How It Started
How It’s Going
Well, I wrote the damn thing. Because people going #NoHomo and #NoCuteAllowed in fandom and dunking on fanfic writers compels me to be As Homo and Obnoxious As Possible. Besides, this was an excuse to write some cozy cutefic– Coffeeshop AUs is a not-guilty-at-all pleasure of mine. First installment is below, because you know there’s gonna be more of this silly shit.
Joker’s Matcha
Rated PG
605 Words
The door chime tinkled as a customer walked in. From somewhere behind the counter there was a greeting way too cheery for 8 in the morning:
"Good morning! What’ll it be? For starters, we have lattes, cappuccinos, expressos, macchiatos, even Irish! The last one isn’t for kids, though."
"I’m not a kid." The customer gruffed out. And he certainly was not, being The Dark Knight and all. His ward, Robin, was also not there (and he preferred to make his own, anyway). He hulked through the doorway not because of his bulk, but because he was lugging around a pretty impressive laptop bag. "I’ll have the usual."
The Joker popped up from wherever he was restocking and grinned at his favorite customer. "You don’t want to try anything neeeeeeeeew?" And he grinned even wider.
The Bat sighed, because he wasn’t the type to grin back. But he took the hint. "What do you have?"
"I am almost finished. I’m getting the last of my ingredients together, and cleaning the foam thing–"
"Foam thing?" Batman walked to his table and clunked down his laptop. The Joker continued to ramble on about his latest concoction– the good matcha he found, and the new machine that foamed up things nicely, and the latte art classes he’d been taking. And while he talked, Batman listened as he assembled his setup, piece by piece: wireless mouse, mousepad, noise-cancelling headset, power brick, and finally, the WayneTech branded gaming laptop complete with RGB Bat Lights. A poke at the power button and it all came to life.
When Batman noticed Joker was putting the finishing touches on his green he glided back to the counter.
"That is… very green, Joker."
"Like my hair! That’s how you know it’s the good stuff." With a flourish, The Joker topped off his latte art. "Tada!"
It was a matcha latte. Pretty basic (despite the red flakes of… is that pepper?), but baby steps. Joker was especially proud of the doodle he made: It was a gun, but one of the prank ones with the "BANG!" flag instead of a bullet. The mug was also a gun.
Batman’s gloved hand grasped it carefully and brought it to his cowl. He sniffed, eyes narrowed. "This is different."
"Still has caffeine! Probably more. Perfect for gamers."
"Why the gun?"
"Games have guns."
"Minecraft does not have guns." Batman cautiously took a sip. "That’s why I like it." He took another sip. "And… I like this." It was something new, and not at all the disaster of The Joker’s last drink adventure. But that’s what kept it interesting.
With that, he also ordered a panini and a scone and made a note to order that drink again. His usual can wait a little longer, along with the headphones. The Joker followed him, going into detail just how he made this thing and what he planned to do to improve it until more people wandered in. And to give out the new Wifi password.
"Finally upgraded to 5G?"
"Like you suggested, Bats. Even got that new WayneRouter with the antlers!"
"Antennas."
"Same difference. And oddly shaped like a bat. With antlers. Looks cool. How is it?"
A few clicks, then: "Perfect, Joker. Fastest its ever been."
The headphones stayed off as the Joker went over the new menu items, with the occasional input from Batman, until the door chimed again. And then, it was time to build his serious base on his serious server.
And despite their good quality, he still picked up a crazed cackle through his curated playlist of lofi beats. Catwoman must have ordered something preposterous again.