So I’ve been so stressed and focused on the negative (read: recent clusterfuck and such), that for a moment I forgot to have fun. You may have noticed that the silly, lighter posts have stopped. I also haven’t done fanfic in awhile. And some feelings I felt over the weekend got me really feeling– something. And they threaten to put me right back in that spiral. Fortunately, it’s a spiral I know pretty well.

It’s about being invisible.

1. Reasons Albi is Rendered Such
   • shy
   • quiet (in voice)
   • doesn’t know how conversations work if it’s not “taking stack” (no, seriously; the autistic diagnosis writes itself at this point)
     • also damn y’all let me get a word in edgewise once in a while, fucking extroverts
   • literal wallflower
   • laconic (to a fault) and taciturn
   • intimidating Resting Bitch Face
   • a side effect when in predominately white spaces
2. The Reasons It Happens
   1. Logical/Kind
      • they’re busy
      • I am unrecognizable (ex. when wearing a mask)
      • they simply don’t remember me
      • they were in a hurry
      • face-blindness
      • assumed and/or misunderstood a social expectation
   2. Mean/Bad Brain Thoughts
      • I’m not worth remembering
      • they don’t like me or want nothing to do with me
      • assumed and/or misunderstood a social expectation
3. Where to Go From Here?
   1. Improvements
      • don’t take it personally!
      • raise your voice
      • take initiative
      • remember to smile
      • eh, i dunno, probably retake a Toastmasters class or something
   2. Mischief (lean into it)
      • Stealth Hi/Byes and scare people (read: Batman)
      • shake down a neurotypical person and demand how the fuck this shit works

Bonus

Characters That Make Me Go “That’s Me For Real!”

• Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy 8)
• Dina Saruyama (Dumbing of Age)
• Auron (Final Fantasy 10)
• Fluttershy (My Little Pony: FiM)
• Fujin (Final Fantasy 8)
• Mordin Solus (Mass Effect)
• Whisper (Sonic the Hedgehog IDW)

Tropes I Tend to Inhabit

• The Quiet One
• The Silent Bob (the “only when I have something pithy to say” variant)
• Beware the Quite Ones
• Terse Talker / Beige Prose
• Hates Small Talk

Yeah, I responding with humor now. But I have had time to feel hurt, confused, deflated, disappointed. I also had time to put some logic and understanding on it.

…Whatever.