By Albi in vtubing — 23 Oct 2025

State of the 'Tubing (VTubing Hiatus)

I haven't streamed in months. Here's why and what I hope to do about it.

How would px even run on this AST computer from the 90s? Don't think about it.

I am real fucking unhappy with Twitch. I am tired of the scummy shit, the TOS shit, the fact that they're owned by Amazon and the way TwitchCon just isn't recommended to attend because Missing Stair reasons. Look up all that shit; it's out there and I am tired.

(But for the latest thing just click here and get enraged: content warning for a female cosplayer discussing her assault at a meet and greet... and how TwitchCon security utterly failed her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_USuIpVAqAw )

It's not the main reason I haven't been streaming, but it still plays a part as to why I'm in no particular hurry to resettle on a new schedule.

I've been plotting (and going thru it).

It's the Twitter problem all over again– it's the platform everyone goes to because that's where you make your money and become popular enough to earn it. I guess.

I haven't kicked it to the curb. Yet. Why? Because, like most folx that need to do the numbers, I'm thinking about money and networking.

I got things coming up that I need to fundraise for... like saving up to move away from a living situation because of That. My priorities have shifted, as well... like taking time to try and heal and prepare my next steps from That. Yes, I keep laboring the point (or however the fuck that saying goes). But this shit causes a cascade that effects every damn thing. If you had no idea, well, now you know. Now you know why survivors and people that have experienced sexual assault be movin' the way they do. I'm just one example/version now, and I'm not one of those people that can "bounce back" on a good day.

It's like grief. You'll be alright for a bit, but then your mental health takes a sudden dive as new PTSD kicks in and I can't fucking deal with anything how did that happen why did I let it happen what could i have done I am going to eat my weight in sushi--

Doctor Starline, an antagonist platypus from the Sonic comic series, clutching his face as he's in the grips of a mental breakdown. — Don't worry, it only happens when I'm alone.

But Let's Talk About How Much I Fucking Can't Stand Twitch

Even if I was so close to getting into their Affiliate program, I'd refuse on principle. It'd be awesome to hit the metrics to qualify, but I wouldn't go through with it.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been on quite a tear at how corpo bullshit is ruining (not running) the Internet. Along with Meta and Google, Amazon is one of the big Corpo Bullshitters.

They've shafted their marginalized users– repeatedly.

The platform is undergoing the process of enshittification– those fucking ads.

And it's motherfucking Amazon. If you still have no idea you either never had to think about it or you just don't give a shit. (For those that genuinely don't know– sorry [not really] if this is how you had to find out. I'm being real mean about it.)

The Spongebob meme of the titular character smiling and forming a rainbow with his hands. Above the rainbow there reads CAPITALISM. — AND I'LL KEEP SAYING IT

And you know what else I'll keep saying?

We Got To Start Somewhere

The Attempt to Decentralize First Starts with a Post renewed my desire to not be mainly on Twitch. And, frankly, it was nice to see. As I said in a comment I left:

I've been an advocate for smallweb/other solutions, and nostalgic to the point where I even made my own webring.

It's been good to see I'm not the only one reckoning with this, because I feel like no one beyond the nerdiest even care anymore.

(I may be a little bit bitter over how very few people followed up on my offer to keep in touch when I left Facebook.)

But people have been talking about this sort of thing. And more people are talking and doing the thing. And the more people do it, hopefully, the more widespread and common it'll become.

For my next platform, I want to be content (as in, satisfied). I don't want to be on it just because everyone else is.

OK. Now what?

The happy-medium of the thing would be to remain on Twitch, but really plug my other spots. Even better, if I bump Twitch down to a secondary channel and make other places a priority.

I'm still enjoying PeerTube and I'm hyped for StreamPlace; like, stay tuned I guess. What I wish I can do is spin up an OwnCast server. But I don't have the budget, whether I'm managing the server myself or not.

So. Hiatus? Yeah. It started, it's been started. But I'm not coming back... for now.

But If Not Now, When?

Fuck, I don't know. Give me another six months if I'm not goofin' around in the background or something.

I redebuted pretty quietly all the way back in February and I haven't been streaming since. Scheduling conflicts– especially when I've been getting more involved locally. Then, low energy/spoons. And then, the SA happened. On top of that, the growing discontentment with Twitch.

I'm dreading this may be the time to throw in the towel and graduate.

The fun me that wants to do fun Internet things: "How do I start streaming again?" The me that is really struggling and is just Tired: "That's the neat part! You don't!" — Albi again coping with fucking meme templates.

Or

Or I can step way back, figure out where to go from there, take time to just put my VTsona or whatever to the drawing board, and redebut when I'm good and ready. Preferably, when I'm in a stable place.

Next time you'll see me it'll be really leaning into the Indie aspect– not just because I'd be independent, but I'll be using more of the IndieWeb in my setup. I won't be the only one; I'll be another one. And that's gotta be about something.

I'm liking that option.

If you really love something, or want to do something– you'll make time for it. It's ok if I ultimately can't, but I want to keep trying. Graduation isn't the end, after all.