Another Thing I've Given Up On: Dating/Community Apps
No, really, this time I mean it! I know I've said it before! But this time I really, really, really reallyreally mean it! I won't even install one for review! I mean... okay. Probably. Like Garfield (and the Jedi), I loathe dealing in absolutes. But it's damn close enough to round up, you know? Maybe if someone paid me.
Anyway.
For a Black person (just me, with my own experience), these apps are just a vicious cycle:
- I get on,
- see there's a majority white user base
- become discouraged and rarely interact/post
- eventually abandon, if not delete, my profile
- the lack of BIPOC folx gets worse over there
- repeat that, Pete Repeet
My current woe was Lex. I've messaged so many BIPOC (mostly Black) people and I can only assume that their profiles are just abandoned. And I can't really blame them, can I? It's any dating app, not just the queer ones.
And the ones that claim to be BIPOC-centered? Yeah, I wouldn't count on that, because at the end of the day the Black userbase is expendable.
I was really hoping Freddie would be different. It was the other app, along Lex, that I actually kindasorta recommended if only to pass the time.
Freddie didn't break my heart, but deeply disappointed me
I was going to do a whole five to six paragraphs detailing just how things went down, but when I sat down to do it when it was a lot fresher in my mind... I just... lost steam. Because... Oh wow, another app I that'd rather cater to white feelings and guilt. Throw that onto the pile and move the fuck on.
While I can't say I'm surprised, I am in shock that it was over something as crucial as mutual aid!
Can't screenshot, but here is an actual exchange with anything identifiable removed.
"Anon": ...so for example, when someone [on their mutual aid post] says, "white people with resources should step up and support" –is this considered "manipulation, coercion, and guilt-based language?"
Freddie (someone speaking on behalf of): This is covered in the new policy. There's a section in the new policy where we say you can't target specific groups in mutual aid calls.
"Anon": So just to confirm, that yes, the example I provided violates these new guidelines? I still feel confused because you haven't directly said yes?
Freddie: It violates the previous and existing policy. We didn't properly enforce this before.
(At this time of posting, you can still come across it on the app itself when you search posts for "mutual aid.")
Add the the fact that the majority of those posting for help are brown and Black people... yeah. That's not a good look and sets a dangerous precedent– and as someone pointed out, plain irresponsible.
But Freddie had to do it, because Google and Apple said so. Let's pray they don't alter the deal further. OH, WAIT. (Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked.)
"QTBIPOC-founded, self-funded, and BIPOC-centered" used to be a sort of tagline as they state they're a community for "sapphic, trans, and gender-diverse people." When you visit the site now, that has been changed. Which, you know what? GOOD. If you are not going to stand ten toes for the demographic you supposedly care so much about, I'd rather you keep that acronym out of your fucking mouth.
Marketing is real, and it can hurt you.
Now What?
In retrospect, this situation did get the ball rolling (anxiety) on what "Community" even is; I ramble on about it earlier this month in "I've Given Up on Community (the buzzword)." So that's more to think about.
The majority of Freddie's BIPOC users are now gone– if they weren't banned. Users deleted their accounts in disgust, or pulled back heavily from using the app. After reviewing and rewriting this shitshow, I'll deactivate.
Lex has been deactivated for a couple of months now.
I just straight up deleted my OKC account.
At this time, I have no desire to even play around with other apps like these. And I'll be sure to talk myself out of some other ones, because it's all more of the same and it's not fun anymore to even dunk on 'em.
...
Wow.
I think I'm really done this time.
