Tag: social media

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Real talk, whenever I have a Hard Time with server stuff on this blog, I think to myself "what the fuck am i doing here" as I sometimes frustrate the hell out of myself. The past few days was one of those times as I troubleshot Something or Other and have Tech Support in my back pocket for advice and pointers (seriously, Digital Ocean Support Bench, thank you so much).

And I looked into other platforms. From having Someone Else manage this Classic/WordPress blog, to Something Completely Different with Ghost. Both are pretty solid options.

I didn’t like either.

For the former, I like having complete control over my stuff– even if that does some with the occasional headache and the consequences of my fuckups. I don’t have to jump hoops to do what I need (want) to do, more of less. And as for Ghost, it’s simple: I just didn’t like it. While I’ll definitely keep it in mind for recommendations and possible future, it doesn’t quite fit my current workflow.

So, hi. I had a moment. But it looks like I figured it out.

For now.

Other than that, sorry for the quietness. I’ve been dealing with offline stuff, which includes totaling my car. So that’s been fun.

Seconds before disaster.

Currently working on another snarky-like review, and here’s a preview for you:

Claudia, who is Black, with a bad perm (chemically relaxed hair), it looks like.
This is supposed to be Claudia Grant from Robotech. If you don’t know what the problem is, you’ll find out.

What other updates I got?

  • the response to my message was a nothingburger
  • watched Blade and partied
  • my bed gained 6 inches from all the mattress pads– and I love it (note: write about that)
  • they bit me
  • Megan 2.0 is coming out soon!?
  • heh heh, it’s all coming together

And that’s all I got as the coffee finally gives out and I get my ass to bed to fight public transit in the morning. See ya later!

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On January 1st, I deleted Facebook and I couldn’t be happier.

But when you’re not on Meta, it can be isolating.

You’re at a party and everyone is happily trading Instagram profiles, and the only thing you could offer reliably is…

…

nothing, actually.

Only gamers seem to know about Discord, and getting people on Signal is still like pulling teeth. Even a phone number could miss– there are still people out there that don’t disclose it for privacy reasons.

That happened to me during another icebreaker. We were sitting next to each other and they beat me to it, asking for my Instagram handle first. Unfortunately, I don’t use it in that capacity (more on that later). We eventually came to a compromise: email addresses. It’s been two months since I sent the first one.

…I’ve yet to receive a reply.

At the next shindig my contact info was just a TinyURL. It has the online places I actually frequent and ways to contact me.

…No new friends (yet).

And I tried sending someone a link to my personal website.

…I uh, got blocked? But that happened only once.

There’s always a failure rate to these things.

When I take it personally: no one wants to meet me where I am.

But actually, I think: No one wants to leave Meta.

It’s convenient. It’s popular. It’s what we know. All the organizations and queer peers are on there. So that’s why I caved and made an Instagram account. Where there’s a lack of RSS feed or newsletter, it’s my last resort. And I still miss important updates because nothing’s chronological, I’m drowning in ads, suggestions keep pestering me, and the whole thing like the rest of the modern web is user hostile.

I fucking hate it.

I may delete it out of spite in six months.

But I’m used to not having Facebook in my life now, and for a digital diet I’ve filled it with other things: GroundNews, tiny forums, my projects, Mastodon, a lot of Discord. I’m even giving Friendica a try (it is largely neglected). I’ve my messaging apps that also have a web or desktop client for when I want to use a full keyboard– it’s easier on my hands.

I think I’m only lonely because I miss certain people.

But also, it’s been oddly freeing. Instead of all those 200 friends, I got my chosen family and fellow weirdos. And the occasional stranger that crosses my path, goes "what’s up, doc?" and if we keep bumping into each other we even become friends!

I think that trade-off is worth it.

In short, I’m the Odd One Out and I am solidly in my Cryptid Era.

Which, cool.

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02/05

Remember a time when you forgave someone fully.

Forgiveness– is it the same as "just getting over it" or a conscious decision to move on? I feel like I do the former a lot.

I immediately thought of that one Vine with the person going "NEVER HAPPENED." I’m a grudge-holder, yo. And I may have forgiven you, but you damn well know that I’ll remember your fucking name, as the Scottish saying goes. It’d be easier to say I got over things. Eventually. I can’t think of a readily-available example of me forgiving someone, let alone FULLY.

Maybe something’ll come to me later. I keep getting lost in the nuance of my own making.

02/12

Remember a time when you spoiled yourself

I love having Me Dates. As in, I go on a date. By myself. It could be as low key or fancy as I please.

And one time I got really fancy. It was a place at random that I Googled "oysters," because of course I was craving those. And it was a new place, kinda swanky and upscale and asked if I had a reservation (I did not), so they seated me at the bar. I treated myself to oysters, shrimp scampi and a dessert with cinnamon ice cream while I started a new book.

I made a mental note to keep that place in my backpocket.

02/14

suggests I "put my dancing shoes on" regardless if I’m going out or not– and have a little dance party. I am OVERDUE for dancing to darkwave synthwave stuff. I never thought I’d like it as much as I do, but I’ve a partner that I love dancing with. And it’s fun! Well, I wiggle. But it counts.

And one time, I was pulled into a spontaneous dance one afternoon after putting on some Dorothy Ashby. That was fun.

And during a L.O.U.D. Twitch stream we did more wiggling then, too.

I think I’ll put on some ShyGirl.

02/28

What are some ways in which you surprised yourself, and maybe others, this month?

Bitch, please. If you didn’t see any of this coming it’s on you. (tone: cynical and generally speaking)

But seriously, I have to outsource this question. Looking back, I feel nothing out of the ordinary.

…

I may have made a new friend in an unlikely environment.

That’s pretty surprising, actually.

 

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haven’t done an off-the-cuff post in a minute, lessgo

…

I’ve had shit luck when organizations and people claim to be apolitical. It’s either Just Unpleasant or there’s a jarring difference in opinion/morality. And I’ve added one more to that streak.

It’s the same as being neutral, isn’t it? To not "pick a side" or "make a stand"? And what is being apolitical if it is not neutral?

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. Desmond Tutu

It was a rift with Pink Pistols and I ultimately could not overcome. So when I saw the promotion going on in another (apolitical) LGBTQ group, I had to say something.

A Discord conversation.A Pink Pistol Organizer responds to my initial query: "What are your thoughts on allowing cops, again?". They say "Nothing has changed Albi-- the nationwide group is all inclusive-- No matter profession, race. etc. We are a chapter of the nationwide group and follow the same principles." I continue with "Because you might wanna make that REALLY CLEAR and UPFRONT so our community members can make informed decisions. So, yeah, you allow cops in a LGBTQ-Forward space." A moderator then closes the conversation. "And I am going to stop this right here. Because this is veering into the realm of politics." (To which The PP Organizer says, "Thank you.")
I am not nice.

This other "apolitical" organization silenced me by

  • deleted the comments of myself and others that expressed concern, and
  • banned me with no warning

And before those two things, a mod did say my my statement was Political and needed to go into the appropriate channel. Wasn’t thrilled (and to that I said "what the fuck?" but halted the convo from my end), but it was more of a server rule than a silencing tactic. Just not a good look, I suppose.

But what else can you expect? I brought up an important point and a valid request, but that doesn’t matter because I was

  • aggressive
  • antagonistic
  • rude
  • disrespectful
  • starting drama
  • being all those other cool words akin to fire

And you know what? Fine. I’ll own up to it. I’m a blunt abrasive mean cuntbitch who led their decorum out back and put it out of it’s fucking misery ten years ago. But that does not make my statements any less important. Y’all forgot that someone’s anger is part of the education. And this is a derailment tactic I am more than intimate with.

BIPOC expressing their concerns are always "starting trouble" about issues that "aren’t important."

Because protecting the reputation of an organization is more important than actually being a safe space for LGBTQIA and BIPOC people.

And Another Thing

The Virgo in me can’t let this go:

Yes, that was the most I’ve said in that group for the four years I was in it.

And why was I an inactive member for so long? Because it was predominately white and made me, a BIPOC person, uncomfortable and I felt unwelcome, frankly. They also have been allowing LEOs as their security for 1-2 years now, which made my interest in attending events dip even lower. Maybe someday, I thought, I’ll go to one if I’m really bored or something, and that just never happened– or was never a priority because there were much better spaces I could visit. And it was one of the many, many Discord servers I don’t frequent, anyway.  so that’s why i rarely went to any of your bitchass rgb-bootlicking events

What Did We Learn?

Look into the things you want to join. Really look into them, and if you can’t find the answer, straight up ask them. Since their documentation and blog post doesn’t outright say "COPS ARE OKAY THOUGH," I assumed they weren’t. My bad. Don’t be like me, kids.

If someone or something is "apolitical," proceed with caution. Pink Pistols claims to be (to their credit, to maintain a "single issue" stance so as not to lose focus of their main goal), and it caused… this. (It certainly didn’t help, imo.)

And lastly, who keeps us safe? We keep us safe. Several servers are Going Through It right now since I started this cascade. And I’ve yet to see (m)any cisgender allies show up and get banned, muted, or silenced with the rest of us– the T in LGBT. (Not that I can confirm that or anything… I’m banned. 🙂 )

Whiteness is STUBBORN. Scroll back a bit for that one.

And remember your history, lest you’re doomed to repeat it.

…or some shit

 

 

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  • how I eat: Have more vegetables, and a variety of them. I guess that means… eating kale
  • work out more. seriously. I’m starting gym next month!
  • but also, when/how. actual schedule
  • my writing process– kinda haphazard. actually use outlines and things
  • how i get up in the mornings– like my writing processes, kinda haphazard
  • the organization of my closet– three guesses how that is
  • be less socially awkward to the point of freezing
  • being at parties, bring board games to potlucks (and an eReader)
  • how I’m on the Internet– should prob pull back a little, also, I deleted FB… what else can I do?
  • how i take notes (i am this close to learning shorthand)

I’m sure there’s a lot more, but those are on the forefront.

 

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So, on January 1st of this year, I finally deleted Facebook. (Full disclosure, the other one is "deactivated" to keep the Messenger channel open for someone I’ve been trying to contact, but it is as good as deleted otherwise.) I was going to wait a month to see how I felt, but this seems like a good time as any.

I feel pretty good, overall. Especially with headlines like "Facebook Embraces Donald Trump" and "Mark Zuckerberg and Meta Are Finding New Ways to Kiss Trump’s Ass."

The Watcher chewing out Dr. Strange for his poor choices. "You were WARNED!"
“You were warned.”

I no longer have a nagging feeling about checking feeds or messages– because they aren’t there. I’m less likely to doomscroll (or have quality doomscrolling with GroundNews). I’ve been pushed into actually using the other social media sites I’m already on, and found myself engaging a little more than passively sharing or quickly emoji reacting.

Also? FB made me lazy about keeping in touch. Why ask, if I could just check their page right quick? Or, I’d friend someone, and that’d be the end of our interaction and we’d see each other, probably, and assume we’ll always be there. But now if I want to know how someone is doing, I need to reach out!

The withdrawal symptoms have yet to set in, but I’m still expecting them. Despite my bitching I did stay on the platform. I suspect the one-foot-already-out-the-door mood I curated is helping with that. But grrl. Those dopamine hits are real.

Lois, going through withdrawal symptoms, nervously staring at a pill bottled marked "Facebook."
It’s harder than it looks.

I also feel a bit bittersweet.

I did make and bump my flounce-y post, but it gained little interaction. I sent messages to people I’d love to keep in touch with, and most were unanswered. Overall, I can count on one hand the number of people who asked where I was going. That didn’t feel great… it made me feel like I think far more about other people than the other way around. On the other hand… People had ample time to keep in touch with me– I’ve been threatening to leave Facebook for years. Most just never asked. Others were acquaintances or friends-of-friends, and I doubt I’d be terribly missed to them. And some people just… grew away from me.

Facebook made me forget about that fact of life. That prevented me from spamming my entire friend list of about 150 people. If it was meant to be something, I wouldn’t be wondering if I should throw my Links-in-Bio at them.

I should mention that there are some things I do miss: the rare trifecta of awesomeness support group, the OGs of a defunct group, and shitposting (needling) fellow hashers. But that isn’t enough to undelete. Those were the only groups I was real invested in beyond the "scroll to be amused" ones (Which reminds me, where’s Simpsons BortPosting? I’m sure I can find another hose of that particular content somewhere else).

To quote a coworker I used to work with, in all her wisdom:

It is what it is. Mrs. Cynth

During a party, I was using my eReader (yes, I’m that bitch). As predicted, a few people came up to ask me what I was reading, what I liked to read, and what they were currently into when they’re not being bookish at potlucks. I even traded StoryGraph links with someone! So that felt extra special, because it wasn’t obligatory, superficial Facebook.

Memes aside, I’ll be okay in the end.

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This is what happens when you have a banger of an earworm in your head, insomnia, and you’re mad about something. So here is my parody to the tune of Chappell Roan’s "Good Luck, Babe!" Shoutout to the rhyming dictionary and a thesaurus, couldn’t have done this without you.

A Black femme-presenting person sitting and giving the side-eye. DELETE BABE is off to the side.
Stock Photo by OG Productionz

Resigned, abused
Community Standards insist I’m still unbruised
My data, misused
With Bortposting, cats, and celebs keeping me amused

I cannot just up and leave
How I’m gonna spam these memes?
I’m gonna stave off FOMO with passive scrolling

Chorus:
You can cuss out bigots every hour
Install plugins and adblock, use a dummy email
You can state a fact or just defend yourself
AI moderators throw you in FB Jail
Delete, babe! (Delete!)
Just delete, babe! (Delete it!)
You gotta gray your name to restore the feeling
Delete, babe! (Delete!)
Just delete, babe! (Delete it!)
You gotta gray your name to return to meaning

Who gives, a fuck?
Everything is there though viewing what you want takes luck
We are trapped, with this muck
This shit don’t help my depression, but our support network is stuck

Think I’ll finally just leave
Even though I’ll miss those memes
I just want true connection and stop this scrolling

(Chorus)

When you stay up with your phone through the hours of the night
With that glare in your eyes: cop blue with pound-six-F whites
And when you think about my sites, web two point oh
You flounder while I code, "I told you so"
I gave links to elsewhere, I told you so
I hate repeating myself, but: I told you so!

(Chorus)

You gotta gray your name to restore the feeling
You gotta gray your name to return to meaning
You gotta gray your name to restore the feeling

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I had a "enjoy it while it lasts" mentality when it came to BlueSky. The tipping point finally came for Twitter, and a mass exodus occurred in their favor. The rest of my streamer friends were finally on a platform I kinda-sorta paid attention to. But I didn’t hold my breath.

Sure enough, the nail on the coffin was swift: within days of new users enjoying the new-to-them platform, Jesse Singal, known P.O.S., is not only welcomed on Bluesky– but has ties to Kiwifarms.

(If you have no idea how that’s bad news [I’m envious at your ignorance, but also, where have you been?]: KF is notorious for being a forum full of people that love to doxx, stalk, SWAT, and generally spend way too much of their time obsessing over people they don’t like. They’re most known for harassing transgender individuals.)

And…

People are still being declared overreacting about this?

But what’s been really getting me, is that people are staying anyway. I’m annoyed similarly that it took people this long to GTFO Twitter.

Now, I should hold nuance for those that feel like they don’t have anywhere else to go[1] (Anti-Blackness is global, and permeates the Internet) and for some people, it’s literally their business. And not everyone can just up and delete their account, I guess, or have time/energy/knowhow to just say "fuck it" and roll their own. Or, like, whoever. Whatever.

But…

We gotta do better, y’all.

I’ve come across so many others that articulated way better than I could about how I was feeling about this.

It’s the main idea of why the whole aspect of the "Indie Web," Web 2.0, The-Web-I-Grew-Up-On, has been my Roman Empire for the past year.

There’s alternatives, but unless it’s VC-backed no one really cares. It’s toxic to so many marginalized groups, but that’s where the community is. It harms the most vulnerable and the man behind the wheel is a fucking weasel, but that’s where all your followers are.

Who brings the community?

Who gets sacrificed the instant it’s no longer profitable to exploit their work?

Who suffers because people think Tolerance is still a good idea? (It’s not!)

It’s very likely that I’m salty because, well, I feel this boils down to yet again that trans people just aren’t important as comfort media and convenience. Cis folks wouldn’t stop clutching their Harry Potter books and that fucking game and that shitty chicken sandwich place to show the bare minimum of solidarity, so I can’t say I’m surprised.

And yet, this still stings.

It’s not about connections and empathy anymore. It’s all about the numbers, and I’m an unimportant one.

So, like, whatthefuckever. Stay there if you want.

It’s business as usual.

Carla, a transgender woman, shrugging and rolling her eyes. She says, "You do whatever you want. I'm used to being everybody's acceptable losses." This is toward her cisgender Resident Assistant who did not stick up for her during a bigoted interaction with another dorm member.
Source: Dumbing of Age

[1] What? You thought I was going to recommend Mastodon? …Well, maybe, but with huge honking caveats and a narrow list of the instances and apps that I recommend. And let’s face it, we absolutely dropped the ball when Twitter first started fucking up (more). So, probably not.

We’ll need to carve out what next to do.

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A magazine ad for Lunar Silver Star Story, announcing that it will cease being sold on January 01 2000 after listing postive attributes. I have edited it to what I think my titles were on FB (annoying, unhinged, easily irritable), before declaring that my final title I'll earn on Jan 01 2025: not on fucking facebook. The smaller text is just a rant about the ToS, how AI sucks, my other sites.

I don’t bring attention to it, but I do have a Facebook account. But by the end of this year, that will be in the past tense.

I’m finally deleting the damn thing.

It had been on thin ice for me for years. I’ve been on much more fun sites, and I’ve been really getting into the whole "Old Web" pre Capitalist Hell we’re in now. And also. Let me count the ways…

  • accessibility nightmare
  • bad vibes

…well, that’s about it. "Bad vibes" has its own sublist of things that make up for it, like

  • ""community standards"" that leave actual hate speech up
  • algo nightmare
  • ads
  • is totally evil

But I stayed. Why? Because that’s where most of my friends are. And that’s where the local communities put their events and groups. It’s the only place where I can reach certain family members via Messenger.

And that is finally, finally not enough anymore.

Like WordPress, but worse, FB decided to do more in feeding the LLM slop machine and really come down on how they treat creators and their work. By swiping it to use it however they see fit.

I’ve made my flouncy posts and reached out to people to trade contact info. I’m holding out until Dec 31st, New Year’s Eve, before I cut my losses and delete the account.

I have over 200 friends. I’m blessed to have several handfuls of people that I love and adore and admire– and we have rapport in other places besides Facebook, including offline. I’m lucky to have support networks that meet up for trail, game nights, and social things.

I’m going to miss the groups I’m in.

And the reels my partners and I send back and forth to annoy each other.

And the memes, and silly groups where we all just shitpost (respectfully).

And the groups I have been in for yeeeaaaars that had been there for me when I needed them. There is a ghost of a ghost of a remake of one that I’ve been in for over a decade and we’ve kiki history, babes.

But it’s time to move on, because I have to do better than fucking Facebook.

If I miss things, oh well. I’m on mailing lists, bookmarked websites, and frequent my haunts.

If the one group I’ve been trying to revive ends up tanking because I’m no longer on FB to pester people about it (I’ll be on other platforms, including an old-school forum)… well, can’t say I didn’t try.

(BTW, tangent, communities etc– please have your web presence be somewhere else besides Facebook. At the very least have different options. Instagram does not fucking count. And neither does Twitter.)

And for those that never reached out… I don’t think I’ll be missed. And if I am, hopefully we’ve people and hobbies in common that we’ll eventually cross paths again. Otherwise… yo. You had time to make me a priority, and by New Year’s Day you’ll be out of it.

So, that is all.

What better New Years Resolution, right?

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As the WordPress environment is set aflame by one guy throwing a tantrum and lawyers sending each other strongly worded leaflets, I’m just sitting here glad that I made the switch to ClassicPress months ago. And, not for the first time, I noticed a trend in my social media restructuring: when it isn’t FOSS or decentalised, the sites I’m now most active on is a fork or reconstruction of what I grew up with.

While NekoWeb is admittedly a stretch (free hosting never went out of style), I have listed it because of how nostalgic it has made me. It’s what I keep repeating: the Old Web and how people used to build and decorate their online spaces. However, two services are forked from earlier concepts of their modern-day counterparts:

  • 2018: WordPress 5.0 introduced the Block system
  • Dreamwidth forked from LJ as early as 2009

And SpaceHey is basically resurrected MySpace from the early 2000s or so… I was never on that platform proper pre-botched migration (it got better). It’s been interesting to see how it was, right now… and not as a kid, but an adult that does their own taxes and everything. I would’ve loved MySpace, especially for the hack to inject CSS. And I’m liking it now as an alternative to Facebook.