You ever wonder what wandering Albis think about when they have nothing better to do and actually don’t feel like reminiscing or fretting over things they can’t change? Ever wonder about my Roman Empires? If it isn’t silly fanfic ideas, what occupies my mind?

Mean Catty Bitches on the Internet

Like most cynical people with an Internet connection, I enjoy reading stories you can file under "Rich People Getting Their Comeuppance," "That Thing You Were Suspicious About Was Actually A Scam," "The Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of This Bitch," "Here’s How Something Went Terribly Wrong," general FAFO, or just schadenfreude.

Fyre Festival was nuts to witness in real time, and I find myself rewatching both documentaries on occasion. I am still flabbergasted at how terrifying it was, despite giggling at these dorks that can afford thousand-dollar tickets. Its impact on the local economy was devastating, too. In short, the fucking audacity.

Sigh, yes, I was obsessed with OceanGate. There was a curiosity as to how and why things failed so spectacularly. With a passing interest in anything aquatic, learning the different types of alloys and other technical details that (didn’t) go into the submersible was interesting, too. I’m just pissed that a rich man had to take extra lives with his stupidity, especially the kid that didn’t even want to go on that deathtrap in the first place.

But Theranos is, like, the Pax Romana in my brain. It has it all: an optimistic dream and spin, humble Rich Kid beginnings (rofl), lots of lying and covering up, could have been a cult, and Steve Jobs jokes. And it all came crashing down when she had the nerve to steal from her investors, forget those schmucks who just wanted to make a difference or take care of themselves. It didn’t even need to go as far as it did! I’m sure it would’ve been an interesting theory to pursue without all that mess!

Did I Mention That I Liked Science Fiction Today?

If something has robots in it, I’m down for it. It was no surprise I was Princess Sally during recess, carrying an invisible Nicole. Computers are utterly fascinating, and computers made in our image even more so. How would they act? What would they look like? Can sentience be so electronic, or is it just programming? How would we build the Artificial Intelligence lauded in the media?

Transhumanism and cyborgs didn’t catch my full attention until recently. What will it mean to be human? Can I live forever by sticking my brain on a motherboard? Will this Me win "The Coin Toss," as SOMA puts it? Is the Internet cozy? What will remain? If I could enhance my body, how would I do it?

What if a cyber brain could possibly generate its own ghost, and create a soul all by itself? And if it did, just what would be the importance of being human then? Motoko Kusanagi

New Old Habit

Now, what about those fears you had when you were a kid? Which one was your favorite? (Personally, our galaxy colliding with Andromeda kept me up at night.)

Get lost, ball lightning.

Beat it, quicksand.

Move over, Bermuda Triangle.

Go home, Andromeda-Milky Way Collision.

Kudzu is even taking a back seat with its liminal-space-creating superpowers.

There’s a new "I’m reflexively concerned about this" fear in town: The Strangling Fig Vine! Strangler Fig. Ficus something-or-other. If I knew about these vines as a child, I’d be tormenting myself with worry over them. And better late than never because I’m doing that right now!

So here’s the deal with these things. The vine grows over the tree trunk, right? And then it keeps growing and growing until it suffocates and kills the tree. And all that’d be left is the vine itself, a latticework ghost of what used to be there. Perfect for tourists to climb up into for bragging rights. Which was fun… once I ignored the horror of the thing. That’s some fucking Alien shit right there. Damn, nature, you scary.

So, uh. Tell some kids about that thing. Or don’t. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on that damn triangle.