TT: The Coming Out Post in, like, 2021 or something

Below is the letter I posted quite some time ago (in Internet time).

I've no commentary to add (other than fighting the urge to call out someone by name, because I seem to always be down to starting some shit)... Well, except I wish I came out sooner. Like, college years sooner. But, better late than never, and it's past time I make it explicit.

For the educational side of things, I go over it in shameless detail in this post: Gender Notes 2.0 / (My) Gender 101.

Hey, fam.

No, I mean, I should clarify: my blood relatives. I guess those from way back that are out of the loop are included, too, but for the fam applicable: I'm the cuzzo that never shows up to anything any more. I hope everyone is well; I get the occasional update from my mom.

I've been sitting on Coming Out for years, now, but I never did it. The pandemic (and yes, we're still in one!) has me seriously introspective. I'm almost 40 and not getting any younger. Initially, it was because I didn't really feel the need to, "that's no one's business," or I figured I'd cross that bridge if I ever bring any significant other(s) around with me on a visit. But as time grew, another reason crystalized: I kept my distance and was bad at keeping in touch... I didn't want to be a statistic.
I didn't want to be another queer who's ostracized from their extended family.
I can just be the Cuzzo That Never Shows Up to Anything. That seemed easier. You can't get hurt if you never stick your neck out, right?

But sometimes, that just isn't the way to live.

I'm so far removed that I don't know what y'all say about me. The only rumor I know is this one, several years old now: that I'm an lesbian that turns people gay.
Not quite, Uncle "B," and you give me way too much credit. I don't turn anything but keys.

I've shared the occasional article on LGBTQ issues and even had my profile pic the mishmash of two Pride flags. If anyone glanced at my about page they would have noticed the non-standard gender identity listed there. I never announced it, but I didn't go out of my way to hide it, either.

Everyone knows a queer cousin. If you don't know any, it's you.

When I first heard that it tickled the hell out of me, because I certainly didn't know any!

So, hello, I'm the queer cousin.

I'm the bisexual agender person y'all watched grow or grew up with– not a lesbian, but still under that LGBTQ umbrella. "Queer," in short, because the full convenient labels for who I am would probably make eyes roll.

But here's the final reason I've finally penned this letter: because when I was done giggling over that joke, I looked around.

And I saw I was the only one.

Officially Coming Out has more than one benefit. To name what you are– to name things, generally speaking– is to give it power. And there's few things more powerful than speaking into being your whole authentic self.

But there's a reason National Coming Out Day is such a big deal. To be visible is to give others the courage to also come out, the validation of their own identities, and to be that shining beacon in the darkness for those that can't come out, for whatever reason.

Then... Why the hell didn't I post this on NCOD? Two reasons, honestly: because this entry fell in the hole of Perfectionism, and like most things I'm perpetually late to getting around things.

And I really should not have sat on this.

Because being the only queer cousin is pretty lonely.

So on the off-chance that I'm not the only one (and not limited to just my cousins; there's no time limit for this sorta thing): I'm here, I'm a message away, and if anyone feels alone–

you don't have to feel alone any more. And I'm sorry for waiting so long.

And for everyone else: Surprise me. Or don't. I'm deliberately suspending expectations– the only benefit of being a cynic is that when the good outcome happens you appreciate it all the more. Maybe I will be shunned. Maybe I was silent all these years for a fear that was ultimately toothless. Maybe no one is surprised.

I'm through editing, I swear. I've been sitting on this for 2 years.