You look so familiar but I can’t figure out

Why I think that I recognize ya, don’t know what it’s about

It’s like a parallel existence, but I know that’s fiction

Or is it? Or is it?

Altern8 Endings by Mega Ran

Two scenarios are illustrated, two separate paths taken.

Mega Ran, initially, wanted to be a dentist! So the track takes us to his office with the Wu-Tang albums and degrees on the wall, and he comments how he grew into the profession: it just came so easily to him; it was obvious. After the chorus, he’s then a principal of a high school (and in fact, IRL, he was a teacher before he was unceremoniously shitcanned). He cared about his kids enough to give them pep talks and wake-up calls. In both paths rapping was still a passion, be it a humble a rap listener or someone who freestyles with the students as a reward for not neglecting their studies.

My frequent trips to Rumination Station usually concern the choices I’ve (not) made. My thoughts aren’t as talented as a nerdcore rapper, but you get the gist.

I wonder if I took my Most Likely to… award I got in 8th grade seriously (instead of the bullying) and hadn’t given up on art?

Or I followed of the footsteps of my oldest friend and into journalism?

Or I heeded my dad’s advice and got into the medical field?

Or I took my love for cartoons a step further, and vowed to create my own?

Or if my affinity for wind instruments and singing didn’t atrophy?

What if I understood object-oriented programming and moved away from designing?

Or, what if I loved magazines more than web pages?

What if I kept that spark from my science-fiction short story in English class, of the teacher reading it out loud and the rest of my peers leaning forward, enraptured?

If I remembered when a friend said that he really loved my poems and I should be published?

What if I settled for an administrative job from the get-go? Or, like my mom, I worked my way up from production floor to cubicle?

I wonder what options I would have had if I’ve graduated at a better time, from a different school. If I wasn’t forced to pivot into unrelated fields to keep the bills paid.

If I had picked up a trade.

If circumstances were different.

If. If. If.

What would I be like? Would I still be blogging, and writing for fun? Would I still love tinkering with computers? Would I be in any position to ease children’s fears and give teenagers guidance? Would I be playing video games a lot more, or would barely have time for them?

Would I love it? Would I hate it?

What even was my calling? Did I have one?

Would I be more content?

Honestly, I don’t know. That’s always a possibility, isn’t it?