One Degree (Mourning and Resolution)

I'm still trying to break free of the notion that I gotta have a long 500-word-count-MLA-essay for it to be blog-worthy.

Content Warning for suicide mention (and to say: I am fine. Just saddened.)

I first read about it in other statuses since we travel in similar circles and have friends in common. But to later find out that it was a suicide...

I lose touch with people all the time, so when the temperature fell between us I had shrugged and went about my life.  But I never expect the severance to be... not only permanent, but final. In the way death can only be.

I kept going to their last post, the articles, my memories.

I've seen them struggle. I'm angry on their behalf as I speculate: someone that hurt them badly was responsible. The pain they carried til adulthood was too much.

But they were radiant themselves, too. They helped so many other people in their radiance and existence. When our paths did cross, it was a nice time. I would hear of their kindness and affirmations and gentleness, if it didn't brush against me.

I'm devastated that we lost one of the brightest stars I've ever come across.

It feels like its always the brilliant ones, the people that try so hard, the ones that are loved so deep-- they get estinguished while horrible people are still free to tell lies and destroy lives. I want to scream so bad: IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR. Because that is how the world is.

It has a tendency to try its damnedest to diminish a star until nothing is left.

But I can't go out. I have to keep going, for those that couldn't make it.

May you finally have peace the would couldn't give you.