On the shores of roped-off swimming spots I remember you from all the pens I never collected the contrast from the blue houses Complimenting the white trim I write in red tint Now more honorable, more informed
I could have been On those still nights Beautiful with you
I never healed from that October Always cold, not quite frozen Melting from your pink hair
I ran ahead Into the shadow unknowing Loneliness becoming Written sensual unseen by you
I found out who I was But you’ll never know you left the lost roads Stapling images to trees From backpacks full Addresses broken Someone else has your name I left mine alone She kept driving We left our bathing suits at home
Morning still, this Filling in blanks No closure, unresolved, this.
I was not prepared for the consequences of my poll. But hey, I did ask. I will try to make this interesting.
Before Twitch, and before Youtube branched out, there was streaming service called Mogulus (what happened to them, anyway?). To describe it would be redundant. Some politicians and other important people used it, but in my former neck of the woods it became very popular among those who played video games. While Mogulus eventually left us non-paying customers behind, I always loved the streaming-with-a-live-audience concept.
I’ve subscribed to many streams since then, a variety of those with webcams and voice only. Then… 2D/3D custom characters-as-hosts began growing in popularity. At first, I was content with being an audience member. But with this new creative angle, I actually became interested in streaming myself! I was also seeking a new twist on a hobby I loved (gaming), and to reclaim my creativity and free time from the growing dreariness of my life-draining job. And vent, of course.
I grew caught up with setting up: the branding, scheduling, format, icons– then, one evening, I grew fed up with my self-imposed procrastination. Perfect, after all, is the enemy of good, and Virgos gotta have everything perfect before they start anything… so I brute-forced my way through the insecurity, installed the software, queued up a visual novel I’ve been itching to play, and DID IT LIVE.
My last braincell had ENOUGH.
…And it was Fucking Terrible from a didn’t-even-optimize standpoint, so I didn’t feel bad for the 0 viewers on my first run. (Well, one viewer, but they had to catch a DnD game after giving me audio advice.) But with experimenting and practice, things began coming together. Sometimes I still goof, though.
Some World Building
I was determined to create my own model, but I lacked the technical know-how and did not have the money to commission a model or rigging– but I was up for the challenge. I play around with VROID Studio, following tutorials and learning how to modify the defaults. I knew that I wanted my character to look like… well, like me. But cooler.
Seeing other Black VTubers has simply been inspiring.
I have a whole section in my bullet journal dedicated to design ideas, and I’ve been taking notes of techniques and tools other VTubers found useful. But I’ve also have paragraphs and doodles of the character’s backstory. Inspirations include Ghost in the Shell, SOMA, Macross Plus, Digital: A Love Story, Janelle Monae’s Metropolis, and… Chrono Cross? And if I was any good at games I’d throw in TASbot for good measure, but it’s fun to think about. [Note- a surprising lack of Asimov; make a Three Laws joke later to make up for it.] If you haven’t guessed by now, I enjoy the ethical, technical, and whateverelse-cal ramifications of artificial intelligences, cyberpunky transhumanism, and what it means to be “self-aware.”
I also hold a similar view as Monae’s Mayweather’s when it comes to androids in fiction:
I speak about androids because I think the android represents the new ‘Other’ …You can compare it to being a lesbian or being a gay man or being a black woman… What I want is for people who feel oppressed or feel like the ‘Other’ to connect with the music and to feel like, ‘She represents who I am.’
Artificial intelligences can take years to fully build upon themselves, so in some cases a brainprint of a living person is superimposed onto AI code to “jump start” the self-awareness process. The provider of said brainprint would be the designated Arbiter of the resulting AI; they have a lowercase-a as their designation (ex. “a.Issac”). You can think of Arbiters are caregivers or tie-breakers to logical conundrums. AIs created with the jump-start method tend to be eerily similar to their Arbiter, but may eventually branch off into their own quirks and identity.
There are the “functional” AIs that can write or fix the stock market for you. But, the fun thing self-aware AIs have in common with humans is to find a purpose in life, a niche to fill… or a hobby. Conveniently, Avi’s hobbies line up with mine, and even more conveniently, are easily accessible from px’s origin server with an Internet connection. That’s how “Avi” decided on a name for pxself- it’s a type of video format, px found samples of. For the time being px does not wish to inhabit an android body, but that can change in the future. Avi’s content with communicating with the outside world via px own compilation of the Self-Aware Visual-Variable Protocol, or SAV2P. Lastly, Avi is 3 Laws Compliant on a technicality.
…Or you can just say that Avi is digital!me, but scifi afrofuturistic lore is more fun.
Current Things
Like most folx, my backlog is Large. I’ve been using streaming as an excuse to go through it! I have quite a bit of science fiction and cyberpunk titles to play, and I love to gas up any LGBTQ+ creators. I also like puzzlers and whatever weird thing I come across. I’m currently enjoying ValiDATE, Get in the Car, Loser! (currently grinding; I’m getting my ass kicked), and APICO or Vilmonic for the comfy streams.
I’m naturally taciturn, so I tend to rely on chat prompts and backseating– but I love interacting with the chat! And I am susceptible to ranting if you give me a juicy enough topic. I do have a tendency to get wrapped up in a game and forget about it for a minute or two. There may also be a lot of vocal stimming: the doots, the beeps, the sweeps, and the Spaceballs reference. Tiny improv songs and more songs as well! And I take jokes and run with them.
My stream is rated for MATURE AUDIENCES, to be on the safe side. I talk about all sorts of shit, and cuss a lot, and I’m filtered only a little. I talked about weed that one time and my regulars may know a little too much about the freaky dinks I’m into.
Don’t let the more recent video fool you; I’m still on the quest for bone mischief.
…I just scheduled a cuddle date on a streaming night; it’s little wonder why my schedule is in shambles.
Future Stuff
I am undergoing a cosmetic upgrade as I consider how robotic-looking I'd like to be, as well as contemplating neo-pronouns to refer to pxself. So far, "px" is appealing to me. (Maybe I should do that in-character thing more often. I’m also considering a distinction between AIs and “self-aware” ones. SAAIs?)
Someday I dream of nailing down my schedule. I’m more concerned about consistency.
I could work on my hardware. I need to upgrade my mic; you can hear our cats brawlin’ in the background. The computer can be upgraded later; it currently gets the job done (it can barely handle Stray, VSeeFace, and Twitch Studio running at the same time).
Still no plans to monetize. And considering how Twitch likes to act (badly, to clarify), I’m really not keen on monetizing through them anyway. Maybe I’ll do a tip jar thing in the future, for beer money or emergency funding (I do have Ko-Fi).
With Twitter worming its way out of my social media diet, I’ve mainly been in Discord servers. I need to lurk less, however. I’ve also been following some related hastags on Mastodon. Oh yeah, and what’s this thing?
I hope y’all enjoyed this post, and if you have any cheers and advice I’m all ears!
I’d apologize to Willis, but I’m not particularly sorry about this. Amber’s line is just too relatable. SRC: Shortpacked by David Willis.
While Twitter is having its meltdown (due to sabotage or genuine ineptitude, or both), Mastodon is another microblogging service receiving a massive influx of new users. Some are just trying it out; others plan to migrate permanently, and you’ve probably heard about it by now.
It had certainly been a learning curve away from Twitter’s centralized style, for Mastodon is made of individual instances (think: different servers) that can “talk” to each other. And the Mastodon instances can also “talk” to other decentralized services within the Fediverse! Check out Fedi.Tips, by the way; that site can explain things better than I could.
There’s been some… issues. Some users have been calling it “growing pains” or (cue eyerolling) “Eternal September: Mastodon Version.” The problem with these red herrings is the implication that the current problems are just the effects from the deluge of new users. And that said problems are a recent phenomenon.
It really isn’t, and I’m not talking about the technical stuff.
A marginalized person enters a space and realizes it is intolerant of their lived experiences and right to exist. This isn’t just limited to blatant declarations– microaggressions, the papercuts of experience, can add up over time. The prevalence of the overculture allows the same harmful attitudes to carry over because someone refuses to see beyond the tip of their nose (and, you know, unpack their privilege).
And it has become apparent that Mastodon (among other things) has a racist problem. Here are some recent examples, and certainly not limited to…
the Content Warning debacle: requests to put politics behind a content warning, ignoring the fact that sometimes, entire lives are politicalized (another version of “censor your life for my comfort!”),
the history of PoC-led instances being harassed and even shut down (Look up what happened to PlayVicious; I’ll wait.),
Black people being told to “just move instances/block” instead of admins/moderators doing the necessary work to ensure spaces are safe from the get-go (it’s giving strong “segregate yourself” vibes, for starters, and the onus on the marginalized to change their behavior),
not to mention how one instance’s “I’ll allow it” is another person’s “WTF?!” Unfortunately, sometimes that “wtf” has been trolling, hate speech, and other unsavory topics that’ll get them defederated from more decent instances.
Marginalized identities, in general, don’t have the luxury of “just picking” one or “starting fresh” in a new place. It has to have policies that align with their comfort and safety, and hopefully the moderation to reinforce it. And it sucks if we pick the wrong one: shitty mods, toxic culture, or just a petri dish of grossness.
This wasn’t “just a migration” for a lot of people, self included. I lucked out on discovering an instance that was explicitly queer-friendly, anti-fascist, and so far has been a safe(r) space for people of color– but this would be my third time moving in my 6 years of using the Fediverse, and I may move again. So it goes.
Background radiation, indeed.
So, as always, Black people are having to carve their existence into a space. Like what we’ve done on Twitter and the many platforms before it. We’ve been finding each other and talking. We’ve been remembering servers come and gone and still holding on despite the insidious grip of casual racism. We’ve drawn boundaries. We’re comparing notes. We’ve been having dialogue. We are claiming space.
For Mastodon to not only supersede Twitter but to thrive in its own merit, it needs to not only listen to the vulnerable among us, but implement changes for a better Internet culture. The tools have been there, and so have been their highlighted shortcomings.
