Bloganuary Prompt: What do you complain about the most?
The one thing I bitch about the most? Heteronormality.
Nah, scratch that; it’s how binary everything freakin’ is.
No, wait! How I’m expected to be androgynous because I’m non-binary.
No, wait, it’s how the [insert community here] has a racism problem it refuses to acknowledge.
Okay, let’s go with that one. It hurts my heart when I’m hit with racist microaggressions when I exist in queer-forward spaces, on top of the general history of Whiteness marginalizing anyone that isn’t white.
Wait, no, let’s take it a step further with [community] has a [bigot] problem it refuses to acknowledge, if not actively encourage. And it really hurts when it feels like these peers should get it, you know?
Because why the fuck is biphobia still a fucking problem in the overall queer community? I’ve friends who are currently shouted down and erased because they’re never seen as queer enough.
And all of my Black peers stay away from the Hoteps of the diaspora because they insist on hetero normativity, and toxic masculinity.
You know what? It’s bigoty. That’s what I complain about the most.
That’s it, that’s the post, because I’m tired of repeating myself ad nauseum. We’ll be here all day with the long list of examples I can illustrate.
A bitch is tired. I’ll probably expand on this at a later date, complete with personal anecdotes. But for now, just allow me to get to the point:
Solidarity ain’t shit when you’re still a fucking bigot.
I am absolutely running that joke into the ground.
Prompt: Write about your first computer.
Bloganuary is over, but I couldn’t resist this prompt!
My dad bought an AST Advantage! computer[1] from a coworker and we settled it on the desk in my bedroom. We were pretty excited, both of us being electronic gadget nerds in our own ways: I was into everything computers, while my dad’s forte was audio and video setups. We were both content in a RadioShack, back in the day.
It was a beige thing with a horizontal tower (vertical wasn’t all the rage yet) and came with CRT monitor, keyboard, mouse, a desk microphone, a manual, and a whole sleeve of CD software (s/o to Encarta, always coming in clutch when I needed additional research for school essays). The speakers were passable, nothing to write home about.
It was running Windows 95. A solid operating system– a opinion I hold to this day– but it felt a little dated compared to the Win98 (or 2000?) installed on computers elsewhere. But, that was no biggie. It also lacked adequate Internet access for its modem wasn’t quite up to snuff, if I recall correctly. But, still, it was pretty cool. When it wasn’t a word processor, it played music and we played a few MS-DOS games on it.
The Advantage! stayed in my room. From what I remember, the computer became my domain and thus, unofficially tasked with taking care of the thing. That included, in my assumption, that I was to do upkeep and remove any unnecessary files or programs. I took it pretty seriously.
From the Windows 95 desktop I dragged photos and irrelevant documents from Explorer to the recycling bin. You can guess where this is going. No, I did not delete the System32 folder, but I did something just as hilarious:
I deleted desktop.exe.
In my defense, I made sure to at least open programs before I made my decision to chuck ’em. And this particular executable was the AST-branded desktop environment with a distinct Windows 3.1 flavor. I thought it was safe to get rid of, because we already had a desktop environment– and a modern one, to boot! I thought I was safe.
The instant I banished it to the Bin, I got an error message. You were instructed to reboot the computer in hopes of the OS finding desktop.exe again. But it was in the Bin, untouchable, so you were effectively boot looped.
I panicked. Not because I’d get in trouble (and I probably did), but because we didn’t have the install discs for the operating system! So there was no way for me to fix it until we got them. A few weeks later I was able to repair the damage, and got a surprise. The install discs were for Windows 3.1! The Windows 95 install turned out to be a delicate patch job that I wrecked in my error.
But hey, the computer was usable again! So I got on with it with no complaint. I screwed up, after all. Armed with the Flatten-and-Rebuild option, I got to learning and making more mistakes. I hadn’t done any blunders of that magnitude since, but I kept those discs close!
I became real familiar with using the ALT key to access menu items– especially ALT + SPACE, for when a window got nudged off-screen and I could not see it. That happened a lot in 3.1, at least in my use case. I learned how Batch files did their thing and customized a whole startup routine pointing to different programs and Windows proper– including an NES emulator to play Mega Man II. I played with its audio programs, listening to my Final Fantasy MIDIs when I wasn’t creating silly audio skits. Imagine my delight when I saw it could’ve been used as an answering machine and phone! Stones.Exe was my favorite time-waster, when we weren’t playing MS-DOS games. And lastly: it was just pretty fascinating to interact with That Older OS, to see how far along its come.
Common objects I’ve ferreted to and from home via floppy discs were
Eventually, we did get our Technically-Second computer: A Gateway with Windows Millennial Edition. It was the family computer, chilling in my parent’s bedroom before it was moved to the corner of the dining room. We loved ourselves some Bejeweled, 3D Pinball Space Cadet, and That Game Where You Shoot Dial-Up Modems (was free with our DSL provider).
I thoroughly enjoyed browsing the Internet, sending emails, browsing GameFAQs, and putting together my fansites for Chrono Cross and Kingdom Hearts. I downloaded mp3s from OverClocked Remix— it took twenty minutes for one file, so I typically busied myself with something else– and the entire time I’d hope no one would call.
There was also this program that snitched on everything you did on the computer. Of course, it was installed! I was called out for the habit of deleting my browsing history (because they could see it anyway), but I just shrugged. I wasn’t doing anything out of line and to be frank, the real saucy stuff was regulated to the library computers, out of their reach. This Nanny program promptly disappeared when I exploited WinME’s login bug, snooped, and found a certain folder with certain images not under my account. That deeply amused me.
We had a year free of for Norton, when they were still reliable. All of us clicked on our fair share of dodgy sites (and yes, we used Limewire), and were super concerned with the worms and viruses. When Sasser was making the rounds I couldn’t help but feel smug– it didn’t target WinME systems (but it did get the last laugh when I finally upgraded to XP without reformatting– another lesson learned).
The era of Family Computers was a pretty special time. There was nothing like it. It was communal, whether we crowded around the screen or we took turns doing Important Things. We burned CDs, used the scanner, printed out photos, and bookmarked cool things for us to peruse. I have a family photo of all of us at the table, taken by our first digital camera, processed on our first computer, and printed out on our first printer.
I kept the AST for a few years, and eventually inherited the Gateway when it was usurped from the Family Computer crown. After that, I upgraded to a HP Media Center Edition for school (I needed all the horsepower for Photoshop and video editing– the TV watching was a bonus). And beyond that, I’ve had my run-ins with more HPs, Acers, and Dells.
But the AST Advantage! was first, and I’ll fondly look back on it always.
Bloganuary writing prompt: What would you do if you won the lottery?
I’m one of those folks that automatically go for the nuances, the catches, and the myriad of ways something can go differently. Thanks, anxiety! My answer would depend on how big the winnings are. But let’s pretend it’s enough money to cover everything I want to do.
First, the Responsible Things. In addition to paying down my debts, I’m buying a house, buying a solid car, and retiring early. Preferably it’ll be some land where I can plop a modest-size one-story semi-smart house, and a shed somewhere on the property. Lots of patio. Then I’m getting my teeth fixed– all the dental stuff I couldn’t afford to do, I’m doing it. Probably all at once to get it over with, and just recover at the new crib.
If I’m living alone, that’ll be that. But I’ll have plenty of space for a partner’s garden, another’s getaway, and another’s crafting area. And regardless, there’s going to be a huge dining room table for board game nights.
Now, we’re going to be indulgent: elaborate tattoos, a gaming rig that actually plays modern games, a new laptop (still, with Linux!), wardrobe refresh/additions, jewelry that doesn’t turn green, mysteriously lose 30 pounds, obtain a small library complete with comfy chairs, a media room, and a few gadgets that caught my eye.
…Okay, one more indulgence: I’ll have all the streaming services and give out the logins to anyone that wants one.
I’d give Empire the proper ending it deserves. I’d bring back Freaks and Geeks. I’ll pay off Nicki Minaj to stop embarrassing herself.
All that is stuff off the top of my head. But let me tell you what I wish and daydream about the most.
I want my mom to have a house in the location she loves. I want my youngest sib to be secure with the best tech and have the car my dad always said I could buy: some red fancy thing. I want us to have a house close to the beach.
I want to donate to local queer charities so I won’t have to see them shut down only after seven years of existing. I want programs and buildings that actually give a shit about the homeless. I’ll resurrect Comic Girl Coffee. I’ll heavily patronize the businesses of people of color.
I want to help out, if not outright rescue, my loved ones anywhere in the country that are having a hard time. I want to declare: I got you. Just exist and create art. I’ll meet the goal of every mutual aid post that comes across my feed.
I want a row or a tiny neighborhood of all my friends and partners and metas and cool people (a commune, that’s a commune).
I want to know the feeling of knowing that your bills are always paid.
I want to see the doctor without worrying if it’ll cost me.
My savings account would actually have some money in it.
I want the setbacks to be mere hiccups.
Taking trips around the world or a McMansion are the farthest from my mind. Because let’s be real, I’m a broke millennial– the dream for me is the basics.
Bloganuary writing prompt: Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
I can tell you what type of items I tended to get attached to: something small, probably cute, and later on was a prop for my comedy. Except for a few, these were almost always bears. Some exceptions include a dragon, Squirrel Dude, a cat, and my oldest favorite: Actually a Bobcat. Because he had spots, so he was a bobcat, damn it!
His name was Kitten, originally. He was small like one! He couldn’t have been more than 5 inches tall, and is now a very light gray. In 7th grade I had a dear friend take him home to have her mom patch up his failing spotted butt, so his butt implant is a light blue. This was also the same friend that insisted on calling him Bob (short for bobcat) but I refused, so we compromised: KittenBob.
He was certainly for companionship in the lonely elementary school years, like a security blanket. It was pretty rough for a shy bookworm taking speech therapy classes. He didn’t start really becoming the vehicle of jokes until middle school– I’d act out scenes or have him deliver punchlines, usually in math class. In a routine, he was the boke to my tsukkomi. I didn’t make it as the class clown, but my friends thought I was funny.
When I became a freshman in high school, I began leaving him at home; KittenBob was getting old and I worried about damaging him. He passed the mantle onto a character I created to entertain my younger sibling, the inspiration being a knockoff beanie baby. From doodle to prop, his successor was Not A Cat and carried on to be a distraction in Spanish class, a guest during silly family outings, and starring in his own college project!
I still have them hanging about my bedroom, chillin’ in the shadowbox or lurking on a bookshelf.
It’s very awesome to see people become so good at the game that they beat it in record time. They have an intimate knowledge of not only how the game itself works, but the quirks and nuances of not only the format the game is in, but also the system the game is played on. It can get pretty technical when you think beyond speed, though that alone is still pretty impressive. I personally enjoy the runs where glitches are exploited and the game is utterly broken– that takes time and dedication.
When a speedrun tournament is happening, I block off my evenings and not move from the couch. The outside world ceases to exist. I’d have a spread of finger food, hookah, drinks, and other friends that enjoy video game content (but if it’s just me, the spread is much smaller). I cheer on my favorites, jump up when a hard trick is pulled off, and you know I’m shouting when someone breaks a world record! I laugh, I cry, I wish I wasn’t hand-eye-coordination impaired.
Bloganuary writing prompt: What books do you want to read?
This year, I’m making a point to go through my To-Read list of over 300 books. Some are recent, but most have been around for quite some time, and some may be pruned as I lost interest over the years. Additionally, excuse any preliminary typos for my Bloganurary posts. I refuse to give myself the luxury of sitting on these entries for months with revisions and hand-wringing (it’s January, after all), but I’ll do my best to edit in post (in-post?). But onward. I promise, this will be a short list!
Around the Way Girl, by Taraji P. Henson
Look, she was the only reason I stuck with Empire to the end (okay, the first reason; the second reason is that I love mess and Empire’s storyline was Mess Squared, ending with someone getting bludgeoned with a prosthetic leg). But I love her in just about everything she’s in. Hell, she’s the reason I sat through one of Tyler Perry’s awful movies, and even her acting couldn’t save that thing. Since quoting Mean Girls is so hot right now, you can say I have a BIG LESBIAN CRUSH on her too (her as Shug Avery? SWOON, I tell you). Admittedly I have a surface-level knowledge of most celebrities and actors, and unfortunately Henson is no different. So I want to read her book and know more about her. I can’t wait to pick this up!
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, by Rosalind Wiseman
Since I mentioned Mean Girls earlier I figure I’m obligated to add this. Based on the movie that gave us Boo, you whore, this is actually nonfiction! I feel like I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am– this isn’t the first time the film deviated from the book its based on, and it won’t be the last. I’m morbidly curious and a little afraid– and I feel like I could’ve used this book.
Now I’ll Tell You Everything, Volume 25, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
This is what I call a Nostalgia Read. I grew up along with Alice as she experienced loss, befriended friends, and tried to find out what the hell a pomegranate was and why breasts were compared to it. And of course, the series slipped my mind until it was announced that this would be THE LAST ONE. So now I’m getting around to it. Finally. I feel like I should find a synopsis or summaries of all the previous books in the series; it doesn’t feel right just diving in after years of neglect. That’s the only reason why I haven’t gone further than the first chapter.
Small Steps, by Louis Sachar
It’s the sequel to the much-beloved Holes. Enough said.
So Let Them Burn, by Kamilah Cole
Cole was one of the authors affected by the terrible business of that Goodreads Review Controversy, which is… a lot. Here’s a comprehensive video by With Cindy and another from Reads with Rachel for good measure), for they both explain WTF happened and highlight other authors that were unfairly targeted. They aren’t the only writer I plan to check out, but I feel the strongest pull toward this book. A fantasy story based on Jamaican culture, I feel this is an absolute breath of fresh air from the vast majority of European culture-based ones (at least, when I was growing up; y’all kids got it much better these days!).
Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao
Frankly, I’ve been sleeping on this author and I’m forever Late to the Party. (And FYI, she was also instrumental in helping piece together the bigger picture re: Goodreads Review Controversy.) I knew her first from her analysis of Chinese culture and representation in media. I want to check out all of her work. > Iron Widow is a YA sci-fi retelling of the rise of Wu Zetian, the only female emperor in Chinese history. The series follows an 18-year-old re-imagining of her as she avenges her sister’s murder by an intensely patriarchal military system that pairs boys and girls up to pilot giant magical mecha based on creatures from East Asian myth (Nine-Tailed Fox, Moon Rabbit, etc.), but in which boy pilots are treated like celebrities, while girl pilots must serve as their concubines. https://xiranjayzhao.com/index.php/books/
Now tell me that doesn’t sound rad. I dare you.
Winter Without End, by Casimir Laski
The author is also Cardinal West on Youtube, who I began watching for their in-depth video essays of xenofiction. When they announced and released their debut novel, I was pretty hyped! Their essays are so informative, illustrative, and thorough— suffice to say they know their stuff, and I have very high expectations about this tale of an uneasy post-pandemic alliance between dog and wolf. Yes, I love Watership Down, why do you ask? But seriously: in case you’re wondering what xenofiction even is, look no further than one of his videos.
Alecto the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir
No book cover as of this post, so have this. #IYKYKOh. No reason. No reason at all. It’s only the fourth book in an amazing series full of sci-fi, bone mischief, necromancers, lesbians, a certain red-headed badass (that’s also a lesbian), memes (that’s not as bad as it sounds, honest), monsters, ghosts probably, and bizarre magic (in addition to the bone mischief). MY EMOTIONS Y’ALL
Honorable Mention: something by Connie Willis
I could not finish one of her more recent works, Crosstalk. It stressed me out with its hectic farce-y pace. The constant need for the protag to dodge gossipy coworkers and meddling family was incredibly draining, especially for an introvert like me. My DNF Explanation
She is a big name in Science Fiction circles but I haven’t ran into her books until now– probably because she writes romantic ‘screwball’ comedy in the manner of 1940s Hollywood movies (Kathryn Cramer); romances are typically not my forte. So despite the lack of fun I had with Crosstalk (and, I admit, my allergy for romance in general), I want to check out some of her older work to give her stuff a fair shake.
Bloganuary Prompt: In what ways do you communicate online?
Largely text-based, with the occasional voice memo if I’m not streaming.
I assume people are only interested in the big guys, the Web 3.0 jockeys. And the only one I reliably use is Discord. The mention of Facebook Messenger is strictly obligatory: I’ve family that can’t (or wont?) use anything else.
I’ll also say, sporadically. I’ve slowed down, considerably, since I reevaluated my social media consumption last year.
The platforms and protocols I do use seem slower in comparison to, say, Twitter– especially if they’re reminiscent (or artifacts) of the algorithm-free Old Internet, like Mastodon or XMPP. Forums are just snail mail compared to anything else… and that’s exactly why I prefer them these days.
I do still use email, just not nearly as much as I did a decade ago. It’s still good for long-form conversations and to talk shop (when it’s not a receptacle for coupons and news).
You are totally not swiping my brilliant, one-of-a-kind, quirky, innovative, awesome, stupendous, and did-I-say-awesome-already? business idea! Get your own!
I just wanted to be silly. I actually have no ideas that are crazy businesses, feasible or otherwise.
Unless…
You count the [REDACTED] with the [REDACTED], complete with [TECHNICALLY LEGAL BUT STILL IN BAD FORM]. Even with [NOUN] you can [VERB] for cheap, there are the setbacks including [LIST THREE-TO-FIVE THINGS YOU HATE, AND IT CAN’T INCLUDE BEN STILLER].
Maybe I can have [FAMOUS PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON] endorse it. Or if I just had more [???????] on a [RANDOM TECHNICALITY]. And I’d call it [HIGH-SCORING SCRABBLE WORD THAT ALSO DOUBLES AS AN ACRONYM].
…Of course they’ll be some [TECHNOLOGY CATEGORY]. But with [BEVERAGE]! And no, it’s not a [WEIRD SEX THING]! You perverts!
Bloganuary writing prompt: What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
I want to note that I’m on two meds for depression, which could account for my more-than-rosy tone here (and on my worst days, it’s still meh, but at least I’m around to complain about it). Not everyone has that privilege, and I acknowledge that. I love y’all and I’m pulling for y’all. There’s no wrong answer to this question.
But what is my answer?
“Sweet.”
“Hey Dracula, meet me in my sunroom at high noon to say that shit to my face. Oh wait, you can’t? SUCKS TO SUCK, LOSER!”
But I’ll want to know the caveats up front, because what’s a long life (or immortality) if you can’t do anything with it? And, you know, what’s the catch?
Will you be taken care of?
Is it one of those science fiction things where you’re a brain in a jar?
Or a fantasy thing where you’re actually a vampire (and unless your story is set in Washington, can never set foot in the sun again)?
Or the most likely scenario of strutting around a nursing home with your best friend?
Will you still be of sound mind, if not body?
Can you even afford to?
Where is the fine print, Beelzebub!?
Despite the potential for Dubious Deals with Devils, Transhuman Technicalities, Monkey Paw Jackassery, Pitfalls of Capitalism, and whatever else you may think of… From where I’m sitting at this point of time, it sounds pretty dope.
You’ve done so much, and you can reflect and witness more history. You’ve more to experience and hell, even if it’s just existing and vibing, that’s still an experience. And the stories you can tell! To compare and contrast the then and here and now. To be a representation of an obtainable future for younger generations– I know, as a queer Black person, it is comforting to see an elder that has survived and continues to survive.
I wish to be that for someone else, too. The world may be against me, but I’m still here. Oh, and modems were real. Real slow.
I want to see the science fiction I grew up on finally become plain ol’ science. We’ll get those flying cars any day now. Just not anytime soon. And I’ll sign up for the cyborg program to extend my life another 100 years or something (provided that Elon Musk stays far, far away from the technology behind it; I’ll literally rather die than let him put chips in my brain).
I want to stick around to see if things get better. And if not? Well. You’re going to be hearing about it!
Anyway.
You know that bit where Sarah Lynn is on a talk show, spinning in a chair and declaring that she’s gonna live forever? That’s my answer, in a nutshell. Sign me the fuck up!
Oh.
I’m utterly terrified of death with a tendency to procrastinate. If I had it my way, I will be late to my own funeral (which, for the record, will be a party). So that’s probably a factor.
Bloganuary writing prompt: What is your favorite animal?
I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count. (Cats are a close second.)
This panel gets a lot of mileage.
Let’s get the obvious reason out of the way: nostalgia! Not only is Sonic the Hedgehog my favorite color, but I grew up in the 90s as the Cooler Mario hit our TV screens. I loved the games, enjoyed both cartoons, and I read just about every damn issue of the Archie Comics series (and I am subscribed to IDW’s current run). Oh, and Sonic was totally my boyfriend as I pretended to be Princess Sally, crawling and climbing on the wooden playgrounds to thwart Dr. Robotnik’s plans.
…
…Anyway.
I relate to the hedgie. I relate to hedgehogs so much, my ALBI FACTS are cribbed from actual hedgehog trivia. I have terrible eyesight, solitary (introverted), and I seem most active at night. Being in the hedges is also a great time. Oh, and I make weird noises. And I bite. And, depending on who you ask, my Black queer ass could be illegal in 7 states if things keep going the way they are.
For fun, I like thinking about astrology things. Virgos are Earth signs, right? So it stands to reason that we can associate symbols or animals that are related to the earth, to Virgo. And if burrowing in gardens isn’t earthy, I don’t know what is.
I deal (as most of us do) with what the science types call The Hedgehog Dilemma. In my own words: It’s when you want to get close to another hedgehog, but if you do, you’ll very likely poke and be poked by quills. And if you have any empathy, you’ll think twice before snuggling up to a quill-less critter because you might end up hurting them, since they don’t have the same defenses. But to be human, sometimes you just gotta risk it.
…But I am willing to risk getting hurt sometimes. Perhaps it’s inevitable.
Sometimes, it’s worth it.
Amazing Facts About [Me]
And that, ultimately, is why I can relate to the spiny creature so much– because it embodies the struggle of a one-bitten-twice-shy-and-guarded-introvert, but also looks really cute while doing so. And while hogging the hedges.
