That Serious Post

So, as promised, a non-humorous rundown on how I realized I was polyamorous. As usual, it has grown and morphed into not-quite-that, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

First off, let's get that over with. Shut up and get that out of your system, please.

History

I've had the little telltale signs that in retrospect, made a lot of sense. I didn't see the validity in only having one Best Friend; I had several. When Kingdom Hearts played with a love triangle between Sora, Riku, and Kairi, I thought: "why can't they just all be together?" And when my first girlfriend confessed to me that she was polyamorous I thought "huh, okay, I can live with that"– not to mention the whole concept of her "emotionally cheating" on me, a thought I entertained for five days before I concluded that it was bullshit.

So, yeah, due to all of that it was inevitable that I'll eventually stop trying to be monogamous. Like being bisexual and non-binary I would have come around eventually.

But it got a head start when my boyfriend kept pestering me to get a girlfriend. Yanno, because I was bisexual. But since he kept bugging me, I decided to give it a shot, because what the hell. I joined groups, did some reading, talked to people, opened up in a messy Baby's First Polyam Relationship way. I learned a lot, but what was most important to me was how I felt during all of that.

I didn't feel broken anymore.

Because society tells you that you can't fall in love again. And you especially can't fall in love while you're already in love. And if you fall in love with multiple people, that's just lust and you gotta pick one.

So when I was given the proverbial Green Light from my straight boyfriend, it was like growing wings. I talked to crushes, I fell in love again, I took (healthy) risks with opening up. And yes, I fucked up here and there, but I did learn from it.

And then he had to go on and try to close the relationship. That was one incompatibility too much for us, so we broke up. We no longer speak to each other for reasons unrelated to polyamory.

So that's all the boring shit.

Present

The umbrella turn is "non-monogamy," because it is not the only way to be non-monogamous. And it all is defined and dependent on who you ask.

I consider myself solo polyam. In short, you can say I am my own primary partner. I'm an introvert and need my own space and more importantly, downtime. ;) Otherwise, the thought of having a "primary partner" makes me chafe; it feels like I am putting one relationship over the others.

It works for some folx (and, say, if you live with or have kids with someone, it makes sense that you may need to consider them first), but I tend to be more dynamic. Fluctuations or escalations/deescalations happen. So in that vein, I also consider myself a relationship anarchist at this time of writing.

In Short

I enjoy non-monogamy because

• I am not restrained by expectations like the Relationship Escalator
• one person doesn't have the burden to fulfill all of my needs
• no false scarcity with love– and there are many types, and they are all important (time, on the other hand...)

So that is that.