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I had a rad 7th grade Social Studies teacher. I can’t remember her name, but she was a small lady who had a sense of humor and wore jeans. I daresay she was even kinda cool, and I’m not just saying that because Social Studies was one of my favorite classes (I love to read that much). Unfortunately, I don’t recall much except four things:


  • The time we watched The Little Mermaid and the class clown– responding to Ariel’s “Why, Eric? Run away with me?”– yelled incredulously at the screen: “You don’t have legs! You can’t run!”

  • I managed to have The Latest Crush sign my yearbook. We never spoke to each other before that. He was surprised that I wanted one; I surprised myself by feeling brave enough to even ask.

  • That pretty sweet drawing I did poking fun at The Boston Tea Party for extra credit. (Alas, lost to time. Maybe. I’ll check my closet).


It was this Fourth Thing that cemented her as A Cool Teacher (but as is tradition, The Cool Teacher was the Art teacher).


The school year starts out as usual. Each class rarely began with lessons and homework on the first day. Instead, the period was spent going over rules, lesson timeline, grading scale, the boring but important stuff. So when we wandered into this corner classroom we expected more of the same.


And it was– except for a twist. When we got to the Rules section of our material, she instructed us to open our brand new spiral notebooks. I’m sure a lot of us thought “Dang, we’re taking notes already?!” But no.


On the top of the very first page, she had us write this, instead:


DO NOTHING TO INTERRUPT INSTRUCTION.


and tasked us with how we could (and would) follow that rule.


Simple, right?


Deceptively so.


While some of our suggestions took the piss out of it, they still had a glimmer of truth in them. The majority of what we scribbled down were serious: no loud noises, no gum in seats, don’t be rude, don’t be late, respect the teacher– someone even mentioned no sleeping! Some were obvious, some were creative, but all of us were using our developing brains for ten minutes trying to come up with a least ten subrules.


This is something I carry with me to this day. Hell, a version of this typically encompasses the spaces I moderate. When you really boil it down, a list of rules can arguably be summed up with a “do nothing to disrupt this space.”


It’s like the Golden Rule, but in social groups.


And I think that is pretty cool.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: What would you do if you won the lottery?

I’m one of those folks that automatically go for the nuances, the catches, and the myriad of ways something can go differently. Thanks, anxiety! My answer would depend on how big the winnings are. But let’s pretend it’s enough money to cover everything I want to do.

First, the Responsible Things. In addition to paying down my debts, I’m buying a house, buying a solid car, and retiring early. Preferably it’ll be some land where I can plop a modest-size one-story semi-smart house, and a shed somewhere on the property. Lots of patio. Then I’m getting my teeth fixed– all the dental stuff I couldn’t afford to do, I’m doing it. Probably all at once to get it over with, and just recover at the new crib.

If I’m living alone, that’ll be that. But I’ll have plenty of space for a partner’s garden, another’s getaway, and another’s crafting area. And regardless, there’s going to be a huge dining room table for board game nights.

Now, we’re going to be indulgent: elaborate tattoos, a gaming rig that actually plays modern games, a new laptop (still, with Linux!), wardrobe refresh/additions, jewelry that doesn’t turn green, mysteriously lose 30 pounds, obtain a small library complete with comfy chairs, a media room, and a few gadgets that caught my eye.

…Okay, one more indulgence: I’ll have all the streaming services and give out the logins to anyone that wants one.

I’d give Empire the proper ending it deserves. I’d bring back Freaks and Geeks. I’ll pay off Nicki Minaj to stop embarrassing herself.

All that is stuff off the top of my head. But let me tell you what I wish and daydream about the most.

I want my mom to have a house in the location she loves. I want my youngest sib to be secure with the best tech and have the car my dad always said I could buy: some red fancy thing. I want us to have a house close to the beach.

I want to donate to local queer charities so I won’t have to see them shut down only after seven years of existing. I want programs and buildings that actually give a shit about the homeless. I’ll resurrect Comic Girl Coffee. I’ll heavily patronize the businesses of people of color.

I want to help out, if not outright rescue, my loved ones anywhere in the country that are having a hard time. I want to declare: I got you. Just exist and create art. I’ll meet the goal of every mutual aid post that comes across my feed.

I want a row or a tiny neighborhood of all my friends and partners and metas and cool people (a commune, that’s a commune).

I want to know the feeling of knowing that your bills are always paid.

I want to see the doctor without worrying if it’ll cost me.

My savings account would actually have some money in it.

I want the setbacks to be mere hiccups.

Taking trips around the world or a McMansion are the farthest from my mind. Because let’s be real, I’m a broke millennial– the dream for me is the basics.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

I can tell you what type of items I tended to get attached to: something small, probably cute, and later on was a prop for my comedy. Except for a few, these were almost always bears. Some exceptions include a dragon, Squirrel Dude, a cat, and my oldest favorite: Actually a Bobcat. Because he had spots, so he was a bobcat, damn it!

His name was Kitten, originally. He was small like one! He couldn’t have been more than 5 inches tall, and is now a very light gray. In 7th grade I had a dear friend take him home to have her mom patch up his failing spotted butt, so his butt implant is a light blue. This was also the same friend that insisted on calling him Bob (short for bobcat) but I refused, so we compromised: KittenBob.

He was certainly for companionship in the lonely elementary school years, like a security blanket. It was pretty rough for a shy bookworm taking speech therapy classes. He didn’t start really becoming the vehicle of jokes until middle school– I’d act out scenes or have him deliver punchlines, usually in math class. In a routine, he was the boke to my tsukkomi. I didn’t make it as the class clown, but my friends thought I was funny.

When I became a freshman in high school, I began leaving him at home; KittenBob was getting old and I worried about damaging him. He passed the mantle onto a character I created to entertain my younger sibling, the inspiration being a knockoff beanie baby. From doodle to prop, his successor was Not A Cat and carried on to be a distraction in Spanish class, a guest during silly family outings, and starring in his own college project!

I still have them hanging about my bedroom, chillin’ in the shadowbox or lurking on a bookshelf.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: What are your favorite sports to watch and play?

People Speedrunning Video Games.

No, seriously.

It’s very awesome to see people become so good at the game that they beat it in record time. They have an intimate knowledge of not only how the game itself works, but the quirks and nuances of not only the format the game is in, but also the system the game is played on. It can get pretty technical when you think beyond speed, though that alone is still pretty impressive. I personally enjoy the runs where glitches are exploited and the game is utterly broken– that takes time and dedication.

When a speedrun tournament is happening, I block off my evenings and not move from the couch. The outside world ceases to exist. I’d have a spread of finger food, hookah, drinks, and other friends that enjoy video game content (but if it’s just me, the spread is much smaller). I cheer on my favorites, jump up when a hard trick is pulled off, and you know I’m shouting when someone breaks a world record! I laugh, I cry, I wish I wasn’t hand-eye-coordination impaired.

These events are my Super Bowl.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: What books do you want to read?

This year, I’m making a point to go through my To-Read list of over 300 books. Some are recent, but most have been around for quite some time, and some may be pruned as I lost interest over the years. Additionally, excuse any preliminary typos for my Bloganurary posts. I refuse to give myself the luxury of sitting on these entries for months with revisions and hand-wringing (it’s January, after all), but I’ll do my best to edit in post (in-post?). But onward. I promise, this will be a short list!

Speaking of that To-Read List... 1

Around the Way Girl, by Taraji P. Henson

Look, she was the only reason I stuck with Empire to the end (okay, the first reason; the second reason is that I love mess and Empire’s storyline was Mess Squared, ending with someone getting bludgeoned with a prosthetic leg). But I love her in just about everything she’s in. Hell, she’s the reason I sat through one of Tyler Perry’s awful movies, and even her acting couldn’t save that thing. Since quoting Mean Girls is so hot right now, you can say I have a BIG LESBIAN CRUSH on her too (her as Shug Avery? SWOON, I tell you). Admittedly I have a surface-level knowledge of most celebrities and actors, and unfortunately Henson is no different. So I want to read her book and know more about her. I can’t wait to pick this up!

Speaking of that To-Read List... 2

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, by Rosalind Wiseman

Since I mentioned Mean Girls earlier I figure I’m obligated to add this. Based on the movie that gave us Boo, you whore, this is actually nonfiction! I feel like I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am– this isn’t the first time the film deviated from the book its based on, and it won’t be the last. I’m morbidly curious and a little afraid– and I feel like I could’ve used this book.

Speaking of that To-Read List... 3

Now I’ll Tell You Everything, Volume 25, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

This is what I call a Nostalgia Read. I grew up along with Alice as she experienced loss, befriended friends, and tried to find out what the hell a pomegranate was and why breasts were compared to it. And of course, the series slipped my mind until it was announced that this would be THE LAST ONE. So now I’m getting around to it. Finally. I feel like I should find a synopsis or summaries of all the previous books in the series; it doesn’t feel right just diving in after years of neglect. That’s the only reason why I haven’t gone further than the first chapter.

Speaking of that To-Read List... 4

Small Steps, by Louis Sachar

It’s the sequel to the much-beloved Holes. Enough said.

Speaking of that To-Read List... 5

So Let Them Burn, by Kamilah Cole

Cole was one of the authors affected by the terrible business of that Goodreads Review Controversy, which is… a lot. Here’s a comprehensive video by With Cindy and another from Reads with Rachel for good measure), for they both explain WTF happened and highlight other authors that were unfairly targeted. They aren’t the only writer I plan to check out, but I feel the strongest pull toward this book. A fantasy story based on Jamaican culture, I feel this is an absolute breath of fresh air from the vast majority of European culture-based ones (at least, when I was growing up; y’all kids got it much better these days!).

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

Frankly, I’ve been sleeping on this author and I’m forever Late to the Party. (And FYI, she was also instrumental in helping piece together the bigger picture re: Goodreads Review Controversy.) I knew her first from her analysis of Chinese culture and representation in media. I want to check out all of her work. > Iron Widow is a YA sci-fi retelling of the rise of Wu Zetian, the only female emperor in Chinese history. The series follows an 18-year-old re-imagining of her as she avenges her sister’s murder by an intensely patriarchal military system that pairs boys and girls up to pilot giant magical mecha based on creatures from East Asian myth (Nine-Tailed Fox, Moon Rabbit, etc.), but in which boy pilots are treated like celebrities, while girl pilots must serve as their concubines. https://xiranjayzhao.com/index.php/books/

Now tell me that doesn’t sound rad. I dare you.

Speaking of that To-Read List... 6

Winter Without End, by Casimir Laski

The author is also Cardinal West on Youtube, who I began watching for their in-depth video essays of xenofiction. When they announced and released their debut novel, I was pretty hyped! Their essays are so informative, illustrative, and thorough— suffice to say they know their stuff, and I have very high expectations about this tale of an uneasy post-pandemic alliance between dog and wolf. Yes, I love Watership Down, why do you ask? But seriously: in case you’re wondering what xenofiction even is, look no further than one of his videos.

Speaking of that To-Read List... 7

Alecto the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

No book cover as of this post, so have this. . No reason. No reason at all. It’s only the fourth book in an amazing series full of sci-fi, bone mischief, necromancers, lesbians, a certain red-headed badass (that’s also a lesbian), memes (that’s not as bad as it sounds, honest), monsters, ghosts probably, and bizarre magic (in addition to the bone mischief). MY EMOTIONS Y’ALL

Honorable Mention: something by Connie Willis

I could not finish one of her more recent works, Crosstalk. It stressed me out with its hectic farce-y pace. The constant need for the protag to dodge gossipy coworkers and meddling family was incredibly draining, especially for an introvert like me. My DNF Explanation

She is a big name in Science Fiction circles but I haven’t ran into her books until now– probably because she writes romantic ‘screwball’ comedy in the manner of 1940s Hollywood movies (Kathryn Cramer); romances are typically not my forte. So despite the lack of fun I had with Crosstalk (and, I admit, my allergy for romance in general), I want to check out some of her older work to give her stuff a fair shake.

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Bloganuary Prompt: In what ways do you communicate online?

Largely text-based, with the occasional voice memo if I’m not streaming.

I assume people are only interested in the big guys, the Web 3.0 jockeys. And the only one I reliably use is Discord. The mention of Facebook Messenger is strictly obligatory: I’ve family that can’t (or wont?) use anything else.

I’ll also say, sporadically. I’ve slowed down, considerably, since I reevaluated my social media consumption last year.

The platforms and protocols I do use seem slower in comparison to, say, Twitter– especially if they’re reminiscent (or artifacts) of the algorithm-free Old Internet, like Mastodon or XMPP. Forums are just snail mail compared to anything else… and that’s exactly why I prefer them these days.

I do still use email, just not nearly as much as I did a decade ago. It’s still good for long-form conversations and to talk shop (when it’s not a receptacle for coupons and news).

And I blog. Of course.

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NICE TRY, WORDPRESS

You are totally not swiping my brilliant, one-of-a-kind, quirky, innovative, awesome, stupendous, and did-I-say-awesome-already? business idea! Get your own!

I just wanted to be silly. I actually have no ideas that are crazy businesses, feasible or otherwise.

Unless…

You count the [REDACTED] with the [REDACTED], complete with [TECHNICALLY LEGAL BUT STILL IN BAD FORM]. Even with [NOUN] you can [VERB] for cheap, there are the setbacks including [LIST THREE-TO-FIVE THINGS YOU HATE, AND IT CAN’T INCLUDE BEN STILLER].

Maybe I can have [FAMOUS PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON] endorse it. Or if I just had more [???????] on a [RANDOM TECHNICALITY]. And I’d call it [HIGH-SCORING SCRABBLE WORD THAT ALSO DOUBLES AS AN ACRONYM].

…Of course they’ll be some [TECHNOLOGY CATEGORY]. But with [BEVERAGE]! And no, it’s not a [WEIRD SEX THING]! You perverts!

Anyway. It’s just fun to think about.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

I want to note that I’m on two meds for depression, which could account for my more-than-rosy tone here (and on my worst days, it’s still meh, but at least I’m around to complain about it). Not everyone has that privilege, and I acknowledge that. I love y’all and I’m pulling for y’all. There’s no wrong answer to this question.

But what is my answer?

“Sweet.”

Edward from Twilight.
“Hey Dracula, meet me in my sunroom at high noon to say that shit to my face. Oh wait, you can’t? SUCKS TO SUCK, LOSER!”

But I’ll want to know the caveats up front, because what’s a long life (or immortality) if you can’t do anything with it? And, you know, what’s the catch?

  • Will you be taken care of?
  • Is it one of those science fiction things where you’re a brain in a jar?
  • Or a fantasy thing where you’re actually a vampire (and unless your story is set in Washington, can never set foot in the sun again)?
  • Or the most likely scenario of strutting around a nursing home with your best friend?
  • Will you still be of sound mind, if not body?
  • Can you even afford to?
  • Where is the fine print, Beelzebub!?

Despite the potential for Dubious Deals with Devils, Transhuman Technicalities, Monkey Paw Jackassery, Pitfalls of Capitalism, and whatever else you may think of… From where I’m sitting at this point of time, it sounds pretty dope.

You’ve done so much, and you can reflect and witness more history. You’ve more to experience and hell, even if it’s just existing and vibing, that’s still an experience. And the stories you can tell! To compare and contrast the then and here and now. To be a representation of an obtainable future for younger generations– I know, as a queer Black person, it is comforting to see an elder that has survived and continues to survive.

I wish to be that for someone else, too. The world may be against me, but I’m still here. Oh, and modems were real. Real slow.

I want to see the science fiction I grew up on finally become plain ol’ science. We’ll get those flying cars any day now. Just not anytime soon. And I’ll sign up for the cyborg program to extend my life another 100 years or something (provided that Elon Musk stays far, far away from the technology behind it; I’ll literally rather die than let him put chips in my brain).

I want to stick around to see if things get better. And if not? Well. You’re going to be hearing about it!

Anyway.

You know that bit where Sarah Lynn is on a talk show, spinning in a chair and declaring that she’s gonna live forever? That’s my answer, in a nutshell. Sign me the fuck up!

Sarah Lynn spinning in a chair, declaring that she is going to live forever.

Oh.

I’m utterly terrified of death with a tendency to procrastinate. If I had it my way, I will be late to my own funeral (which, for the record, will be a party). So that’s probably a factor.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: What is your favorite animal?

I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count. (Cats are a close second.)

Sonic popping out of a manhole, saying Hedgehog. Noun. A burrowing animal.
This panel gets a lot of mileage.

Let’s get the obvious reason out of the way: nostalgia! Not only is Sonic the Hedgehog my favorite color, but I grew up in the 90s as the Cooler Mario hit our TV screens. I loved the games, enjoyed both cartoons, and I read just about every damn issue of the Archie Comics series (and I am subscribed to IDW’s current run). Oh, and Sonic was totally my boyfriend as I pretended to be Princess Sally, crawling and climbing on the wooden playgrounds to thwart Dr. Robotnik’s plans.

…

…Anyway.

I relate to the hedgie. I relate to hedgehogs so much, my ALBI FACTS are cribbed from actual hedgehog trivia. I have terrible eyesight, solitary (introverted), and I seem most active at night. Being in the hedges is also a great time. Oh, and I make weird noises. And I bite. And, depending on who you ask, my Black queer ass could be illegal in 7 states if things keep going the way they are.

For fun, I like thinking about astrology things. Virgos are Earth signs, right? So it stands to reason that we can associate symbols or animals that are related to the earth, to Virgo. And if burrowing in gardens isn’t earthy, I don’t know what is.

I deal (as most of us do) with what the science types call The Hedgehog Dilemma. In my own words: It’s when you want to get close to another hedgehog, but if you do, you’ll very likely poke and be poked by quills. And if you have any empathy, you’ll think twice before snuggling up to a quill-less critter because you might end up hurting them, since they don’t have the same defenses. But to be human, sometimes you just gotta risk it.

…But I am willing to risk getting hurt sometimes. Perhaps it’s inevitable.

Sometimes, it’s worth it.

Amazing Facts About [Me]

And that, ultimately, is why I can relate to the spiny creature so much– because it embodies the struggle of a one-bitten-twice-shy-and-guarded-introvert, but also looks really cute while doing so. And while hogging the hedges.

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You know what they say, “New Year, New Me!” I’ve stopped knocking people that say that, but I feel like that doesn’t fit me, personally. I like declaring “New Year, Same Me– with Improvements!” Or something equally corny.


And I figure it’s a good time as any to update my blog, yeah?


Queer Qwanzaa Reflection


I did not do a big ol’ post like I did last year– it’s very turned inward, in contrast, but it does incorporate into my New Year goals quite a bit.


I strive to improve on most common goals people set for this year: I really do need to work out more, and eat more vegetables; in general, improve my health especially in light of new chronic illnesses. And I’d like to cook more, especially! I have a few cookbooks with my name on them. And most of them are plant-based or vegetarian.


As for educational and career aspiration, I keep my skills sharp by practicing and keeping abreast on the new hot things like 11ty. For fun, I’m still on Glitch, and I’ve set up an obligatory Github account (but since design is my strength, I should look into something else?). Lately I’ve had the nostalgic urge to really kick it old school, so I finally dusted off my NeoCities account. One of the many personal projects I’m considering would definitely be a redesign of my current Link-in-Bio.


And oh, boy: this is also an election year. I’m prepared to call out misinformation and fascism. And I must be visible so people know that not only do I exist, but that it is possible to exist like this.


Social House


A friend of mine made a very poignant statement last month:


My resolution is to not be waiting at the door for people that’ll never arrive.

“J.J.”


I do need to start showing up for the people that value me as a person and worthy of their time, not ruminating over those that haven’t otherwise expressed interest in my life. I’ve talked about this before, and I’ve made note of the exceptions, but that is my biggest goal for this year.


That can get lonely. And, well, it is. But that is what community is for. I need to be more active in the safer spaces I am a member of. If I have the bandwidth, maybe find others to partake in.


The Fun Stuff


Meme Template from The Good Place. First Panel: a shaken Chidi saying, "I... I just saw... a trillion... different realities folding... onto each other like thin sheets of metal forming... a single blade..." Next panel is Michael dismissively stating "Yeah, yeah, the WIP FOLDER, we've all seen it."
I got my work cut out for me.


I’m done a pretty good job journaling, but I can work on blog posts and telling y’all a little more about my life. I plan to utilize prompts a lot more! I am not terribly exciting most days (and, honestly, something I am grateful for) so I’ll need to be pointed in the write (ha ha ha ha) direction.


I’d like to improve my habit of doing writing things. I’ve signed up to Get Your Words Out this year, and I plan on participating in National Poetry Writing Month in April. 750 Words also has monthly challenges that I can consider.


But it’s not just outward voice bloggy posts. I’d like to work on more fiction. To get myself primed I’ve been dragging fanfiction out of the WIP folders and working on them. I’ve even cleaned up and ported some ancient stuff! Additionally additionally, maybe even put together a poetry book (Can you believe the thing I’m stuck on the most is having a freaking title!?).


Wanna write good? Read a lot.

A lot of writers, famous and otherwise


I want to be a better writer. So I’m making more time to read. I rediscovered my joy of just getting lost in books, and want to keep that feeling. With 200 books and stories between my eReader and To-Read pile on The Storygraph, I won’t have a shortage of material. It’s only a matter of what to read next.


And oh, to return to streaming and vtubing. I fell off near the end of last year, and I was just shy of the coveted 100 Followers on Twitch. I’ve received some additional stressors to my life, to put it simply, and had to take an unofficial hiatus. I am fine, and I will be fine, I just needed time to regroup. I’m trying not to beat myself up over it.


The Short of It


My goals aren’t the most lofty, but they mean a lot to me. While I’m doubling down on the Stuff I Need To Do, the mindfulness to not neglect hobbys and career advancement will keep me sane. Well, so I hope.


And, you know, be gay, throw bricks. Always. <3