Month: March 2024

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Bloganuary Prompt: What do you complain about the most?

The one thing I bitch about the most? Heteronormality.

Nah, scratch that; it’s how binary everything freakin’ is.

No, wait! How I’m expected to be androgynous because I’m non-binary.

No, wait, it’s how the [insert community here] has a racism problem it refuses to acknowledge.

Okay, let’s go with that one. It hurts my heart when I’m hit with racist microaggressions when I exist in queer-forward spaces, on top of the general history of Whiteness marginalizing anyone that isn’t white.

Wait, no, let’s take it a step further with [community] has a [bigot] problem it refuses to acknowledge, if not actively encourage. And it really hurts when it feels like these peers should get it, you know?

Because why the fuck is biphobia still a fucking problem in the overall queer community? I’ve friends who are currently shouted down and erased because they’re never seen as queer enough.

And all of my Black peers stay away from the Hoteps of the diaspora because they insist on hetero normativity, and toxic masculinity.

You know what? It’s bigoty. That’s what I complain about the most.

That’s it, that’s the post, because I’m tired of repeating myself ad nauseum. We’ll be here all day with the long list of examples I can illustrate.

A bitch is tired. I’ll probably expand on this at a later date, complete with personal anecdotes. But for now, just allow me to get to the point:

Solidarity ain’t shit when you’re still a fucking bigot.

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You look so familiar but I can’t figure out

Why I think that I recognize ya, don’t know what it’s about

It’s like a parallel existence, but I know that’s fiction

Or is it? Or is it?

Altern8 Endings by Mega Ran

Two scenarios are illustrated, two separate paths taken.

Mega Ran, initially, wanted to be a dentist! So the track takes us to his office with the Wu-Tang albums and degrees on the wall, and he comments how he grew into the profession: it just came so easily to him; it was obvious. After the chorus, he’s then a principal of a high school (and in fact, IRL, he was a teacher before he was unceremoniously shitcanned). He cared about his kids enough to give them pep talks and wake-up calls. In both paths rapping was still a passion, be it a humble a rap listener or someone who freestyles with the students as a reward for not neglecting their studies.

My frequent trips to Rumination Station usually concern the choices I’ve (not) made. My thoughts aren’t as talented as a nerdcore rapper, but you get the gist.

I wonder if I took my Most Likely to… award I got in 8th grade seriously (instead of the bullying) and hadn’t given up on art?

Or I followed of the footsteps of my oldest friend and into journalism?

Or I heeded my dad’s advice and got into the medical field?

Or I took my love for cartoons a step further, and vowed to create my own?

Or if my affinity for wind instruments and singing didn’t atrophy?

What if I understood object-oriented programming and moved away from designing?

Or, what if I loved magazines more than web pages?

What if I kept that spark from my science-fiction short story in English class, of the teacher reading it out loud and the rest of my peers leaning forward, enraptured?

If I remembered when a friend said that he really loved my poems and I should be published?

What if I settled for an administrative job from the get-go? Or, like my mom, I worked my way up from production floor to cubicle?

I wonder what options I would have had if I’ve graduated at a better time, from a different school. If I wasn’t forced to pivot into unrelated fields to keep the bills paid.

If I had picked up a trade.

If circumstances were different.

If. If. If.

What would I be like? Would I still be blogging, and writing for fun? Would I still love tinkering with computers? Would I be in any position to ease children’s fears and give teenagers guidance? Would I be playing video games a lot more, or would barely have time for them?

Would I love it? Would I hate it?

What even was my calling? Did I have one?

Would I be more content?

Honestly, I don’t know. That’s always a possibility, isn’t it?

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So.

I moved my blog.

While the timeline I had in mind would be over the span of two months, tops, I managed to do this in two days. It helped that I’ve had ClassicPress in a pinned tab for quite some time now, and buying the domain name was the easy part. Hosting was where I dragged my feet, but it was quickly resolved by how easy it was for me to fall back into the server maintenence groove. But still, at first I was nervous. I don’t have the budget to have a professional on retainer, so it would have to be a DIY operation– and while I’ve managed Linux servers in the past, it was quite some time ago and I felt quite rusty. And in addition to the rust, I am also occasionally lazy. And impatient. I wanted my site moved now!

I settled on DigitalOcean. It came highly recommended when I first asked around for hosting solutions, with the caveat that it wasn’t exactly casual-friendly. "I’m just going to try it out, poke around it, shake the cobwebs off my knowledge" I thought to myself. I was also prepared to get my hands a little dirty if it came to that. Besides, there was this handy tool that set up the headache-inducing environment for me, brought to my attention from browsing ClassicPress Forums. So that certainly helped!

Like many things, it was like riding a bike. Once the wheels started turning, I remembered a lot more than I thought I would. I had to do some updates, set up ClassicPress, and I was done! Before I knew it, I was settling right in nicely as I customized, secured, and broke things (the deleted DNS records got better– yay for restore buttons!).

This feels like… wearing a beloved blanket. I didn’t want to move to a whole different blogging platform, after all. I’m a creature that enjoys the familiar and the nostalgic, and right now as I type this I’m transported back to 2005. During Web Developing class everyone was setting up their WordPress accounts for the first time, and I thought it pretty magical. Frankly, it still is. And now, I can develop my own theme. Since I don’t have to pay extra to do so, I don’t really have an excuse now. Besides time, anyway.

So, hello again! We’re back on schedule.

I can only wish my IRL move in the upcoming months will be as smooth as this was.