Or, "What Do You Mean, It’s Not Spelled ‘Formulative’?!" (But seriously, thanks for over-the-shoulder proofreading, Nesting Partner! Maybe I should have an editor on retainer…)

Or, movies I played repeatedly to the point where the VHS tape player started making funny noises. These are movies that I still quote, reference, or just refer to/think about quite often. While some remained on their original tapes, most of the ones I saw were copies. There were also some interesting snippets like

That Scene from Robocop 2 set to a Prince song

We’ll set down some foundation.

Back then, we didn’t have torrents and seeders and CD/DVD burners. We had family-owned rental stores and the setup at home: VHS machines, a stereo, two televisions, and a lot of cables. I apparently have miss-remembered how the copy protection was thwarted– I thought it was something physical that could be covered up with tape, but that’s for blocking recording— but it may have been a matter of using certain formats and cords. Or it could’ve been just that easy.

Regardless, he figured it out. Magic, I tell you!

And in addition to recording the movies and shows we really enjoyed, his hobby was creating quick-and-dirty music videos: a snippet from a cool scene (if not entire cartoon episodes) with its original audio replaced by songs. It’s why I still associate "Benny and the Jets" with Gumbi, and I didn’t know the dialogue for Cain’s warehouse raid in Robocop 2 until I was an adult. I’ll need to hum that particular song to mom so she could place it for me, but I remember this mashup most fondly, because it kinda worked.

But, onto the actual movies.

Unico and the Island of Magic (English Dub, 1983)

It hit all the spots: compelling story, engaging characters, competent animation, and cute critter having to deal with terrible, terrible people wanting to harm the little guy. I recommend the English dub (like here!) to get the Full Baby Albi Experience– not only was it excellent, but it adds a terrifying depth to Lord Kuruku. He had no business being that scary, and I may have to mute his scenes if I get around to re-watching it in English. Yes, I am a weenie.

Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent my Summer Vacation (1992)

This movie. Was. My shit. Every start and end of summer, without fail, I’d rent it. I couldn’t go on any grand adventures, so I imagined I was along for the ride.

I’d bounce on the waterbed as Buster and Babs went down the river, empathized with Plucky’s lust for roller coasters, wanted to punch that skunk dude (which turned out to be a pattern as I also wanted to punch the one from Archie!Sonic), cringed at the safari schenanigans, and related to Shirley more than I thought I would.

(Video summary: A parody of the very loud THX logo that is played in theatres: THUD. Audience in shambles if not blown away as the trademark is declared: "The audience is now deaf.")

Rock-a-Doodle! (1991)

Apparently I enjoy movies with water themes.

So, this is the Don Bluth film everyone trashes (when they get tired of trashing A Troll in Central Park). And I’m right along with them, seeing it as one of his weaker installments (behind A Troll in Central Park). But, when I was a kid? Loved it, silly singing owls and all. The play that it’s based on is pretty interesting, as well.

And I wished that evil owl turned me into a cat.

Watership Down (1978)

The bright cover art tricked many a parent who just wanted a movie with idyllic bunny time. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with that, but we received so much more. It clued me into the fact that animation could be for anyone, and come in many forms, and can be taken just as seriously as ""real"" film.

This is also the poster child for the "damn, stuff for kids went hard in the 70s/80s" conversation. Not only did we have bunnies bleeding out, but Dumbo got drunk, parents were tortured or dying on screen, monsters were gross, and rest in peace Artax i am not sobbing right now! It does show how things have changed.

And I’m really trying hard not to get into the rant about Netflix’s bastardization of that beautiful novel. John Boyega as Bigwig couldn’t save it. And anyone that isn’t upset about how Netflix-y it is hasn’t either read the book, seen the animation, or absorbed and acknowledged the themes in the work. This adaptation lost its vibrancy and depth by looking as realistic as possible and dumbing itself down to be streaming-service consum

But seriously. Read the book, as well. As for the movie? A beautiful adaptation; watch that too.

Robocop (1987)

Where I got my distrust of corporations… and sense of humor. It’s kinda sardonic and mean. Anything to cope in the current capitalistic hellscape, I guess.

(Video Summary: A nuclear (lol) family playing a board game around nuclear mutual assured destruction: NUKEM! Get them before they get you!)

By the way. Idiocracy is not the documentary of our world. It’s fucking Robocop, because that’s where we’re fuckin’ headed.

What? There was a remake or something? Nah, never happened.

Honorable Mentions

These tells don’t crop up as obviously. Or do they?

101 Dalmations (1961)

In my opinion, the best example of music perfectly timed with the animation, which is something you don’t see a lot of these days. Also obligatory crush on Roger.

Various animated compilations

Like the Hungarian Folk Tales or the stories based on Janosch’s German books. It really made me appreciate fables from other parts of the world.

Rude Dog and the Dweebs (1989)

As a self-proclaimed capital-D Dweeb, obviously. I should buy a shirt.

Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid (1975)

Added to my mermaid obsession (along with Saban’s TV series and Disney, natch). And the first clue of my penchant for the bittersweet/sad stuff like the emo goth I am.

But I saved the best for last, because it’s got a funny story.

The Hobbit (1977)

What funny little birds
They had no wings
Oh what shall we do
With the funny little things? Funny Little Things

It was the earlyish 90s, and we’d always get a stack of tapes for the weekend. I’d pick out my own, usually only one or three, while my parents chose theirs. Whether family affair or Parental Supervision Required, we’d all partake together in at least one movie before watching the others on our separate televisions (schedules). And one afternoon, I had a choice: an old favorite to distract me while they did taxes or something, or… something new?

I was, and still am, a creature of habit. While the other title was alluring– being animated and eye-catching, and what kid didn’t love cartoons?– I wanted something beautiful and comforting and familiar and epic. So I stuck with my first choice, The Hobbit.

The other choice available was Heavy Traffic.

Fortunately, I twice dodged that Bakshi-shaped bullet by sneaking a peak, and quickly losing interest due to the lack of dragons. I ended up not viewing it until my almost-20s, when doing research for a college paper. I think about that sometimes, if my parents pulled a Ratings-Panel-Underestimating-Watership-Down. I’d probably be weirder than I already am. And probably more vulgar.

…or so I remember. It’s likely that the question never happened. Then again, I swear up and down that I got my oatmeal-and-egg habit from my parents, and that was denied vehemently, so who knows? I’m okay with being an unreliable narrator on this one.

Don’t talk to me about the remake. I’m still livid about it, and not just because Bluerberry Dinnersnatch is in it (but it certainly doesn’t help, but he did make a good Smaug, fine, I’ll admit that). First of all

That’s going to be a different post, isn’t it?

We’ll put a pin on that, then.

So, that is that, for now. As I finish unpacking, I have to find a new spot for these ancient VHS tapes. It’s one of the few things I have left of my dad– our likes and memories smashed together on flimsy tape.