Tag: facebook

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On January 1st, I deleted Facebook and I couldn’t be happier.

But when you’re not on Meta, it can be isolating.

You’re at a party and everyone is happily trading Instagram profiles, and the only thing you could offer reliably is…

…

nothing, actually.

Only gamers seem to know about Discord, and getting people on Signal is still like pulling teeth. Even a phone number could miss– there are still people out there that don’t disclose it for privacy reasons.

That happened to me during another icebreaker. We were sitting next to each other and they beat me to it, asking for my Instagram handle first. Unfortunately, I don’t use it in that capacity (more on that later). We eventually came to a compromise: email addresses. It’s been two months since I sent the first one.

…I’ve yet to receive a reply.

At the next shindig my contact info was just a TinyURL. It has the online places I actually frequent and ways to contact me.

…No new friends (yet).

And I tried sending someone a link to my personal website.

…I uh, got blocked? But that happened only once.

There’s always a failure rate to these things.

When I take it personally: no one wants to meet me where I am.

But actually, I think: No one wants to leave Meta.

It’s convenient. It’s popular. It’s what we know. All the organizations and queer peers are on there. So that’s why I caved and made an Instagram account. Where there’s a lack of RSS feed or newsletter, it’s my last resort. And I still miss important updates because nothing’s chronological, I’m drowning in ads, suggestions keep pestering me, and the whole thing like the rest of the modern web is user hostile.

I fucking hate it.

I may delete it out of spite in six months.

But I’m used to not having Facebook in my life now, and for a digital diet I’ve filled it with other things: GroundNews, tiny forums, my projects, Mastodon, a lot of Discord. I’m even giving Friendica a try (it is largely neglected). I’ve my messaging apps that also have a web or desktop client for when I want to use a full keyboard– it’s easier on my hands.

I think I’m only lonely because I miss certain people.

But also, it’s been oddly freeing. Instead of all those 200 friends, I got my chosen family and fellow weirdos. And the occasional stranger that crosses my path, goes "what’s up, doc?" and if we keep bumping into each other we even become friends!

I think that trade-off is worth it.

In short, I’m the Odd One Out and I am solidly in my Cryptid Era.

Which, cool.

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So, on January 1st of this year, I finally deleted Facebook. (Full disclosure, the other one is "deactivated" to keep the Messenger channel open for someone I’ve been trying to contact, but it is as good as deleted otherwise.) I was going to wait a month to see how I felt, but this seems like a good time as any.

I feel pretty good, overall. Especially with headlines like "Facebook Embraces Donald Trump" and "Mark Zuckerberg and Meta Are Finding New Ways to Kiss Trump’s Ass."

The Watcher chewing out Dr. Strange for his poor choices. "You were WARNED!"
“You were warned.”

I no longer have a nagging feeling about checking feeds or messages– because they aren’t there. I’m less likely to doomscroll (or have quality doomscrolling with GroundNews). I’ve been pushed into actually using the other social media sites I’m already on, and found myself engaging a little more than passively sharing or quickly emoji reacting.

Also? FB made me lazy about keeping in touch. Why ask, if I could just check their page right quick? Or, I’d friend someone, and that’d be the end of our interaction and we’d see each other, probably, and assume we’ll always be there. But now if I want to know how someone is doing, I need to reach out!

The withdrawal symptoms have yet to set in, but I’m still expecting them. Despite my bitching I did stay on the platform. I suspect the one-foot-already-out-the-door mood I curated is helping with that. But grrl. Those dopamine hits are real.

Lois, going through withdrawal symptoms, nervously staring at a pill bottled marked "Facebook."
It’s harder than it looks.

I also feel a bit bittersweet.

I did make and bump my flounce-y post, but it gained little interaction. I sent messages to people I’d love to keep in touch with, and most were unanswered. Overall, I can count on one hand the number of people who asked where I was going. That didn’t feel great… it made me feel like I think far more about other people than the other way around. On the other hand… People had ample time to keep in touch with me– I’ve been threatening to leave Facebook for years. Most just never asked. Others were acquaintances or friends-of-friends, and I doubt I’d be terribly missed to them. And some people just… grew away from me.

Facebook made me forget about that fact of life. That prevented me from spamming my entire friend list of about 150 people. If it was meant to be something, I wouldn’t be wondering if I should throw my Links-in-Bio at them.

I should mention that there are some things I do miss: the rare trifecta of awesomeness support group, the OGs of a defunct group, and shitposting (needling) fellow hashers. But that isn’t enough to undelete. Those were the only groups I was real invested in beyond the "scroll to be amused" ones (Which reminds me, where’s Simpsons BortPosting? I’m sure I can find another hose of that particular content somewhere else).

To quote a coworker I used to work with, in all her wisdom:

It is what it is. Mrs. Cynth

During a party, I was using my eReader (yes, I’m that bitch). As predicted, a few people came up to ask me what I was reading, what I liked to read, and what they were currently into when they’re not being bookish at potlucks. I even traded StoryGraph links with someone! So that felt extra special, because it wasn’t obligatory, superficial Facebook.

Memes aside, I’ll be okay in the end.

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This is what happens when you have a banger of an earworm in your head, insomnia, and you’re mad about something. So here is my parody to the tune of Chappell Roan’s "Good Luck, Babe!" Shoutout to the rhyming dictionary and a thesaurus, couldn’t have done this without you.

A Black femme-presenting person sitting and giving the side-eye. DELETE BABE is off to the side.
Stock Photo by OG Productionz

Resigned, abused
Community Standards insist I’m still unbruised
My data, misused
With Bortposting, cats, and celebs keeping me amused

I cannot just up and leave
How I’m gonna spam these memes?
I’m gonna stave off FOMO with passive scrolling

Chorus:
You can cuss out bigots every hour
Install plugins and adblock, use a dummy email
You can state a fact or just defend yourself
AI moderators throw you in FB Jail
Delete, babe! (Delete!)
Just delete, babe! (Delete it!)
You gotta gray your name to restore the feeling
Delete, babe! (Delete!)
Just delete, babe! (Delete it!)
You gotta gray your name to return to meaning

Who gives, a fuck?
Everything is there though viewing what you want takes luck
We are trapped, with this muck
This shit don’t help my depression, but our support network is stuck

Think I’ll finally just leave
Even though I’ll miss those memes
I just want true connection and stop this scrolling

(Chorus)

When you stay up with your phone through the hours of the night
With that glare in your eyes: cop blue with pound-six-F whites
And when you think about my sites, web two point oh
You flounder while I code, "I told you so"
I gave links to elsewhere, I told you so
I hate repeating myself, but: I told you so!

(Chorus)

You gotta gray your name to restore the feeling
You gotta gray your name to return to meaning
You gotta gray your name to restore the feeling

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A magazine ad for Lunar Silver Star Story, announcing that it will cease being sold on January 01 2000 after listing postive attributes. I have edited it to what I think my titles were on FB (annoying, unhinged, easily irritable), before declaring that my final title I'll earn on Jan 01 2025: not on fucking facebook. The smaller text is just a rant about the ToS, how AI sucks, my other sites.

I don’t bring attention to it, but I do have a Facebook account. But by the end of this year, that will be in the past tense.

I’m finally deleting the damn thing.

It had been on thin ice for me for years. I’ve been on much more fun sites, and I’ve been really getting into the whole "Old Web" pre Capitalist Hell we’re in now. And also. Let me count the ways…

  • accessibility nightmare
  • bad vibes

…well, that’s about it. "Bad vibes" has its own sublist of things that make up for it, like

  • ""community standards"" that leave actual hate speech up
  • algo nightmare
  • ads
  • is totally evil

But I stayed. Why? Because that’s where most of my friends are. And that’s where the local communities put their events and groups. It’s the only place where I can reach certain family members via Messenger.

And that is finally, finally not enough anymore.

Like WordPress, but worse, FB decided to do more in feeding the LLM slop machine and really come down on how they treat creators and their work. By swiping it to use it however they see fit.

I’ve made my flouncy posts and reached out to people to trade contact info. I’m holding out until Dec 31st, New Year’s Eve, before I cut my losses and delete the account.

I have over 200 friends. I’m blessed to have several handfuls of people that I love and adore and admire– and we have rapport in other places besides Facebook, including offline. I’m lucky to have support networks that meet up for trail, game nights, and social things.

I’m going to miss the groups I’m in.

And the reels my partners and I send back and forth to annoy each other.

And the memes, and silly groups where we all just shitpost (respectfully).

And the groups I have been in for yeeeaaaars that had been there for me when I needed them. There is a ghost of a ghost of a remake of one that I’ve been in for over a decade and we’ve kiki history, babes.

But it’s time to move on, because I have to do better than fucking Facebook.

If I miss things, oh well. I’m on mailing lists, bookmarked websites, and frequent my haunts.

If the one group I’ve been trying to revive ends up tanking because I’m no longer on FB to pester people about it (I’ll be on other platforms, including an old-school forum)… well, can’t say I didn’t try.

(BTW, tangent, communities etc– please have your web presence be somewhere else besides Facebook. At the very least have different options. Instagram does not fucking count. And neither does Twitter.)

And for those that never reached out… I don’t think I’ll be missed. And if I am, hopefully we’ve people and hobbies in common that we’ll eventually cross paths again. Otherwise… yo. You had time to make me a priority, and by New Year’s Day you’ll be out of it.

So, that is all.

What better New Years Resolution, right?