Covering the Weekend

I'm writing this on the 23rd.

I am sick.

I am figuring out where to live from here. I have a month to figure it out.

I'm also remembering something Little Bear touched upon years ago: being able to keep stuff is a privilege. To be able to accumulate parts of your life that is your home? A history of where you've been, what you needed?

How many times have I downsized, left behind, sold some things so I can move? It is so sad, so tiring. Some things I couldn't bring with me because it'd be too much. Other things needing to be converted to cash so I can have the gas to keep moving. It's terrible.

It's tiring.

And I may have to do it again.

Current Mood

I am despairing at the world– how it can be so cruel, so hard, so unforgiving, and it doesn't have to be this way. How isolating and draining of hope it is. How people can be such big meanies.

I'm also angry. How can the people that've hurt me thrive, when I am still picking up the pieces? When I am still in pieces? Where is my fault?

24. Weekend Plans

Plans this weekend are to just settle in, drink a lot of fluids, and just rest. Catch up on the books I still haven't read, the game I haven't finished yet. I should, ideally, write some more. I suddenly have a lot of fanfic ideas after months of drought.

Below are some more fun prompts to tide you over this weekend. I'd apologize for being a downer, but nah.

25. How do you decide whether you buy or borrow a book?

I'll outright buy a book (even it it's later) if...

• I've really enjoyed the author before
• I've long anticipated a title
• I have lost a previous copy
• Or originally borrowed, but loved the book so much I wanted a copy for myself
• A last resort– if a title isn't available at my library or the wait time is atrocious

I'll borrow a book through the library, or if a friend has a copy I'll swipe that for a bit. It's usually random titles I'm unsure, unfamiliar with, or just curious about; that way, the only thing lost would be some time. That goes for recommendations, too.

26. What subscription service have you tried and cancelled almost immediately?

OKCupid and Feeld. The instant I hit the "Free Trial" button I was hit with a wall of what the fuck am I doing and embarrassment, honestly. Am I really that desperate for human connection to blow my budget for, idk, 30 dollars a week?

Do you know how much Netflix that is?

27. What is something you really wanted as a child, that you finally got to do or buy for yourself as an adult?

A modern handheld game thing.

I was gifted the Gameboy Pocket for Christmas one year... just in time for the Gameboy Color to be announced. So already, I felt like the danged thing was obsolete! I got my second chance when the Nintendo DS came out. After research and saving money, I got me a cool blue one with Trace Memory as my first game.

Runner up: my own CD collection. Once I had my own money I went buck wild.

28. If your life was a TV show, what would this episode be titled?

Home Ain't Home Anymore, Part 4. It's a long multi-ep arc.