Tag: about me

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02/05

Remember a time when you forgave someone fully.

Forgiveness– is it the same as "just getting over it" or a conscious decision to move on? I feel like I do the former a lot.

I immediately thought of that one Vine with the person going "NEVER HAPPENED." I’m a grudge-holder, yo. And I may have forgiven you, but you damn well know that I’ll remember your fucking name, as the Scottish saying goes. It’d be easier to say I got over things. Eventually. I can’t think of a readily-available example of me forgiving someone, let alone FULLY.

Maybe something’ll come to me later. I keep getting lost in the nuance of my own making.

02/12

Remember a time when you spoiled yourself

I love having Me Dates. As in, I go on a date. By myself. It could be as low key or fancy as I please.

And one time I got really fancy. It was a place at random that I Googled "oysters," because of course I was craving those. And it was a new place, kinda swanky and upscale and asked if I had a reservation (I did not), so they seated me at the bar. I treated myself to oysters, shrimp scampi and a dessert with cinnamon ice cream while I started a new book.

I made a mental note to keep that place in my backpocket.

02/14

suggests I "put my dancing shoes on" regardless if I’m going out or not– and have a little dance party. I am OVERDUE for dancing to darkwave synthwave stuff. I never thought I’d like it as much as I do, but I’ve a partner that I love dancing with. And it’s fun! Well, I wiggle. But it counts.

And one time, I was pulled into a spontaneous dance one afternoon after putting on some Dorothy Ashby. That was fun.

And during a L.O.U.D. Twitch stream we did more wiggling then, too.

I think I’ll put on some ShyGirl.

02/28

What are some ways in which you surprised yourself, and maybe others, this month?

Bitch, please. If you didn’t see any of this coming it’s on you. (tone: cynical and generally speaking)

But seriously, I have to outsource this question. Looking back, I feel nothing out of the ordinary.

…

I may have made a new friend in an unlikely environment.

That’s pretty surprising, actually.

 

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Having a kiki with a friend while complaining about online dating, I decided to reactivate my OKCupid account.

Since we’re on a "what changed?" type of groove, let’s continue that trend. …Well, not much since I was last there. I didn’t take a terribly long time looking at my answers because of that. Same goes for my profile.

P-P-P-Profile?

Alright, copy-pasting paragraphs wholesale would be cheating on the Bloganuary. Besides, that stuff on my site anyway. Here’s some notable stuff:

  • Worst Quality: Organizing Things I Probably Shouldn’t
  • I have #NPCEnergy and I’ve really been leaning into it, to the point of startling people
  • I have no idea what to do on Friday nights; so it depends
  • The Good Place is my cheer-me-up show
  • Spyro the Dragon is the retro game that defines me
  • ROBOTECH defines my childhood. And on further reflection, Studio Ghibli perhaps.
  • Teebs is still the soundtrack of my life
  • Best part of cooking? The presentation. (and eating it)
  • Scrabble
  • also, #90sKid much nostalgia
  • also also, I love seafood and my steak medium-rare
  • Hej, I have tattoos now.

And I’m reminded of my dream job, aww

… I’m always interested in how information is displayed and how it can reach more people.

And fun fact: The highest match possible with me is 100%, and I have answered 220 questions publicly. I think that’s because a lot of my answers were "meh, whatever actually," and I just filled them in for fillin’ in’s sake.

What about the dating stuff?

I love a good coffee date. Or, as it’s been lately, a tea date. Boba tea date. It’s chill, a bit fun– but it’s still a date.

I want the comfy seats, giant menu, and acoustics that doesn’t make me feel like I need to run away screaming (unfortunately, a lot of coffee places have terrible acoustics). While I have some favorites I keep in the backpocket, if I’m feeling spicy I’ll flip a coin to take my date somewhere unfamiliar. If it’s great? GREAT! If it’s a bad miss, maybe we can bond over how much it sucked.

Give me the damn tea. What were the matches like?

Well… at least I can tweak things so only queer non-monogamous people show up in my stack. And most of them are also trans/non-binary!

First person in my stack was still a friggin’ white guy, tho.

Next was someone I already knew.

Next was a current partner. I sent them a super-like, because I’m supportive like that.

Everyone else? I didn’t feel confident in the OLD thing enough to do more than send two likes.

Well, that was fun. Deactivate, whatever.

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I don’t know where my draft went, so let’s take it from the top.

I like being in the corner. It could be a couch corner or a cozy chair in a corner. It goes without saying that a couch would be big enough for a warm blanket and a couple of pillows, but the chair will need to be the right size for that. It’ll also need those large plush armrests so I can drape my legs over them when I feel like curling up. Reclining feature isn’t mandatory, but would be nice for the rare times I’d want it.

So. Chair in corner. Next to it, a table wide enough for a drink, snacks, glasses, and book to place when I put it down for a nap. Other side, a floor lamp with variable dimness. I like the ones with two bulbs– one for the entire room pointing up, and a smaller one to point where you please.

Oop, we need a bluetooth speaker! Let’s stick it on the table, which is not far from the outlet. And the table’ll need a lil nook to charge phone/tablet/eReader.

A writing desk wouldn’t be far from the reading space. I don’t like writing on those lapdesk things (they’re handy, though!). Small enough to stand up my notebooks, have a laptop to the side when I’m not using it– and plenty of space to write! A small vase of pens. A small, dedicated lamp for this area, and an office chair that does the job. Or whatever chair; I’m not picky.

Tying it all together is a shaggy rug you can roll around on, and a coffee table for more table space. You can play Scrabble! And, conveniently, you can also lay on the floor and read with your hedgehog stuffies. As for the walls… eh, what the hell, throw some Christmas lights up there along with GDBee’s art. The rest of it can be covered in bookshelves.

Lastly, colors. I’m thinking dark colors for this area, earth tones. And to contrast, things like blankets and pillows would be some bright patterns or something. I just throw shit together in a deliberately kitsch way.

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  • how I eat: Have more vegetables, and a variety of them. I guess that means… eating kale
  • work out more. seriously. I’m starting gym next month!
  • but also, when/how. actual schedule
  • my writing process– kinda haphazard. actually use outlines and things
  • how i get up in the mornings– like my writing processes, kinda haphazard
  • the organization of my closet– three guesses how that is
  • be less socially awkward to the point of freezing
  • being at parties, bring board games to potlucks (and an eReader)
  • how I’m on the Internet– should prob pull back a little, also, I deleted FB… what else can I do?
  • how i take notes (i am this close to learning shorthand)

I’m sure there’s a lot more, but those are on the forefront.

 

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…How does that song go? The Future Freaks Me Out so I don’t give it too much mind. I do plan for it and give it the respect it needs, but that feels like the bare minimum. I have been breaking myself of this habit, however, because things can be so much better if I give it more time and think about it!

The present is the second-most thing I concern myself with; I operate on "assume this is permanent" instead of "assume this will end some day" when it’s feasible– especially for love and relationships and stuff. (I know this isn’t part of the question, but it popped up nonetheless. We’ll mark this train of thought for later.)

So, my answer: The Past.

I love me some rumination about the past! I love retrospection of what I’ve experienced, seeing them with more mature eyes.

I get lost in what-ifs when I’m not reliving the moments. It wouldn’t surprise me if it turned out that most of my posts are of past experiences that I’ve been reflecting on.

And let’s face it, I miss the 90s. Back when technology was a new thing and seemed so promising, when it felt like we had a future. I even miss the 80s, and that’s far more hiraeth than nostalgia– I didn’t actually experience any of it firsthand, being a baby and all, but voraciously through my parents and older peers. And I am a fucking sucker for nostalgia. Retro stuff, too– I listen to people that can talk hours upon hours about computers that no longer exist.

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This is absolute nerd/Virgo/turbonerd behavior, but I like gifts I could use. Useful (subjective) gifts, like appliances. No lie, one of the most favorite things I ever received was an electric kettle– gifter just had to right the wrong of my heating up water in the microwave. I drink a lot of tea.

That’s only second to…

whatever someone wants to get me, because they thought of me while they were getting it. I do think it is the thought that counts.

But if you combine the two, there is the perfect gift!

A Venn Diagram. On the left is "useful gifts," right is "thoughtful gifts," and the overlapping middle has "socks."
Snuggles are also acceptable.

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Sometimes I give in to the impulse to reach out to people I lost contact with. The results can be… jarring. Especially when the other party stayed the fucking same. Wait, no. That doesn’t seem fair. I suppose everyone is dynamic– it’s just a matter of how they changed.

If it feels like someone didn’t change at all, then what they always seemed to be is just more obvious. That was how I felt when one of the oldest friends briefly flared back into my life. With distance and growth, I saw them as they always were. The friend, on the other hand, was stunned at how different I’ve become (“Glowed up” was how an acquaintance put it). And I could see that, like, of course I did, and I was offended. I remember thinking What on earth did you do these X amount of years, stagnate?!

Well, no.

They just moved perpendicular to how I did. Our catching-up stories included eyerolls at the same pratfalls we keep making, but we laughed in delight as we traded news about a new hobby or love we found because of course we’d be into that, should’ve seen it coming.

Then again… the only person that underwent change could’ve been just me. I knew a friend group that’s frozen in time. A good damn almost-decade later it had shrunk down to the bare essentials and core folx. And oh, yo, have I outgrown a lot of shit. My prime objective no longer meshed with their mission, and our attempts to work around that fact caused significant friction.

And I think a lot about my post-college growing and learning when I was in my second Serious Relationship. Not only was I finding additional facets of my queerness, but I was putting words and concepts together about how I move around in this world and how it treats me. Frankly, my then-partner couldn’t keep up. We split due to the growing incompatibilities– and that included what I would no longer tolerate. We couldn’t make it work as amicable exes either, for the same reason.

Change happens, always, always in flux.

You either outgrow or grow into or reveal.

If you find us walking along the same beach, I suppose I’ll ask if you’ll change with me. I expect you to. I’d be worried if you didn’t.

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I had a rad 7th grade Social Studies teacher. I can’t remember her name, but she was a small lady who had a sense of humor and wore jeans. I daresay she was even kinda cool, and I’m not just saying that because Social Studies was one of my favorite classes (I love to read that much). Unfortunately, I don’t recall much except four things:


  • The time we watched The Little Mermaid and the class clown– responding to Ariel’s “Why, Eric? Run away with me?”– yelled incredulously at the screen: “You don’t have legs! You can’t run!”

  • I managed to have The Latest Crush sign my yearbook. We never spoke to each other before that. He was surprised that I wanted one; I surprised myself by feeling brave enough to even ask.

  • That pretty sweet drawing I did poking fun at The Boston Tea Party for extra credit. (Alas, lost to time. Maybe. I’ll check my closet).


It was this Fourth Thing that cemented her as A Cool Teacher (but as is tradition, The Cool Teacher was the Art teacher).


The school year starts out as usual. Each class rarely began with lessons and homework on the first day. Instead, the period was spent going over rules, lesson timeline, grading scale, the boring but important stuff. So when we wandered into this corner classroom we expected more of the same.


And it was– except for a twist. When we got to the Rules section of our material, she instructed us to open our brand new spiral notebooks. I’m sure a lot of us thought “Dang, we’re taking notes already?!” But no.


On the top of the very first page, she had us write this, instead:


DO NOTHING TO INTERRUPT INSTRUCTION.


and tasked us with how we could (and would) follow that rule.


Simple, right?


Deceptively so.


While some of our suggestions took the piss out of it, they still had a glimmer of truth in them. The majority of what we scribbled down were serious: no loud noises, no gum in seats, don’t be rude, don’t be late, respect the teacher– someone even mentioned no sleeping! Some were obvious, some were creative, but all of us were using our developing brains for ten minutes trying to come up with a least ten subrules.


This is something I carry with me to this day. Hell, a version of this typically encompasses the spaces I moderate. When you really boil it down, a list of rules can arguably be summed up with a “do nothing to disrupt this space.”


It’s like the Golden Rule, but in social groups.


And I think that is pretty cool.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: What is your favorite animal?

I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count. (Cats are a close second.)

Sonic popping out of a manhole, saying Hedgehog. Noun. A burrowing animal.
This panel gets a lot of mileage.

Let’s get the obvious reason out of the way: nostalgia! Not only is Sonic the Hedgehog my favorite color, but I grew up in the 90s as the Cooler Mario hit our TV screens. I loved the games, enjoyed both cartoons, and I read just about every damn issue of the Archie Comics series (and I am subscribed to IDW’s current run). Oh, and Sonic was totally my boyfriend as I pretended to be Princess Sally, crawling and climbing on the wooden playgrounds to thwart Dr. Robotnik’s plans.

…

…Anyway.

I relate to the hedgie. I relate to hedgehogs so much, my ALBI FACTS are cribbed from actual hedgehog trivia. I have terrible eyesight, solitary (introverted), and I seem most active at night. Being in the hedges is also a great time. Oh, and I make weird noises. And I bite. And, depending on who you ask, my Black queer ass could be illegal in 7 states if things keep going the way they are.

For fun, I like thinking about astrology things. Virgos are Earth signs, right? So it stands to reason that we can associate symbols or animals that are related to the earth, to Virgo. And if burrowing in gardens isn’t earthy, I don’t know what is.

I deal (as most of us do) with what the science types call The Hedgehog Dilemma. In my own words: It’s when you want to get close to another hedgehog, but if you do, you’ll very likely poke and be poked by quills. And if you have any empathy, you’ll think twice before snuggling up to a quill-less critter because you might end up hurting them, since they don’t have the same defenses. But to be human, sometimes you just gotta risk it.

…But I am willing to risk getting hurt sometimes. Perhaps it’s inevitable.

Sometimes, it’s worth it.

Amazing Facts About [Me]

And that, ultimately, is why I can relate to the spiny creature so much– because it embodies the struggle of a one-bitten-twice-shy-and-guarded-introvert, but also looks really cute while doing so. And while hogging the hedges.

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Bloganuary writing prompt: List five things you do for fun.

Sure, why not!? I did say I’ll look into more prompts.

Video Games

Video games span across so many genres, so it’s not hard to find something you like (unless you just hate fun). Despite capital-G Gamers trying to ruin it for everyone else, I still enjoy this medium! Stories unfold at your fingertips, and it’s a great feeling to clear a difficult puzzle.

My favorite types are Role-Playing Games, Platformers, Rhythm Games, and Cozy Live Simulators.

And Pokemon.

Runner Up: watching other people play them, especially if they’re more skilled than me. And especially if they’re speedrunning; I love watching them exploit glitches if they’re not just outright Really Damn Good At It! I like hearing their opinions, whether its about the game itself or what’s going on in their lives.

Fanfiction

Honestly, writing in general (especially journaling and poetry). But when I think of fun I think of fanfiction.

I love looking at something and going What If? And I love putting a different spin on things. Remember when the Internet was (and probably still is) obsessed with turning everything into some Grittier, Edgier, Darker (GRIMDARK) version of itself? I tend to steer the opposite of that (though I admit, I can get angsty). I also follow the ol’ adage: If you want something done, do it yourself.

Let Tietra live! Turn The Joker into a coffeehouse owner that makes lattes! Have the silent protagonist actually speak and be snarky about it! Do not close that love triangle and have a happy and healthy non-monogamous relationship!

Reading

Reading is a legitimate hobby. It takes hours of your time and it costs you money. The eReader I purchased last year was an excellent investment, and a lot easier on my wrists– I can pour through some serious door-stoppers.

Thanks to Octavia Butler in ASIMOV magazine in my formulative years, I go for the science fiction first. But one of my resolutions this year is to expand into other types of books: more poetry, nonfiction of topics I’m interested in, and autobiographies of my favorite people. Oh, and looking into those things called COMIC BOOKS. Regardless, getting comfortable with a world or person to explore is absolutely exciting.

Be Annoying

I pester.

I pester.

I pester.

I pester.

I pester.

Did I mention that I pester? I get it from my dad. He would do some stupid thing and then chuckle at my expense. And now, I’m going to do that to you! I come from a family of dry humor and bizarre in-jokes. Think Eric Andre without none of the wit, and all of the befuddlement.

A serious spin on this would be being silly and humor. I joke so I don’t cry. I use the absurd to point out the weirdness of life. And on a good day, I could even employ satire correctly!

Nothing

You read that right.

Probably the most favorite thing to do in the world is NOTHING. Nada. Zip. Zero. Blame laziness if you want (and I will certainly own that; Capitalism hates it when we share, and hates it more when we’re being lazy by its metric). But I see it as a moment of rest. I see it as a moment to just stop, take in the scenery. I feel like the older you get, the less schedule gaps you have (until you retire, at least), so I revel in the pure bliss of not being busy.

Sometimes, I simply do nothing. And it’s marvelous.

Especially if I can get a nap in.