Hey: Connecting is Hard

The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead.

--Mr. Peanutbutter

I love my solitude. Being an introvert, I need it to recharge. But I recognize when it no longer that does that. When it's not restful, then it's loneliness.

Everyone gets lonely. Everyone.

Two years ago it was as easy as following me on Facebook. Now, it takes a little more effort because I want the effort. I am inconvenient, and that's by design. I wrote a whole spiel about it on my one and only Instagram post (and don't bother asking for it; it's for lurking, last resorts, and club hookups). I got tired of talking about it, so I decided to be about it– show, not tell.

Unfortunately... for a lot of folx that bit of friction isn't worth it. That's something I've made peace with (lies), and I get the occasional Sad Feel when I feel like I'm not good enough to be inconvenienced for. Oh well.

(But then you have the classic and general "it's hard to make new connections" lament.)

The reality is: I just have to be okay with not being a priority for others. Or, more often than not, I think a lot more about most people than most people think about me.

I tell myself the same shit every time. One of these days it will stick!

so, what now?

How does anybody do it?

--Baths, "Chaos"
...and everyone else, frankly

Posting this weirdo of a post because it's a Relatable Thing. That's what we do: there's been songs, stories, art, and anecdotes of this eternal dilemma. It does help to know that it's not just you (when is it ever?), and even add some additional thoughts/advice/musings:

If someone gives a shit about you, they'll make time for you. Or be honest about where they're at and try to meet you halfway. The point is... something. Even if they're "that friend who's notoriously hard to get ahold of," because sometimes friends are Pains in the Ass. <3

Don't give up. You can shift your priority (for example I'm a smallweb hermit type), or take (looong) breaks. Or just take the moment to hang out with yourself for a bit. Or re-evaluate and see where you can improve.

Put in the effort where you can and others will do the same. The ones that don't? Pay them no mind. If it's meant to be, you'll keep bumping into them. Quality over Quantity, and so on.

Also, compassion. Other people do got other shit going on. And sometimes, that shit can be something as serious as depression (ask me about that sometime). Nuance and all that.

And probably the hardest thing... let that sitch fade if that's what it needs to do. I personally go as far as giving my contact list the Marie Kondō treatment. (That also gives me a chance to reach out and try to reconnect, myself.)

still sucks tho

Let's be so for real, as they say: this shit hurts. Sometimes it has you just stay in bed, your phone thrown under or around somewhere, and you just isolate because fuck it, cue those lines from the Linkin Park song! Wallow, feel it, and if you need to, use a creative outlet (like what I'm doing right here!).

But try again later. Keep doin' your thing, and keep trying. Because that's really all you can do beyond reading advice articles and commiserating with others about it.

Don't try to be perfect; we're all stumbling through with our imperfect/incomplete ways. Anyone that tells you differently is trying to sell you something, get into your pants, or both at the same time. Sheesh.

alright.

Back to the void, in my hermit house, with my cheerful nihilism– yeah, we just throw things into the void, but it does collide with other things sometimes and that makes the meaning we apply to things all the more special.

Cue quotable resolve.

See ya around, and the next time I bitch about this. I will probably repeat myself.

also

I had been waffling on whether to post this or not:

• i do kinda hate repeating myself
• it feels a bit raw, even for me (and this is the super polished draft)
• i've no good way to try to get ahead of the splashback guilt people may get reading this. but if you are reading this, this post is not about you. it's about how hard it is to form new connections.
• feels advice-y, but i am just jotting my jottable thoughts down

I was rubber ducking it to my rubber duck, and they said "but it's what you're feeling. Why not post it?" And I thought, yeah... that's right. That's the whole point of this journal-blog. And then I wondered when the rubber duck was equipped with a microphone and speaker.

So, let me repeat:

Stop chasing. Stand still. The people meant for you will know where to find the goose.

--BradAndTheGoat

BTW, the goose is you.