indigoSuit + purplePurpose
I've rested a lot this year, and I only feel the tiniest bit guilty about it. It's probably why I feel oddly... driven.
So I had the day off yesterday. Here is what I wrote for it, a reflection:
Another end-of-year inventory clusterfuck that I do not have to do. Heck yeah! As per usual, it will involve a lot of resting (before and after I do something important, like hang up curtains). I've rested a lot this year, and I only feel the tiniest bit guilty about it.
It's probably why I feel oddly... driven. I feel driven to be all the things I needed when I was younger: the BLERD, the Black queer space, the advocate for fun internet things... something. I didn't touch upon yesterday what I want to grow into the new year (to be fair, reading into dandyism and fashion history is pretty cool!), so that is something I'm still thinking on:
How do I organize? How do I be the leader (or better yet, partner) of curating such a space? After a life of holding up walls and fading into the background, how does one Take Point in something like this?
How does one not get burned and burnt out?
I've been taking all sorts of Zoom classes and notes, getting feedback, trying to be more active generally.
I'm still figuring out my purpose. Or, it just wandered in, settled next to me, pulled out a book, and is patiently waiting for me to acknowledge it with the correct name. Unfortunately, it didn't get the memo that to get my attention you gotta be blunt with this sort of thing. But at least I know it's there.
Now I gotta figure it out.
(Purpose? Passion? Same difference.)
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