Month: January 2025

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On the last day of Bloganuary, I can’t say I did terrible about it.

Great, even.

Not gonna lie, I did falter around the last two days and I felt like I had to scramble a bit for a prompt, or something to write. But it was successful scrambling. And today I’ll reflect.

  • There were some that made me think.
  • Others were unexpectedly raw.
  • There was even a little poem or two.
  • I allowed myself to be more silly.
  • I did some… not ruminating, reminiscing. But that’s nothing new.
  • some drafts finally were finished!
  • I could probably an editor (this one was intentional)
  • how do i not have a search feature…?
  • I inspired someone to write every day, too!

Oh, yeah.

And I actually… …doubleposted again, on the 22nd. I’m so great at at scheduling things! I’ll take that L too, I guess.

"Meals with Loved Ones" explains itself.

"Lighthouse" deals with having to be Black in predominately white spaces, and the frustration (and advice) that comes with that.

In contrast, we’ll talk about the coffee social I just hosted. I met new people– one, I went on a quick greenway walk with as we introduced ourselves. I felt seen, a part of something, included– even though everyone else talked over and around me about anime I was unfamiliar with, even though I was shy and couldn’t get the words in that I wanted to. I still smiled; I still basked.

I didn’t want it to end; I wasn’t pacing and staring at the clock on my phone counting down to when I can be the first to leave the building after a quick blanket goodbye to not be too rude and going straight home because I didn’t want to feel lonely over dinner, too. That night… was just okay.

Last night? It was everything I wanted, and what I needed.

And I also… talked about the same topic twice. I couldn’t find the draft for Design Your Ideal Reading/Writing Space, so I wrote that from scratch. I couldn’t find said draft because it was already posted on the 2nd. Whoops! I should compare and contrast those two, for funsies, but they are basically the same at first glance.

Next month, they’ll be significantly less entries– but only because my default schedule is much more relaxed. I still have prompts at my disposal, and I am unfortunately cursed to be living within Interesting Times. There should be no shortage of what to write about. Energy level is another matter.

But I will keep on keeping on.

Let’s lace that bitch up and wear it.

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“In what ways, large or small, did you armor yourself (i.e., set important boundaries) this month?”

It’s a silly thing, but significant to me.

Hanging out with friends at the coffee shop last night, we talked about cartoons (as nerds wont to do). I managed to find a really good essay about some aspects of this cartoon that we feverishly discussed. Problem was, it was the first half of an article series. I could not find "Part 2," anywhere, much as I tried. So, as if a white woman came into my sushi restaurant demanding a sword to Kill Bill, I broke my blood oath.

I dove back into tumblr.

To be fair, this was entirely my fault. I went looking to the place where I thought I’d find the missing piece I remembered reading, and it was… to be nice about it, a hive of a Star Wars Reference. So I wasn’t surprised that I ran into the messy stuff: drama, tea spilled, receipts, shots fired, strays caught, the whole shebang. What did (and it shouldn’t have, really) was all the stuff I was not familiar with– new to me. I lived through that clusterfuck, and only the start of it; clearly it carried on long after I bounced.

"Not today, Satan," I whispered as I closed all ten tabs of futile searching, "We’ll need to reschedule."

So, you can say that’s a boundary I set. I can do without drudging up old hurts and retraumatizing myself.

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Having a kiki with a friend while complaining about online dating, I decided to reactivate my OKCupid account.

Since we’re on a "what changed?" type of groove, let’s continue that trend. …Well, not much since I was last there. I didn’t take a terribly long time looking at my answers because of that. Same goes for my profile.

P-P-P-Profile?

Alright, copy-pasting paragraphs wholesale would be cheating on the Bloganuary. Besides, that stuff on my site anyway. Here’s some notable stuff:

  • Worst Quality: Organizing Things I Probably Shouldn’t
  • I have and I’ve really been leaning into it, to the point of startling people
  • I have no idea what to do on Friday nights; so it depends
  • The Good Place is my cheer-me-up show
  • Spyro the Dragon is the retro game that defines me
  • ROBOTECH defines my childhood. And on further reflection, Studio Ghibli perhaps.
  • Teebs is still the soundtrack of my life
  • Best part of cooking? The presentation. (and eating it)
  • Scrabble
  • also, much nostalgia
  • also also, I love seafood and my steak medium-rare
  • Hej, I have tattoos now.

And I’m reminded of my dream job, aww

… I’m always interested in how information is displayed and how it can reach more people.

And fun fact: The highest match possible with me is 100%, and I have answered 220 questions publicly. I think that’s because a lot of my answers were "meh, whatever actually," and I just filled them in for fillin’ in’s sake.

What about the dating stuff?

I love a good coffee date. Or, as it’s been lately, a tea date. Boba tea date. It’s chill, a bit fun– but it’s still a date.

I want the comfy seats, giant menu, and acoustics that doesn’t make me feel like I need to run away screaming (unfortunately, a lot of coffee places have terrible acoustics). While I have some favorites I keep in the backpocket, if I’m feeling spicy I’ll flip a coin to take my date somewhere unfamiliar. If it’s great? GREAT! If it’s a bad miss, maybe we can bond over how much it sucked.

Give me the damn tea. What were the matches like?

Well… at least I can tweak things so only queer non-monogamous people show up in my stack. And most of them are also trans/non-binary!

First person in my stack was still a friggin’ white guy, tho.

Next was someone I already knew.

Next was a current partner. I sent them a super-like, because I’m supportive like that.

Everyone else? I didn’t feel confident in the OLD thing enough to do more than send two likes.

Well, that was fun. Deactivate, whatever.

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i made the mistake of paying close attention to the news
and feeling sad

so finding a link to schadenfreude
made me feel better

and i felt my empathy leaving

those people are going to suffer too
while they sing praises

and i feel like i’m going to laugh

they are our undoing, but theirs too
and they’re pathetic
loving the enabler killing them

i am angry that things have come this far
but i will still laugh

as everything is destroyed

for spite is truly all that sustains me now

i would say i’m sorry
for being this horrible
but they don’t deserve the high road
and i’ve stopped apologizing years ago

now i am to type to say who deserves what

who am i without that caring

what

do

they

think

i

am

it’s all they see anyway
so i will be it
lacing that bitch up and stomping

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What am I looking forward to? What can I give myself to look forward to?

  • Janelle Monae in concert! And this time, connect with other FAMdroids.
  • Coheed and Cambria in September!
  • Slumber parties!
  • seeing a goofy-looking Valentine’s day-themed slasher fic with a friend
  • obtaining some sort of movie gimmicky popcorn thing. or not. either way, (Salt free) popcorn
  • starting new classes at the gym
  • my massages
  • Black in a Flash
  • future dates <3
  • my 40th birthday (!!!)
  • those cookies I got at the house

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For Mastodon to not only supersede Twitter but to thrive in its own merit, it needs to not only listen to the vulnerable among us, but implement changes for a better Internet culture. The tools have been there, and so have been their highlighted shortcomings.

Now what will they make of it?Background Radiation

I wrote that about two years ago. And how are things now? Well…

The racism still persists.

Suggested features to further community have been ignored.

Concerns are met with a "just fork it yourself if you don’t like it."

Member safety is still an afterthought.

Onboarding isn’t intuitive, explained, or convenient enough.

So when Twitter finally pissed off enough people for a more permanent mass exodus, they all flocked to BlueSky– which is just Twitter with the future promise of ActivityPub integration. And has the same pitfalls, too, if the Singal situation is any indication. Some people (read: techbros) were flabbergasted at this development. I may have been angry at people for staying on BlueSky (and I still think I brought up a good point), but I still wasn’t surprised, really.

Mastodon, frankly, has done Jack and Shit to earn new user trust since 2022. It is an elitist project so narrow in scope that it doesn’t have room for improvements or user-friendly anything. It’s a reputation justly earned, in my opinion.

I remembered why I left Mastodon for the first time (around 2016? 2017?): it was not welcoming. It was gross. It was so Overwhelmingly White, the biggest Black-owned instance received so much vitriol for just existing. I went back to Twitter because it was, at least, the poison my body grew used to. And all my peers were there, anyway. But it was still toxic to me. When Muskadoo bought and reshaped that platform in his own image, only then I considered giving the fediverse another go.

You can say I’ve been advocating for the IndieWeb every since. Or at least diversifying your platforms. But for the people I was nigh insufferable about, pestering to get on Mastodon, because we need off those fucking platforms[1], because we need better for ourselves, damn it…

sorry.

But I’ve since outgrown that because… it’s hard to convince people when the new option is basically the Same Ol’ Shit– if not worse. The few that looked into Mastodon did not like what they saw, or shortly abandoned their accounts. It was true in 2017 and it is true now. I haven’t stopped recommending it as an option, but with a lot of caveats, guidelines, and invites to Actually Decent Servers due to my experience on the platform. And I am a lot quieter about it. Because it still sucks.

But why am I still there?

Because I curated my Mastodon space. I made it mine. With work, I found an instance I was happy with (and seemed stable enough to not shut down to the whims of a tantrum-ing admin)– their values and moderation concerns aligned with my own. This particular instance is also a fork of the official project, so we circumvent more of the troubling aspects. With this culture of stability ("echo chamber," ROFL) I was able to better connect with strangers on a genuine level, no matter how casual, and I’ve found myself among people determined to make online spaces accessible and safer for everyone.

I also block. A lot. The Block Game is strong.

And I remember more vividly when I came back. I logged into my .xyz account, and two familiar faces were still fighting the good fight. It showed me at at least somebody was giving a fuck, and I could learn how to be better.

So I stayed.

It took me years to get this content (enough).

Ideally, it shouldn’t have to take that long.

they obviously care if they are even bringing it up. be more concerned when people are silent!something I’ve said, about something else

[1] I still stand by this, but it’s not going to be easy. We may have to go as far as build what we want. Let’s take it one step at a time.

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Speaking of Decluttering, I need to sort through my bookmarks and see which ones are still active.

/gamegame/gamegamebegin.html

This was a Flash game, very artsy and scribbly, and while I was in college I’d play through it when I was feeling down. It kept me inspired and reminded me to stay weird.

This wasn’t the only entry in my Self-Care folder, residing on the bookmarks toolbar. It has been neglected, but only because I carry the self-care around in my phone these days.

Looking at Something

Neon Flames

You Feel Like Shit: An Interactive Self-Care Guide

Orisinal Games

25 Cheat Sheets For Taking Care Of Yourself Like A Damn Adult

Player 2

Therapist Aid (Account Required)

Weave Silk

Skeletor is Love

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Remember a time when: you were ready for a change. How did you know? What did you do first?

As usual, it varies on how I get started. But my biggest changes had one thing in common:

I got fed up.

It was too exhausting, or repetitive, or I was confronted with the fact that something wasn’t good for me anymore and it was pissing me off.

I didn’t like it.

I had an itch to do better.

An opportunity presented itself and I took it.

With stackable shelving, I finally have my books presentable and clutter contained!

A woman surrounded by various stackable organizational containers.

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You know those things that pop up when you visit a site, pestering you to sign up for their newsletter, or enable ads, or allow cookies, or create an account, or sign in, or just be a really big annoying ad?

They’re not technically pop-ups (they open within/on the page instead of a different window) so that makes it harder to circumvent. Fortunately there are extensions for that (if you’re not on Chrome, anyway) but some still require tweaking. Still a hassle.

It’s not off to the side where you can opt in to interacting with it– it’s gotta be front and center, taking up your attention and obscuring what you’re trying to do.

And if you’re really unlucky, you’re unable to dismiss it until you comply.

They’re aggravating and intrusive– unfortunately, perfect for marketing campaigns.

I would love to delete those off the face of the Internet landscape.

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First: Donate

I should go through said books and donate ones that I never got around to reading, outgrew, or just plain don’t want anymore. Or, it’s time I pass a book on for someone else to carry for awhile. I’ve done that before.

Same for my office and bath/beauty supplies. I tend to double up; I need to take better stock of what I have and use that up first. If I have anything unopened, I’ll donate those too.

Then: Trash

But… My biggest weakness? Paper and Trinkets and Free Stuff from Events. I have a whole self dedicated to business cards, mail, posters, news papers, random literature, magazines, and comics I haven’t sorted to their boxes yet. I collect things to read later. I grab stickers, bookmarks, cool napkins.

Occasionally I sort through my stack of papers to see what I need, and what I can convert digitally. Cool things go in the scrapbook. Everything else is recycled.

My closet is… a mess. I need to dedicate a weekend just going through everything.

Also: Upkeep

We use the Tody app to keep track of chores. On Sundays (the start of the week!) I set aside time for that task and do it, even if it’s for a few minutes. And when I Spring Clean about once-a-year, I do some serious decluttering.

Magpie-like, I have an acrylic shelf dedicated to rocks, more stickers, curios, meaningful whatevers, and what have you. I like having containers for everything, and everything has a place.

And: For Fun?

If I’m feeling really ambitious, I go through my Downloads folder on my computer. Clean out and backup Documents and Projects. Take a peek in the cloud storage, and the backup, and the backup’s backup. I’ve been particularly bad at this; I’ve had downloads hanging around from 5 years ago. On top of that, pruning your online accounts is a good idea. And your blog drafts…