NOTE: I’ll just go ahead and schedule this one for tomorrow. This is the stuff y’all really care about, right?! 😉 Happy New Year.

Yep. Make that dating apps. But over this weekend by the time entry is posted, I’ll be reducing said apps to two.

I realize that I am trying too hard.

I also realize that dating apps probably just aren’t for me. The few connections I made were with people I already knew (or, in a few cases, I met a good few years ago). Perhaps I have astronomically bad luck at meeting new people online, but I’ve the conclusion that I should just stick to the circles I’m already in. And if I do branch out, put a lot more emphasis on doing that in meatspace.

But here’s the part y’all really care about: what apps did I actually use?

OKCupid is the classic, the oldest, and my most verbose. I put a lot of work into my essays and 200 questions answered. And there’s so many memories associated with it. Few of them good… I’ve received some weird messages back in ’09.

The second most popular app is Tinder, which I got banned from before I got a really good feel for it. But from what I hear (and by that I mean look over a partner’s shoulder and offer peanut-gallery-style snark), I’m actually not missing much other than FOMO. The Swipe High is real, y’all. So let’s go to the alternatives I was mostly on instead:

The first kinder, gentler Tinder everyone thinks of is Bumble. There’s different modes between dating, friendship, and business; women can "make the first move" by sending the initial message. And there’s bee themes. Cute! And then there’s Hinge: An even kinder, gentler Tinder with a relaxing font and rounded corners where you directly comment on a photo or writing prompt to start a conversation. That’s a good gimmick if you’re like me and always struggling with an opener. HER, however, will still have to be my favorite of these swipe-y apps. Yes, it’s that Lesbian Dating App you may have heard about. My second-oldest account is on HER when I wasn’t content with just hiding straight people (ok, straight men mostly) from my OKC profile. I’ve found it welcoming to transgender and gender-nonconforming folx.

While we’re on the topic of queer-focused apps, I’m thinking of Qutie: I suddenly remembered this existed. Think OKCupid, but for LGBTQ cuties. It’s a weird cross between OKC and Tinder-Swipeness. It couldn’t hold my attention long enough to really use it, though. I’ll try it again if I’m super bored.

 

While OKC has come a long way to supporting non-monogamous relationships, but I’m always keeping an eye out for other ones that cater specifically to non-mono people, for that’ll be one less hurdle to deal with. #Open ("hashtag-Open") is one of the few dating apps specifically geared to non-monogamous people; there’s even a "pair" profile option for couples looking for a third. And I am so proud of them for doing this one little thing: THE GENDER OPTIONS ARE NOT BINARIST. I believe it defeats the purpose of having an extensive list of gender identities to choose from, but in the end it’s still funneled between only two binary choices: man or woman. So, kudos to #Open for not doing that!

But, it’s a ghost town. I guess we’re out here being polysaturated or putting our phones down in order to be present in the moment. 😉

And meanwhile, I wish Feeld had more traction; it’s geared for the more casual sex/swinger/hookup crowd and sometimes you’re just in the mood for that sorta thing. (Also potential kinky playdate shenanigans within the "Interests" and "Looking For" fields.) I didn’t have to be coy or polite and beat around the bush– "you know why we’re here"– but… I don’t think I have the gumption to pull off the whole hookup/swinger thing. On top of clashing with most swing culture (note to self, that’s a whole other post?), I find myself having conversations about tea and chiptunes instead of angling to get in someone’s pants. (But that still doesn’t stop me from browsing in the middle of the night…)

I’m weirdly loathe to actually delete my accounts, since I put so much work in them! But I uninstalled. All that remains is OKC, HER, and… Feeld. I was holding out for Hinge, but I believe the other party I was talking scifi with has figuratively left the building. Shit happens.

But it still feels pretty good, to not be weighted down by so many apps.

…

…Is there a dating app geared specifically for weird awkward nerds such as myself?