All The Mistakes I Made Last Night

Note: same situation as this one; I was really in my feelings about it.

It was everything I expected
And yet...
I still went,
Just in case
Another sees me
And needs a lighthouse.

Below is every mistake I made last night
because i am still full of self-loathing on my worst days

1)
being myself, the too-quiet one
withdrawn after an evening of nature
but still trying.

knowing only the hosts and
failing to mingle,
too self-conscious to try harder.

2)
having an extra beer
when i was beginning to feel sad;
they're downers: will make you sadder.

3)
when i did talk i didn't ask
what they did for fun:
i expressed hamfistedly or aroundthebushbeat
that we shouldn't be alone like this
in a crowd...

4)
I assumed they also felt that way.

5)
Being only one person (any interpretation of this).

6)
Said no goodbyes, not even to the room.
To clarify: the mistake was not leaving sooner.

7)
i didn't cry
but i am so tired of feeling alone

8)
Deleted the messages I sent.
Backspaced away what I should have spoken of.

9)
Stopped here.