but it grew dark in 2015.

Deadjournal and InsaneJournal are still alive and kicking.

And then you have Dreamwidth— founded in 2009 by former LJ employees with a commitment to their principles: Transparency, Freedom, Respect, and No Ads. To this day it is still highly recommended and thriving, especially compared to DJ and IJ. At least, it is much more widely known.

I’ve now owned a Dreamwidth account for the majority of my online presence. Even when I was mainly blogging on WordPress, I’d login to read other’s lives, works, and everything in between. Now, if I posted– that was another matter. But the older I become, the more I rely on journaling my life to remember the good and bad things (or just what I ate for dinner that one day last week). And I’ve become better at that habit.

But like most things on the Internet, old school Livejournal was something else. I’ve been chasing that high ever since.

To get a more in-depth reads about LiveJournal, check out Strikethrough, Boldthrough, Nipplegate, and Russian Censorship: The Livejournal Saga.

If you thought my mental health was bad in 2020, let’s travel back to 201X when I had no car, no home (of my own), no employment that was actually paying me, no offline support network at the time, and couldn’t even get hired at the Family Dollar down the street. I was All In during this time– if no one would hire me, then fuck it, I’ll work with my friend (let’s call him Michael) in the IT business. You know, that thing I went to school for.

I was the frontend designer for our clients, while also branching out to customer service, server administration, invoicing, social media managing,  and… just shooting the shit as we stayed up late into the night, just working on whatever, putting on terrible movies like Atlantic Rim and Whatever the Fuck That Shamwow Guy Did with the Cameras. I loved those late nights. There were bad nights, too, like when we stayed up for days after a server move had our client’s sites down for that long. When we couldn’t sue the guy that used my artwork because our backups went up in smoke so we couldn’t prove our case. And hours cussing out [INSERT MONOPOLY INTERNET PROVIDER HERE] under our breath as they gave us the runaround.

And the clients.

Most were… fine. They just had us do backend stuff, update here and there, and call it a day. We never hear from them other than a request. Those clients got into our portfolio. But it was the other fuckers… the ones that were profoundly difficult, that went into another sort of book. One you could, say, burn. A Mean Girls reference, if you will.

A blue notebook with "BURN BOOK - IT Edition" on its cover, aping the style from the movie Mean Girls.

They really didn’t help the mental health.

The worst ones would be hurling insults and outrageous shit. Michael, being far more charismatic that I was, took most of the phone calls– and the abuse. Fortunately, he gave as good as he got– if not better– and we’d zipfile them their intellectual property and tell them to fuck off. But then there were the Memorable Ones that still stick on my claw (or however the saying goes).

The Textile Jerk This one I was really proud of, my first solid responsive layout. I have tested extensively and even utilized lightbox. But when it came time to pay the second half of the invoice, he refused, claiming that the code sucked, the layout sucked, the colors sucked– but somehow, did not say a word about this despite our preliminary mockups and design queries.

The Pixel Pusher If a button was one pixel away from the one beside it, we’d get a call about it. They went back and forth on color changes. They threw an absolute fit when this border looked slightly different in IE than Firefox. A fucking nightmare.

The Equus ferus caballus That Couldn’t This was to be our magnum opus. We were getting into Ruby on Rails, and it was a delightful process. We had a beautiful layout, chill color scheme, video intro, the works. We even committed the cardinal sin of throwing in extra flourishes and work because we were passionate about the project. Everything seemed great. Until a new name entered our communications and started tearing everything down (I suspect clashes on their end). The project halted, and it never got off the ground.

The Amusing One It just had the sort of thing designers snicker at– a photographer with a lot of books being set on fire or something. But hey, that’s what he wanted, and that’s what I remember him for. It could have been a lot worse. Oh, and this solidified my hatred for coding for Flash. But that wasn’t his fault.

The Discount Palpatine I shit you not this dude was trying some weird ass Jedi mindtricks or psychological hypnosis, intoning phrases strangely. After our conference call I went "What the hell was he doing!?" Michael told me some of the more sinister subliminal nonsense salespeople like to try. The app they wanted? Gambling related.

Honorable mentions go to the companies we had business dinners with, or started off on great footing… only to dissolve, disappear, or get arrested and thrown in jail for fraud.

And we had one client foolish enough to refuse to pay us, so we just shut off their server. Legally, it was probably bad form, but still hilarious in a petty way.

So… that was what we were dealing with.

I put up boundaries. I paced myself. I made sure to step away and refused to work weekends. But it wasn’t enough. It all grew too much and I was let go from my own company because I was spiraling so badly, beyond burnout… and I couldn’t be paid for what I was doing, anyway. We couldn’t afford me. The company eventually folded, but Michael lasted much longer than I did.

Until a business partner stole $10,000 from him.

Ultimately, as usual, all of our ills came down to money. They didn’t want to pay what the service actually cost– if they wanted to pay at all. Chargebacks were a common occurrence, with Paypal siding with the customer more often than not. Scope Creep was constant battle and like Textile Jerk, suddenly had excuses to put off paying the bill.

I don’t miss that shit.

BONUS: for more horror stories, read Clients from Hell.

Squid Game Season 2 was one of the most anticipated releases, but did binge-watching ruin the experience?Avatar Obi

I was browsing YouTube, as you do, and came across that thinker. It made me pause and reconsider how I consume television shows.

MSPaint Joke

We didn’t have binging growing up, unless it was DVD sets or marathons on television. Every Sunday night, one of my parents would go outside to give the TV antenna a few twists– enough for the FOX channel to come in. Sometimes it’ll be good enough but if the weather was great, the signal was crisp. The metal bar would shriek against the trailer until it was ready, and we’d all settle in to watch an episode of The Simpsons.

Waiting and adjusting was the norm, and that was still the case by the time torrenting came around. If you knew the right channels the wait wasn’t much longer than more mundane means. Free tiers on Crunchyroll, IRC channels, and peers was only a day’s delay behind official broadcasts. I’d obtain, watch, and eagerly go somewhere to gab about it. I got to share the excitement of Evil Morty’s master plan, every WTF moment in Attack on Titan, and whatever obscure yuri was recommended to me.

But then I left Reddit, and I no longer had access to those spaces. Now I just hold off until the entire season is done releasing, then I’ll binge to my heart’s content. Since I had no one to talk to about it I didn’t have to wait. But I find myself hitting up TVTropes for details and angles I could have missed… especially when I fall asleep during a insomniac binge.

Pacing myself to a sustainable amount of episodes per day is a happy medium for me. As Obi mentions, this gives me time to mull over and really appreciate the story. This theory has only been bolstered by watching Foundation with a partner– while I could easily watch several 50-minute episodes in a row, they’d tap out after one or two. And since we’re watching together, I’d be forced to wait. And I really enjoy Foundation.

And I do regret not watching X-men ’97 with everyone else; I missed out on the community fun and discussion. I’ll be sure to follow along next time.

The idea shamelessly swiped from a mutual friend of mine on Dreamwidth, rionaleonhart. You should also check out their Neocities site, https://balambgdn.neocities.org/, because sites like these need more love.

It’s little reviews for video games they have played! All I did was narrow down the scope to games I still have lying around, for whatever generations the Playstation, Playstation 2 and XBox 360 are. I forget. oh and the DS!

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