So, after a hiatus, I went back to streaming this year! I’m having fun, as per usual, and I even modified my model a little more. But uh, I’m avoiding closeups because I need to tighten and smooth out edges; you can see seams and it’s pretty rough. Not to mention finalizing my outfit: I want to keep it simple, but I’d like to nail down a shirt design.
Scheduling and Playing
My biggest hurdle is still, scheduling. Not only do I need to account for plans I have in meatspace, but I have to consider my energy level. I’ve canceled or postponed streams because I needed to rest, and that’s either because I don’t get enough sleep (insomniac life!) or worn down from the rest of my schedule.
I’ve been playing a LOT of ValiDATE, and while I enjoy it it is a lot of reading! After a while I just get tongue tied. Last week or so I played APICO for a change of pace, with Twitch approved lofi in the background. That is an amazingly chill combo that I should do more.
OBS is Intimidating
I have it downloaded… but not installed. HOWEVER, I’ve finally began using VTopia as backup storage for my streams– Twitch only keeps them for a week, and sometimes I either forget to download them or I have trouble doing so. Because I have a potty mouth and talk about ADULT STUFF, I flagged most of my vlogs as Mature Content– that’d explain the sparse page. There is another channel, for some reason. There’s where OBS will come in.
Also, cap my damn FPS at 60. Anything more and my poor hardware freaks out.
The Lore, you Say?
I’ve also been muddling about with the lore. With the rise of AI tools taking people’s jobs and committing plagiarism, I’ve half a mind to move away from the self-aware AI bit. But… it’s so cool– I mean "real" artificial intelligence, of the science fiction actually-self-aware sort. While I’ve been dipping my toe in the water of vt.social, I’ve come across other AIs, programs or computers personified, and even a rad calculator! Concepts are awesome, and I suppose I need to solidify my own spin on the AI thing. Being around other VTubers is inspiring, as usual!
So, yes, the sentient AI thing is still going to be a thing, but now I know how I want to get weird with it. I’d like to do longform entries on another platform instead of just infodumping here, but in summary:
Like a lot of people, I’ve been in what’s been called “Survivor Mode.” You do enough to get through the day, most times by any means available to you.
I feel like I have been doing that since I graduated college.
Now, this happened over a decade and change ago. I graduated at the tail end of a nasty recession and the job market was hit hard. Furthermore, I had a ton of student loan debt– and due to predatory practices of this particular degree mill and student loan company collaboration, it was a lot. This combination forced me to still live at home a little longer and grab any job I could (and being a mailroom clerk, conveniently, did count toward the school’s lofty “over 90% employment rate” upon graduation). There was freelancing done here and there, and sometimes I managed to land the fabled Job in my Field, and I even started a media company with some college friends.
To put it gently, I have been burnt out from “the industry” and have PTSD symptoms when I think about going back. But my college degree, while not worth the paper it was printed on, is proverbially collecting dust. But in being able to survive business implosions, “relieved of my duties,” cheapskate clients, scams, and eviction, I had to settle for the classic 9-to-5.
I think about the “How I Got Here”s quite a lot: like a lot of folks, we were instilled with the “earning a college degree will get you employment” thing– and disappointed when it wasn’t that simple, or even possible. The aforementioned for-profit school and predatory loan distributors. My weaknesses in interviewing in an over-saturated market. My portfolio, which won awards but not jobs. I dwell on the negatives and the “What If”s along with the steps I have taken.
It’s a little harder to remember why I wanted to go into Web Design in the first place– but not as hard as I always think it will be.
Way (way) back in high school, I took all the computer courses available to me. I enjoyed them all, but the ones I liked the most were when we dealt with… Frontpage. Further back– in middle school– I was enamored with all the information other people put on the World Wide Web… how each individual put together images and text to convey what they wanted to. And I thought, “I can do that. I can build sites for people who are unable to. I can put information out there that is more accessible.” And the more I learned, the more I saw how I can create something like that.
With the advent of Content Management Systems, Web designers feel obsolete. But it still takes a person with the know-how and a good eye for color and execution– or at least, someone willing to get their hands dirty being elbow-deep in tweaking code. Accessibility is more important than ever, and I’m not just talking about readability. We have to make sure images are described accurately and accessibility tools are accounted for.
I am content, even happy, with where I am now. I’m still here, after all. There is a roof over my head, gas in the tank, and food in the fridge, despite my cravings for Taco Bell. I’m even blessed to have a job I actually like and enjoy! I am indeed surviving.
I may need to balance an old passion with the… practicality of keeping myself clothed and fed.
It was, one of many, a Friday night in the 1990s. And because it was in Florida, it was hot, humid, and maybe even rainy– that was perfect weather to stay inside somewhere with a good book, comfort food, and pattering ambiance. We’re not thinking of the classic "novel, cup of tea, chair-next-to-window combo," though. We’re talking about a 90s kid that loved reading, pizza, and long car rides.
It’s one of my favorite memories. There was nothing like walking into a Pizza Hut after a long week of School to receive your reward for reading books: a personal pan pizza. Typically I chose Just Cheese, but would change it up with pepperoni once in a while. But what I loved even better was the hour-long ride home: not only was I privileged enough to have the option of eating in the car, but I was able to munch on my pizza and read some more! And while the weather certainly differed it was the rainy evenings that stand out the most in my memory. What else stood out were the books I read during these drives.
They were comics.
Do you, though?
That’s right. This is my coming out post[1] on how I not only read Garfield for fun, as a child, but to this day I find most of the strips pretty funny… I daresay to the point where they were the building blocks for my sense of humor (or lack of, depending on who you ask), not to mention his various quips earning permanent residence in my Clapback Directory. Garfield also emulated a confidence and sassiness I sorely lacked in my life– reveling in being fat, lazy, and damn fucking proud of it. So, as I installed an app to help me count calories, this particular exclamation popped into my head and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
While his wiseassery wore off on me– and probably his love for tasty food, If I’m honest– his utter hatred for diets did not. The anti-diet tirade of "Fat, Lazy, and Proud Of It" was taken at face value when I was 10 years old, chalking it up to A Thing Adults Bitch About and I Won’t Understand Until I’m Older, like coffee adoration and hating on Mondays[2]. But the older I grew the more I’ve added my own notes and disclaimers, on top of finding him more relatable beyond a silly punchline. I mean, I have this tendency to put my spin on things, which is both a blessing and a curse.
I’m sure Jim Davis didn’t think too deep into the whole bit beyond "something a gluttonous asshole– you know, a cat– would say," but I now see it as:
Fat: refusing to participate in destructive Diet Culture, which necessitates the need to be “Thin Enough” and/or “Fat (in only the good places)” and the mental and physical harm subscribing to it may cause.
Lazy: refusing to be productive when capitalism demands it for every moment of your waking life.
Proud: no-selling the inevitable guilt-trips and eradicating any shame that may pop up.
In Garfield’s defense and my admittedly shoddy recollection of events: no matter how much he complained, snuck a donut, threatened the scale, or thanked God when Jon read from a newspaper that dieting doesn’t work[3ab]… he still did it. He sucked it up, in his own grumpy way, and celebrated his little victories. I know the struggle of dieting and the joy of getting little cheats in (garnishing a salad with a whole ham? Can’t say I haven’t done similar), so this is a time where I find him Pretty Relatable.
And I’ll do the same. Well, I’ll certainly cheat a lot less. But I’ll make progress, and not beat myself hard when I mess up.
I’m aware of nostalgia and the absurdity of relying on memories from when I was 10, let alone glossing over the overreaching impact of the dieting running gag.[4] Deep critiques will very likely not be kind to Garfield. But hey, when you see me at the gym and I’m giggling through my reps, I’m not giddy from lack of calories– I just have Garfield strips playing in my head.
Which reminds me… I need to log this cinnamon roll.
[1] I can make that joke because I’m queer. 😉
[2] Boy, do I get it now. So do a lot of people. And I got a caffeine addiction for my hatred for Mondays.
[3a] Like a lot of Garfield panels, I can see this clearly in my mind’s eye: a Sunday strip starter panel. They’re at the table and Jon is reading from the newspaper; Garfield had fallen to his knees repeatedly saying "thank you." And, like a lot of Garfield panels, are damn hard to find. RIP "garfield.bounceme.net" with their text-searchable database that filled the gaps in my memory for years. You were a real one.
[3b] I also agree with that take. Dieting may not work, but lifestyle changes do. That should be the goal!
[4] According to that wiki, the few times Garfield did diet of his own volition was because he was shamed or humiliated. So, uh, not a great motivator there, actually. The cracks begin to form.
